dh punched me tonight now he's left threatning to kill himself

[pdz2012]

I cannot belief I am writing this but after being with dh for 12 years tonight we came in he was really drunk and awful to me all night and started freaking out at me and then started punching me and putting his hands around my throat.
He has never done anything like that before although we have been struggling with our relationship for years.
I told him to go to the other room to sleep (we live overseas BTW hense time difference)
He go up to go he had a knife in his hands hidden.
I started to have massive panic attack when I saw it as we have 2 children.
I begged him to put knife down and leave the house.
He has done but is threatening to kill himself.
I can't beleive this has happened.
He has nowhere to go but what do i do.
he is also really drunk

I know there is a lot going on in your head at the moment.
Take it a couple of steps at a time:

1. Pack your bags and make sure you have all passports and important documents.
2. Call a trusted friend to come and collect you and the DC's; you can make travel arrangements from their house.

Please just get out of there asap

he sounds unstable and dangerous.
are you injured?
this is worse because of where you are - you have no protection and no one to call.
i would not remain in such a vulnerable position if i were you - i know how hard it is, but i really would send the message that you will not put yourself and your children at risk and come to the uk or to a family member.

he sounds dangerous.

you are too vulnerable.
the childrn will be fine - better if they are not listening to their dad knock seven shades out of their mum....

flee. get the fuck out. asap.

get to your parents. They don't like him, well they'll like him even less when they hear this, it's not like they love him and you'll be shattering their illusions.

Get your passports and get a flight out of there. If you have to start again in the UK or another European country you can.

I repeat, he will not kill himself. If he felt that way he'd have done it by now.

BTW - you can always go back once you've left, if you really can't deal with this being final, tell yourself it's not. But it's easier to get yourself and your DCs out of a dangerous situation then return once it's safe than it is to try and manage a dangerous situation.

Can you contact any Expats organisation or British lawyer for advice?

Maybe ask in the overseas section or legal section aswell?

are there any other mumsnetters where you are?

He may well have come back in order to get the kids and take them. You need to get away and as soon as possible.

Oh my darling girl - this is frightful. Bochead has given the best possible advice available. You and the children must come first; better embarassment - perhaps admitting your family might have been right about your DH. That is so much better than risking that this might happen again and your children's safety. There is only one person in the wrong and it isn't you. It is always harder if I think if you have gone against your family's advice but better to admit now than after the next time.

I am 52 and my children are teenagers. I hope they, especially my daughter, know they can always come home if things get tough (not that they have gone anywhere yet). I never had the best of relationships with my mum; I always know she would be inclined to say I told you so, but in spite of that I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WOULD BE A BED FOR ME IN YOUR SITUATION AND I BET THERE IS FOR YOU TOO.

Get yourself back to those who love you - even if they say "I told you so". That little bit of embarassment will be worth it in the longer term for your children.

Good luck - take care, keep safe. KEEP SAFE.

Do you and your children have passports?

Seriously, book a flight for as soon as you can leave without him knowing and go to your parents - never mind the tiny flat, you can stay in a budget hotel on their doorstep until you sort yourself out.

i.e search out flights but don't book and pay until the last minute when you can actually go, unless you have a credit card for which he does not have access and will not be able to see the expenditure.

Forget embarrassment - you are not the first or the last to experience this, and you would hardly expect a good friend of yours to stay in such a situation because they were too embarrassed to tell you, would you?

So sorry about this, but you have everything to lose and nothing to gain by staying.

I hope you're ok!

Follow the advice of other posters and get out of there! Make sure you and your DCs are safe.

Delete your history and cookies from the computer so your DH doesn't accidentally see your posts (could make situation worse!).

To be clear: you could lose the children or you could end up imprisoned in a violent marriage, with the children witnessing everything...he will do this again.

I have lived in the ME for 10 years. I have not been in this situation, but knowing what I do about the British Embassies abroad in times of crises, forget the embassy. Just go online and book your tickets either to your parents or someone else you feel close to. I know what you mean about Fridays, but there are still taxis and planes on Fridays.
Depending on what country you're in (probably most of them in fact) also don't bother with the "police".

If you lived in London and your parents/friends/someone close lived around the corner, then we'd all be telling you to go around the corner. Sadly as expats we don't usually have that option and are more vulnerable as a result.

It's ok to be sad, scared and incredibly shocked, what happened tonight is something huge, not normal and not ok. I'm not sure, however, that those feelings or any others you have can justify staying put with your children. Something is wrong with him, not you, and you can't fix it. The ONLY thing you can do is protect yourself and your children, both psychologically and physically, by going somewhere safe - that means somewhere he is not.

I have a small idea of what a nightmare this must be for you because you are not in a supportive society etc, and I truly feel for you. Please skip the denial (it was a one off, he won't do it again, he didn't mean it..) and just make sure your children are 100% safe.

Lots of great support here op, I also think you should leave first, talk later.
How old are the children? Old enough to to feel fearful themselves?
Use the time he is asleep to bet some things together. You need to be your own best friend here. Stay safe.

BTW - your parents might have a tiny flat, but they probably know people near by who'll have room for you in the short term. Go.

Call the police NOW. OP I'm in a profession where I support women experiencing domestic abuse (DA).

I don't want to frighten you any more than you must be already but if I don't provide the following information, I wouldn't be offering the correct support for your situation.

It is fact that where DA is present, with a strangulation attempt & the perpetrator is either suicidal or threatening suicide or murder, the chances are, he means it. Additionally, there is a very strong link between murder suicide in these instances.

I apologise for seeming cold and to the point but you must ensure your safety & that of your children.

Please let us know how you get on.

I'm relieved to see cantreach posting as I was one of the posters mentioning the embassy.

We now know that your children ONLY have you to rely on. So: book your flights, clear your history, get to your parents and THEN worry about everything else.

You can do this! You MUST do this.

Itsall she is in the ME. Police are no good to her there unfortunately.

Fuck the shame - there will be no need for shame if he uses that bloody knife. Sorry to be blunt but you need to pull yourself together and do something to ensure the safety of yourself and your children.

If you don't feel you can go to your parents, just get yourself to the uk or another EU country. You can work everything else out once you are all safe. Please get out of there.

Get in touch with the British Consul immediately.

I again apologise for not reading anything further than the original post.

Can we help at all from here? Look
Up flights, phone the embassy on your behalf? Anything, it's a shame he has come back, stay safe tonight if its not right to act tonight, is tomorrow a working day or does a holy day kick in tomorrow till Sat? You need to be safe, then clear with your plan and calm - come to the uk, go to your parents, whatever you do, just think and do it -

Pm me or post here we can all help

itsall doesn't seem like the embassy will be much help either :(

OP are you ok???

OP,
not sure which country you are in, but here are some of the middle eastern airlines & BA

Qatar Airways

British Airways

Emirates

Kuwait Airways

Ethihad

What bochead said, without a doubt.

It doesn't matter he's at home, just grab the passports and go. Don't pack if he is around. Just give an excuse and leave.

Any European country is better than the middle east.

I left home (in Europe) with nothing just to make sure that DS and I were safe. It was sorted later, but safety is paramount.

Remember that if he is suicidal, the risk of him killing you and the dc is high if he is at home. Remember all those cases where the father kills his family before himself?

Stay safe and good luck. :)