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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hey, it's the Dating thread... number 37

999 replies

lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 00:04

Of we got - all dating chit chat here!

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 20/01/2013 16:29

voice of reason 'what am I, a bale of hay?'

Neigh.

Wink

Obviously my autocorrect didn't like to type 'stalking' & chose 'walking'. Which means I'm definitely not.

mercury7 · 20/01/2013 16:43

re the 'principle of least interest' thing mentioned up thread...of course men arent holding all the aces when it comes to dating, they may be (on average) a little better at keeping their cards close to their chest and feigning less interest??

But whatever the case a person with a cards-on-the-table approach, is going to lose out to someone who's dealing from the bottom of the pack

(excuse me I got a bit carried away with the card game metaphors Blush)

Original poster
lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 16:43

Snape :o

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 20/01/2013 17:28

in somewhat, depressingly, expected news, my date is cancelled.

I didnt hear from him all day yesterday, no worries.

It got till 2pm, so i thought id text ' we still on for this evening' By 4:10 i had had no reply, was leaving work, had sitter to organise and it was snowing heavily. So i text ' im presuming since i havent heard from you, that its off, manners cost nothing you know'

Got a reply about half and hour later telling me it was a yes, but now is a no.

I sent a text to explain i had needed to know because of the babysitter situation, it was a bit of miscommunication, i was sorry, and did he still want to meet up.

Just a reply saying he had been going to confirm just as he got my angry text. and now, no.

Fucks sake.

silly me for believing for one second, i could ever, ever, do this right.

SweetSeraphim · 20/01/2013 17:35

How dare he treat you like that??? You haven't done anything wrong, you know that, right?

Fucking idiot. He's acting like you badgered him and you didn't. Excellent way for him to turn the situation around and make out that his bad manners are your fault. God, I'm fuming on your behalf.

mercury7 · 20/01/2013 17:36

Watch surely a decent person would have replied straight away to your 2pm text, and would have understood why you were pissed off at not hearing from him?
I'd say he's bullshitting and trying to blame you when infact he has behaved like an arse and messed you around

mercury7 · 20/01/2013 17:38

mind you, in your shoes I'd have made the 4.10 text something like
'not heard from you so I presume you cant make it...hope you're ok? let me know if you want to re arrange'

SweetSeraphim · 20/01/2013 17:39

Yep. Mercury has it spot on. I don't think he had any intention of coming on the date, but would rather blame you than feel guilty. Look at what happened the other day when you were supposed to be meeting for a coffee at lunchtime - he just ignored you until it was too late. I know you liked him, but he's a dick. NEXT!

Snapespeare · 20/01/2013 17:40

He's just trying to turn it around onto you, when in fact you didn't hear from him yesterday, when you ahd been in the habit of swapping texts (including filth) didn't get a response to your first text querying whether you were still on or not and then when you called him on his lack of communication, gets all arsey.

You haven't actually done anything. Grrrrr!

SweetSeraphim · 20/01/2013 17:41

So he was going to leave it until 4pm to confirm, knowing that you had sitters to arrange? Smacks to me of taking you for granted already.

You know all this watch x

VoiceofUnreason · 20/01/2013 17:41

Watch - you did nothing wrong. It isn't always possible to reply to a text immediately but your message about "manners" wasn't at all rude. A DECENT guy would have said "really sorry, been doing X and so only just picked up message. still want to meet if you'd like"

Sometimes, some people do think just because they've sent a text, a reply should be immediate, but that isn't always possible. But in this instance, he's behaved like a wanker. Sorry. He's an arse, shown his true colours. Have nothing more to do with him.

SweetSeraphim · 20/01/2013 17:42

I like you, Voice. Despite your name, you are often the voice of reason Grin

MsArsebiscuit · 20/01/2013 17:45

Watch, what Mercury, Sweet and Snape said, he's a fricking muppet who's attempting to transfer his guilt onto you, file along with tosspots such as Mr Vague, Spaceman, Shoegirl in the 'Worra Wankaaaaaa' filing cabinet.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 17:47

Watch you haven't done anything wrong.

He's been a timewaster from the start I think and he's just leapt on the chance to try and turn it around on you and get off scot free. Not in my eyes sunshine. I know your game. (him)

Do NOT feel bad!!

OP posts:
VoiceofUnreason · 20/01/2013 17:48

Sweet - most kind. Name was selected having lurked here for a long time and realising that, for 'some' MNetters, being a man was enough for anything I might say to be treated as totally unreasonable Grin

I also agree with Sweet in that the arse had no intention of meeting up. Wanker.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 17:48

Just read the other replies - yep I'm with SweetSeraphim. Spot on. Don't fall for it watch it was NOT you

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 20/01/2013 17:58

i dont think he did intend too. ive just had a message saying hes sorry, he massivly overeacted and is tired and feels ill.
wtf???

Bearing in mind fridays thing, and now this. i think yeah, hes married or something and trying to get cheap frills..... with no intention of meeting up.

Plus, even though i know i wasnt out of order, he s made me feel like im some sort of harpy fishwife or something.

Scattylatte · 20/01/2013 17:59

watch I'm not surprised you were angry. It is bad manners to arrange a date then not make any actual arrangements. He is a time waster....as they say.
Think no more of him or it.

Scrazy · 20/01/2013 18:07

Watch, I would delete and ignore him.

SweetSeraphim · 20/01/2013 18:11

Me too - otherwise you run the risk of having him pick you up again when he feels like it. I'm really disappointed in him, god knows how you must feel!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 18:26

Delete and ignore him. He's a timewaster. This is just more timewasting tactics from him. Or yeah as you say... possibly attached

Either way he is also manipulative - if he's like this in the early days when it's best behaviour then just think what you are potentially saving yourself from!

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 20/01/2013 18:31

Watch I was just checking to see if there was any news on your date, how bloody disappointing.

I don't think you have done anything wrong, and agree with those who say delete and ignore.

I have a bit of a temper, and a tendency to send somewhat terse texts/emails to people men when I am pissed off with them. What I have found with men is that the majority will either utterly ignore it (and I'll never hear from them again) or try and turn it round in a 'well if you can behave like that, you're clearly not the person I thought you were, blahblah' like tosspot did today, to make you feel bad. It's bullshit.

Nice men, men who are worth dating, wouldn't react like that. I have only recently realised that you can tell a lot about a man by how he handles this sort of situation, and that the fact most men I have known would blame me for being even a tiny bit cross means that I have been associating with all the wrong men!

superstarheartbreaker · 20/01/2013 18:32

Well I'm pissed off as i hav eabout 8 photos of me on OK Cupid looking good. This one man has on;ly 1 photo on his profile. He then asked me to e-mail him yet more photos. So I emailed him 2 rough ones as most of mine are rough. I just think you shallow bastard! I have no more good photos; only the ones on OK. He hasn't emailed me back even after me telling me that these are my rough photos!

VelvetSpoon · 20/01/2013 18:34

Also I think some men only want really passive women. (am thinking of a friends exDH, who used to refer to me as 'a handful' and suggest I needed a man to keep me in line...Hmm)

It offends their sense of self if a woman asserts herself in any way.

Again, they are not worth knowing!

VoiceofUnreason · 20/01/2013 18:35

Superstar - why did you bother sending him any more? He doesn't need any more photos if you've already got 8 up there! You should have been asking HIM for more if he's only got one. I always like to see more than one on a profile - usually a close-up face, one fuller length, one possibly doing something or a more active photo.