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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh punched me tonight now he's left threatning to kill himself

131 replies

pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:15

I cannot belief I am writing this but after being with dh for 12 years tonight we came in he was really drunk and awful to me all night and started freaking out at me and then started punching me and putting his hands around my throat.
He has never done anything like that before although we have been struggling with our relationship for years.
I told him to go to the other room to sleep (we live overseas BTW hense time difference)
He go up to go he had a knife in his hands hidden.
I started to have massive panic attack when I saw it as we have 2 children.
I begged him to put knife down and leave the house.
He has done but is threatening to kill himself.
I can't beleive this has happened.
He has nowhere to go but what do i do.
he is also really drunk

OP posts:
Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:16

and he is blaming me that I frustrate him and am emotionless

OP posts:
AnyaKnowIt · 01/11/2012 19:17

Call the police and tell them that he is planning to kill himself.
Also tell them what happened.

AnyaKnowIt · 01/11/2012 19:18

He is the one to blame and he knows it!

DontmindifIdo · 01/11/2012 19:19

He won't kill himself, he's hoping the crisis moves from "My husband hit me" to "My husband is going to kill himself" - it's working, isn't it? It's now all part of him being unstable, not him being violent.

Call the police about the assault, tell them he's threatening to kill himself too. Keep him away from the DCs.

Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:20

we live in the middle east so the police wouldn't care - would actually probably blame me. I called his friend and his friend is saying i should let him back in the house but i am scared

OP posts:
regnamechange · 01/11/2012 19:20

Call the police!

CogitoErgoSparklers · 01/11/2012 19:20

Call the police and secure your home extremely well. Don't let him back in whatever he says or does. Protect yourself and your DCs

regnamechange · 01/11/2012 19:20

Sorry missed your post. Any family?

CogitoErgoSparklers · 01/11/2012 19:22

If the police won't take it seriously, tell them he threatened to kill a man... Confused. Tell his 'friend' to give him a bed for the night if he's so fond of him. Don't you dare open your door.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 01/11/2012 19:40

Agree that you should keep him out of the house if you possibly can. He will not kill himself, by the way, and the fact that he has "nowhere to go" is purely his own concern, not yours. Your only responsibility is the safety of yourself and your DC - not of another adult.

Do you have anywhere to go with your DC, should the need arise for you to be out of the house? If yes, then advise the person that you might be showing up on their doorstep at short notice, and have all essential documents packed and ready to go.

It's so hard to advise you as I would somebody living in a Western country, as I do not know what rules and practices apply. He is abusive, and he has crossed a limit such that you really do need to remain apart from him now.

HissyByName · 01/11/2012 19:42

Get out to a friend's, then get out on a plane.

Call your embassy before you call the police.

PoppyAmex · 01/11/2012 19:42

OP if police wont help do you have any ex-pat friends over there?

bochead · 01/11/2012 19:45

If you are in the middle east you need to protect yourself.

Tonight

  1. Ask his friend to put him up tonight. Be honest and tell him you are terrified with 2 small children in the house. Barricade the doors.
  1. Locate your passports and look online for a flight for yourself and you children back to the UK at the earliest opportunity. If you have to blow the credit card to pay for the flights then do so. (If you can't get a direct flight because the earliest available stops in Amsterdam en route then do it).

Tomorrow or as soon as is physically possible.

  1. Get on a plane home!

Do NOT discuss this with ANYONE, least of all your husband!

Once in the UK you can sleep at a siblings, your parents or even a women's refuge. No SS department anywhere in the UK will leave you with no roof over your head.

From a UK base you can decide what to do next. Whether that be discussing WHY this happened with your husband, visiting relate or whatever. However that can only happen once you and your CHILDREN are physically safe and protected. Right now you are in a very dangerous situation, even if your partner is also British.

You have NO rights at all worth mentioning right now and if this escalates could potentially lose custody of your kids to a man who even if we are being very kind can only be described as mentally unstable and therefore unsafe to be in sole charge of children. No money, lifestyle, moral standpoint or even 12 years of love and companionship is worth that risk. Get to the UK and then take everything from there (- including dealing with your feelings of shock that the man you love has done this at all).

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

ThatVikRinA22 · 01/11/2012 19:48

do you have anyone there at all OP? family or friends? do not under any circs let your DH back in while he is in this state. you are in danger. can you get out with the kids to a friends or relatives?

are you from the UK originally? if so i would be on the next plane home with the kids.

Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:48

I really cant believe this has happened what will happen to me and my poor children - I can t beleive this what will I do

OP posts:
Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:49

my poor poor children they dont deserve this

OP posts:
JaquelineHyde · 01/11/2012 19:49

Please listen to what bochead has just said. You must get on a flight asap so you can feel safe and make decisions with a clearer head.

ThatVikRinA22 · 01/11/2012 19:49

x posts. yes yes to get home and tell noone of your plans. dont think - just do.

Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:49

yes we are all british but i ve always lived here

OP posts:
Original poster
pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:50

so have my kids they dont know england at all

OP posts:
Romilly70 · 01/11/2012 19:52

So Sorry this has happened to you, would you be able to say which country you are in, so we could help you find flights so that you can sort out your children and pack

CogitoErgoSparklers · 01/11/2012 19:52

Try not to panic. You've had a very frightening experience, you need to get yourself and your DCs safe and you need to keep away from your husband until he at least sobers up and calms down. If you got a flight back to the UK would there be someone you could stay with? In the meantime, can you call anyone in your family? Ask a friend to come and sit with you?

ThatVikRinA22 · 01/11/2012 19:53

if you want to keep hold of your children then i would get them to the UK without a moments hesitation.

i think you re in danger and so are they.

you say he has punched you and strangled you and has a knife. fucking hell leave!!!! asap! it doesnt matter - practicalities can be sorted later.

do you have any support right now?

saintlyjimjams · 01/11/2012 19:53

Do you have family in the UK?

Romilly70 · 01/11/2012 19:53

Do you have any family / friends in the UK you can go to?

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