A Poll.... about sex and female orgasms

[chocolatepuff]

hi there

after a discussion with dp last night it transpires that approx 80% of his past lovers could orgasm during sex.

i immediately felt this was rubbish and that the majority must've been faking it.

nonetheless its left me feeling inadequate and a freak, and like im not doing something right... can you share your thoughts/experiences please?

disclaimer: i do orgasm, the conditions have to be just so. and dp has not put any pressure on me about this. i brought it up with him, he doesnt see it as an issue or think there is something wrong with me. thats just my thinking.

----

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

[Darkesteyes]

badinage there is emotional abuse involved. When i lost my virginity at 18 my mum said i had "ruined myself" and basically called me spoiled goods.
You should see the attitude she has towards women (my dad is a bit like it too sometimes but with not as much vitriol) my mum watches shit like Take Me OUt and goes on and on about how some of the women have been married before and got kids etc Still using the spolied goods spiel.
And to phone me and say "yr dad only likes them with big holes"
Well that demonstrates 2 things.
a. She should not be talking to me about him like that. hes my DAD!
b. it shows up her mysogynistic views about women who have had more than one relationship/ sexual encounter.
And my teenage niece might be going to live there OVER MY DEAD BODY!

[badinage]

How dreadful darkesteyes.

But it's their choice to stay in a marriage like that, with a partner like that.

Doesn't mean you have to do the same does it?

[Darkesteyes]

No you are quite right. But i wont be able to see much of my DN if i "rock the boat" and i want her to have what i didnt have. Someone to support her if the same shit gets dished out to her. And the only one in this family who can do that is me. So i have to be here for her. I want to be here for her.

[dondon33]

Fluffy :) :) poor guys huh? having their ego's over stimulated with probable fakers.... but very good he seen through it.
Although I have to say I'm certainly not quiet all the time, decibels sometimes rise with intensity :) I have never and would never fake it - hand on heart. My view is if the guy can't be arsed enough to make sure I enjoy it to the end then I'm damn well not going to make him feel good about about himself just because. I don't see the point.

[ElizabethX]

I never come that way if it's from behind, but I do if I'm on top because I kind of go back and forth rather than up and down, so I can rub my clit against him.

If he's on top then to make me come he needs to be inside and to do sort of circles with his hips without ever withdrawing very far. This does the same thing to my clit.

I fuck rather than make love though, like someone said above. Before any of the above I like a good hard seeing to so as as to get into the right place. Really deep has always felt nice and I now wonder if this is an A spot thing??

Cunnilingus always makes me come and I am a bit rough about it. I tend to pull his hair forcing his face further into me....Fortunately the current man likes this.

It probably helps that I fill with lust just looking at / thinking about him. Quite the novelty that is.

[ElizabethX]

I've just noticed the bit about coming from anal sex. How does that work if someone feels up to explaining?

Anal sex doesn't do a huge amount for me as it feels like doing a poo. Ahem. I doesn't hurt either or gross me out either, it feels vaguely naughty and decadent, but the bit I like is being masturbated by him as we do it, which he can do anyway without the anal sex....so how does it work? Is that how others, er, get there?

[catlady1]

I also think 80% is a bit of an exaggeration. And how many partners has he had if he can give you a percentage?! Or does he just mean four out of five?

I have to say after reading this thread that I feel a bit inadequate now. No-one has ever made me come but I thought it was a reasonably common problem!

[badinage]

How old's your niece Darkest?

Are you saying that you're staying in a loveless marriage because of your niece?

[Kione]

right, I thought I had never orgasmed through PIV but reading some of the descriptions I might have! its just that feeling that maybe you expect the same "explotion" as with clit stimulation. So... can someone kindly describe or compare both of them? it might even put me in the mood fir once!

[fluffyraggies]

I wondered about the rights and wrongs of a bloke starting a thread like this here just in order to get off on reading about g.spots and grinding. My conclusion was that even if 100 guys read it, 99 of them just perved and only 1 actually learned something and used it constructively at some point in the future - then it would make it ok Are you listening guys?

Noise - yeah i can be noisy If we're alone in the house or in a hotel room then i will indeed let go and raise the roof. When the kids are in the next room i bite my lip. Same goes for DH really. I Love it when he gets noisy! Really turns me on.

Faking it. I confess i have done it. No good excuse. The only thing i can say in my defense is that when i've faked it, it was to bring things to a conclusion as i was too drunk, sore or tired to go on

Anal - we do it occasionally. I've never come through anal. Sometimes it's better than others - depends on how many drinks i've had my mindset i think. Sometimes i really enjoy it, and get extremely aroused, other times i find i have to call a halt as i can't relax into it.

[fluffyraggies]

Kione i tried to describe the difference yesterday and found it very difficult

The word explosion is a good one for clitoral orgasm. Like i said i find the full on orgasm is something too all encompassing to go through more than once in the space of an hour or so. They're mind blowing. The mini ones - one after another, yes.

I too am tending to think i may have 'mini O's' through PIV.

[Kione]

I can have a full blown one with clit stimulation and then smaller ones, usually with a vibrator this is easier.
The piv one I might had... ages ago... it felt like so so nice but never quite having climax. And ONLY when I am mega turned on by pertner, usually on honeymoon period

[Kione]

thanks fluffy I just saw the post

[chocolatepuff]

ha i am not a man.. i am a woman in her late 20s who has only realised from reading this thread that i have been having mostly bad sex for the duration of my 12 year sex life! (bad as in, it was always about male pleasure, i assumed i couldnt come from piv so have never tried) i feel completely sexually awakened and excited abou the prospect of g spot orgasms from piv sex! i read on a website (cant remember which) that all women are capable of g spot orgasms, it can just tke some of us some more time to get there. hope for us all !

[Kione]

here is to hope!!!

[ILikeBirds]

ElizabethX - I believe anal sex can indirectly stimulate the g-spot in (some?) women.

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

Oh I used to fake it all the time in the bad old days when I was young. I knew better than to do all the screaming and bucking and back scratching. What you do is go a bit stiff and quiet and hold your breath then do your pelvic floors really fast. It was always to bring dull sex to an end rather than to stroke some bloke's ego though. I'm not proud, before anyone has a pop.

I haven't needed to do that for about 14 years now

I squirt occasionally. I can't feel it myself and there doesn't seem to be anything unusual about those orgasms. The only way I know it's happening is when DP starts spluttering and choking.

[Darkesteyes]

badinage you spoke on another thread about women who have no financial independence. i am one of those women.
a. couldnt go to my parents because they wouldnt support my decision.
b. womens services are being cut to the bone (cant see them helping to rehouse a woman with no children just because her h doesnt sleep with her.) most of the jobs here are minimum wage which would go nowhere near to a months deposit on a rented flat and with the shortage on one bed places id get hit with bedroom tax straight away but i dont think it would get that far. because a single person with no kids isnt priotity and i would be voluntarily making myself homeless All very well for people to cry LTB but its just not economically possible and by reading these boards i know im not the only one.

[badinage]

Yes I was referring to financial independence for women who couldn't work because of childcare though. Do you mean you're currently unemployed then? If so, how long for?

I'm sure you must have done, but have you looked into all your options such as return to work schemes/job clubs, spoken to all involved in social housing and are you flexible about where you could live and work, especially as you've got no children and no ties to schools etc? What career did you train for and is there any way back into it? Could you study with a view to retraining?

Or are you just assuming it's as bleak and as impossible as it sounds?

Do you actually want to leave your marriage and work and have some financial independence, or am I assuming that's what you want?

[Darkesteyes]

I had to stop work in 2006 when Dh had his heart attack which left him with decreased lung function and a mild brain injury with memory loss. I have to repeat myself a lot. I never trained for a career. Never had the support to do that as a teenager so it just didnt happen. Wasnt even allowed to go to early evening discos because my DM didnt like me out of the house so uni was never going to happen. ive worked in shops nursing homes and a sex chatline office.
return to work schemes involving things like workfare Been there done that FOUR FUCKING TIMES and its what got me into sex chatline work.

[Darkesteyes]

im done discussing this now and am starting to feel like im having to justify myself.

[Darkesteyes]

badinage the lack of financial independence doesnt just apply to parents. its not great for carers either.

[Hairylurker]

I agree with Plentyofpubegardens, about just under a third of my exes came through penetration alone ie without clitoral stimulation. Like Branleuse I thought originally this was to do with an anatomical connection that allowed the clitoris to be stimulated by proxy, as it were, but one of my partners was very clear that this was a vaginal orgasm, had nothing to do with the clitoris, but was particular to certain positions and certain shapes of penis. When I've tried to discuss this with other women, those who did not experience vaginal orgasm found it very hard to believe that it existed. I wonder whether, given that, as is described in the thread about why men are so entitled in bed , there appear to be a lot of poor male lovers around, it requires less finesse to please a woman who comes vaginally, and perhaps those relationships last longer on average?

[Hairylurker]

Just read Ilikebirds. An ex of mine told me she had her first orgasm through penetration by anal sex. Mind you she was living in the Caribbean at the time.

[Dottiespots]

Personally a vaginal G spot or A spot (or both) orgasm is different to clitoral. It is very powerful . Hard to describe though. Amazing.! Wow.! Not helping much though with description am I. Certainly just as intense as clitoral but in a total body way. Definately and OMG moment.