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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

dh punched me tonight now he's left threatning to kill himself

131 replies

pdz2012 · 01/11/2012 19:15

I cannot belief I am writing this but after being with dh for 12 years tonight we came in he was really drunk and awful to me all night and started freaking out at me and then started punching me and putting his hands around my throat.
He has never done anything like that before although we have been struggling with our relationship for years.
I told him to go to the other room to sleep (we live overseas BTW hense time difference)
He go up to go he had a knife in his hands hidden.
I started to have massive panic attack when I saw it as we have 2 children.
I begged him to put knife down and leave the house.
He has done but is threatening to kill himself.
I can't beleive this has happened.
He has nowhere to go but what do i do.
he is also really drunk

OP posts:
Lueji · 02/11/2012 14:27

If i had been with someone for 12 years and they had never done anything like this before then attacked me i'd be really worried about them.

I'd worry about myself and the children first and then them, to be honest.

He can always go for help on his own, or with the help of friends.

The OP (or the other party) cannot simply put her own safety at risk for the sake of being concerned about someone else's mental state.

TinyDancingHoofer · 02/11/2012 15:21

If there really is no history of this behaviour, then yes i would be worried. Not just jumping on a plane.

I'd really hope that if i had been with someone for over a decade and then suddenly developed a serious mental health issue that they would try and help me. Not leave me to the help of friends and take my kids to another country.

Of course there is no evidence that mental health is even an issue in OPs case and she should of course take her children somewhere safe.

Lueji · 02/11/2012 15:36

The mental health issue is a red herring.

The point is safety.

Most mental disorders do not cause the person to attack their spouse and threaten suicide.

I don't think it's a mental health issue in this case, but the drunkenness.

OP, I do hope you are safe.

AnnaKissed · 02/11/2012 15:54

I am in the me too (Qatar). pm me if I can be of any practical help.

SirBoobAlot · 02/11/2012 18:05

Even if he has got a mental health issue, that doesn't mean the OP should be a punching bag for it. And I say that as someone with a mental health condition. If you have really worked with mentally ill people, then frankly I feel for their families if that's what you have advocated to them!

OP do let us know you are okay when you can.

seaofyou · 02/11/2012 18:10

If this was in UK and DH threatened DW with children here in house Social Services would have removed kids if DW did not leave with them....after all DW adult but DC can't make decisions.

If this DH is mentally unwell then here he would be sectioned...if not a police matter.

But whatever the cause the first rule of Mental Health is 'safety of self and others' and 'dc safety being paramount' so yes you have no choice but to leave or DH be admitted to hospital for assessment as you and your dc are at risk and you are not a psychiatrist to deal with and should be left to those services as your only priority is you and your dc.

I know they don't have same powers here so Boc's advice is the only option. Russian roulette of your dc on your hands if you stay or your dc being left without a mother!

Theas18 · 02/11/2012 18:22

voice of the voiceless

I hear what you are saying but you NEED to READ the thread.

THe op is somewhere where women have no real rights. Noone will keep her safe . She needs to get out and then think of helping her DH. If she puts him first, firstly I suspect mental health issues are poorly understood in the ME country she's in and secondly she'll be forced to stay with him .

op, can you update?

SirBoobAlot · 03/11/2012 00:22

Do hope you're okay OP.

hellymelly · 03/11/2012 00:30

op really hope you are alright.

Lavenderhoney · 03/11/2012 03:28

I hope you have got out of there. The police and embassy woud be useless, I have friends out there and lived in the middle east myself. Do your dc have British passports? You need copies of salary statements, bank statements, will, anything like that. Or just take the original. Get a copy of his passport to, in case he threatens to follow you to the uk and get the dc/ finish you off. You can hand it to the police in the uk if he threatens you.

Was hs friend there when he threatened you or did you call him as you were worried about your dh? The fact he had a knife hidden shows he gave it some thought, was he drinking heavily to build up courage to do it? Next time might be easier.

Am amazed you let him in. Today, take dc out, and stay in a hotel with wifi for your own safety plus lots of people about. Do not tell him where as ou know saff would let any maniac up if he says hes your husband. If you have online access to accounts then move money fast.Email or call parents or someone in the uk. Are your dc school age? It won't be dreadful if they miss a bit of school. Better than missing you for good.

Suspect he may have someone else and realises if you split up you get the dc, lots of money and he sees your removal as solving all his problems. Do not be alone with him again, and seeing as dc being in the house doesn't stop him, a maid won't either.

Stay with your parents til you decide where you want to live in the uk, pending where they live and if you like the area, can work there, etc.

As for the embarresmnt , it could be worse behind their doors. And it's better to be alive than a bit redfaced.

Hope your ok?

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 03/11/2012 11:02

OP are you ok?

Walkacrossthesand · 03/11/2012 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingangoolie · 04/11/2012 11:36

Op are you OK?

skiesmylimit · 04/11/2012 14:01

Oh hope your ok OP .

hattymattie · 04/11/2012 19:49

I also was wondering about you OP. Hope no news is good news and that you got a plane and got out of there.

hellymelly · 04/11/2012 20:53

OP am also hoping no news is good news- have been worrying about you and really hope you and your child are safe and sound.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 05/11/2012 11:25

me too helly

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 05/11/2012 11:29

OP has posted under another name and all is well. Not sure about linking as guessing she doesn't want an obvious connection...

timewastingonhere · 05/11/2012 11:52

Oh good to hear that thank you for letting us know - would like to read the thread but I agree with you about linking -

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 05/11/2012 11:57

thank you margot Would also like to read thread, possible to PM me the link so it isnt obvious?

izzyizin · 05/11/2012 11:58

Are you certain it's the same OP, Margo? There've been a number of posts from OPs in the ME of late and one who's posted today to the effect that they've 'made it' is not this OP.

Portofino · 05/11/2012 11:59

I don't think it the same OP.

izzyizin · 05/11/2012 12:13

The update today is from another OP who has been a victim of dv and who seized a rare opportunity to return the UK with her one child.

This OP has 2 dc and I would hazard a guess that when her h sobered up he professed himself to be extremely sorry and and she's taken him back on the understanding that it will never happen again... until the next time.

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 05/11/2012 12:21

My apologies for getting it wrong. Sorry! In bed with the lurgy, not on top form.

Hoping too that OP on this thread is ok.

Bertrude · 05/11/2012 13:08

Just to let you know I have now had contact from the OP. she's ok, not wonderful as you can imagine but she's ok and knows where I am if she needs anything at all

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