A Poll.... about sex and female orgasms

[chocolatepuff]

hi there

after a discussion with dp last night it transpires that approx 80% of his past lovers could orgasm during sex.

i immediately felt this was rubbish and that the majority must've been faking it.

nonetheless its left me feeling inadequate and a freak, and like im not doing something right... can you share your thoughts/experiences please?

disclaimer: i do orgasm, the conditions have to be just so. and dp has not put any pressure on me about this. i brought it up with him, he doesnt see it as an issue or think there is something wrong with me. thats just my thinking.

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[chocolatepuff]

wow, your dp must love that!!

shit, im not made for this am i

[Dottiespots]

But we are all different as you can tell from your thread. They( the experts that is) say that they have found two g spots. The first one which is just in the vagina and then one much higher up. I would have to agree with that for me personally. When I am "in the zone" i find myself pulling him in as much as I can (my hands on his bottom) until I feel him hit much higher up which is when I get even stonger orgasms. Sorry if this is too much for a sunday afternoon. he he!!!

[chocolatepuff]

i was expecting the majority to say they didn't. i need to work on this!

[RachaelH1983]

You are not alone, sex alone never gets me to orgasm and never has, sex toys get brought out most of the time which my dp loves. Without having my clit stimulated I do not orgasm. Very jealous of any lady who can ; )

[badinage]

It's worth practising with your own body as well as with your partner, because it could be partially technique (his and yours) and partially psychological. I think some people get a mantra fixed in their heads i.e. 'I can only come this way' and stop experimenting. I find orgasms much more intense if my head is in the right place so it's not just about bodily bits connecting and always producing the same reaction. My H says it's the same for him.

It's interesting though that his words have made you feel that you're not doing something right when the more logical extrapolation is that he hasn't learnt yet what makes you tick as far as penetration's concerned. That's almost as bad as those blokes who believe those stats lies that most women don't come through PIV sex alone, so they stop bothering to learn how to......

[Dottiespots]

Ooooo apparently the other spot is called the A spot. Much higher up,near the cervix. Reached through penetration mainly.

[PretzelTime]

I think it's very sad when women say they can't orgasm from having sex. If your clit (sexual organ!) is being stimulated, then that's sex isn't it. It's not cuddling exactly.

[Hooleywhipper]

Yes regularly through PIV but this is a fairly recent discovery. Been together 22 years & only last 2/3 years it's happened. Both DH & I were very proud of ourselves ....!

[Dottiespots]

Well Done to both Hooley

[Timetoask]

I orgasm every single time with DH. I didn't know it didn't happen with other women. Have been together for 14 years and it still happens every time.

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

Yes I do, every time. But it's also perfectly normal not to and it's certainly not a failure! As long as you enjoy the sex however you have it the that's all that really matters

I have always wondered where the 70/80% thing comes from though

[chocolatepuff]

bandinage luckily he says it is a personal mission of his to make me come from piv! im pretty happy with this challenge but i know it will take work and involvement on both our sides..

thanks all. i really thought i was in the majority. its given me a spark to self discover more. ive never had a partner who has really cared about my orgasm, which is why its only been flagged up now..

[ItsBiologee]

NC'ed for this. I always come through PIV, it's my preferred way of getting satisfaction. I never knew any different. I never knew it was unusual until over the years I began to hear women talking as if it was.

Weirdly though I could never come through a man going down on me and they tried hard. I can now with this partner but I had to learn how and really concentrate.

I really dislike slow/sensual/gentle sex, to me it feels irritating. I much prefer a stronger touch. I like to f*ck not 'make lurve'.

I firmly believe it's biological. Where your clit is positioned etc. I feel like I have a doughnut of something (muscles? erectile tissue?) around my vagina so when I clench it around the mans erm.....cock it feels really good, all I do is grind and bingo!

So not all women are programmed the same way it seems!

[Branleuse]

as long as hes sensitive about it.

As i said before, I rarely come from PIV and tbh, the times I have, its never been as intense as when he gives me head.
As long as youre both enjoying sex and intimate and both orgasming, I hope hes not making you feel like theres something wrong with you because your clitoris doesnt happen to be inside your vagina.
I think its always nice to try new things and to try and improve things for each other, but a mission to make you come without touching your clitoris would make me feel under pressure and that i wasnt good enough

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

I think the 70% thing comes from the Hite report.

bandinage luckily he says it is a personal mission of his to make me come from piv! im pretty happy with this challenge

Careful, some of the most dismal sex I have ever had is with blokes who were determined to 'make me come'.

I think sex just needs redefining to include all the other fun stuff as well as just PIV. Happy experimenting!

[PretzelTime]

think sex just needs redefining to include all the other fun stuff as well as just PIV.
I thought "sex" DID mean a lot of different acts. But I know what you mean with the PIV focus.
I find it strange that someone would think that when a woman orgasms from genital(clit) stimulation with a partner then it's not sex

[bestsonever]

1st off, don't expect a clitorial-stimulated orgasm to feel the same as one during PIV, it doesn't so the feelings you do get (the bit where it suddenly feels different and in a pelvic, vaginal swelling, muscular way) are actually what people are meaning by PIV orgasm, though for ages I didn't count that as an orgasm as I was expecting the same feeling as would get by other stimulation. It was just another good part of the whole intimate experience.
But then, I thought female ejaculation was a possible fallacy until fairly recently, surprising what the body can do under certain circumstances ;-)

[ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay]

I find it easy but have only ever actually come with DP. And with him it's lovely every time.

Not sure about positions but if you have to concentrate on rhythm etc then maybe you need to relax more. Easy for me to say but I don't think I am ever aware of keeping a rhythm it's just how I need to move iyswim?

But comments like that from your DP aren't exactly going to make it more relaxing are they. Unhelpful.

[Dottiespots]

Well I think its lovely that he has said that he is making it his mission. What a lovely caring man that he feels its important for you to get all you can out of your lovemaking. He just wants to please you and that is a man who is totally in love with you!!!

[PretzelTime]

I too think his comment is unhelpful, better to relax and explore and have fun.

[Somebodysomewhere]

I always do. Ive always found it er easy to IYSWIM

[badinage]

I don't think this sounds 'lovely' at all.

This sounds like it's all about his ego rather than the OP's pleasure. If it was about her pleasure he would be keeping his own counsel about other womens' responses and instead, asking questions and trying to learn what turns this woman on. One set formula won't work for every woman because we are all different, biologically and psychologically.

[phoenixrose314]

Never in my life by penetration unless being stimulated in some other way. Most women don't judging by what my friends say. Luckily DH is amazing and always gives me "my" time before we move on to sex.

[fluffyraggies]

I'm reading this think yes, and no along with posters ... but having read best's post i'm thinking now - what are we classing as an orgasm?

I was going to say i don't often orgasm with PIV sex alone, but do occasionally.

Now i'm thinking maybe i actually do with PIV.

With simple PIV i do indeed get the "bit where it suddenly feels different and in a pelvic, vaginal swelling, muscular way" that best is describing ... every time. A deep sort of thrill in an 'oh my god do it to me' sort of way. So is that an orgasm?

A clitoral orgasm for me is much more or a sort of 'all encompassing, going rigid, holding your breath, mind blowing throbbing hard slowly fading sort of affair. After which i cant bare my clitoris to be touched because of over stimulation.

Blimey it's hard trying to describe an orgasm! Perhaps we need to agree about what an orgasm is (more or less) before we ask when we have them??