how do I ask him NOT to fondle me in the kitchen, without causing offence

[Easy]

DH and I have been together 13 years now, still in love, still reasonably 'active in the bedroom', like kissing with tongues (saw other thread) and miss each other like mad since dh has started working away Mon-Fri.

BUT, over the last few months he's developed the habit of coming up behind me when I'm working in the kitchen, and fondling my bum or boobs etc. I know it's a sign of affection (and that he still fancies me), but it does irritate me a bit, when I'm trying to cook, or have the dishcloth in my hand. I don't want to offend (esp as he's only here 2 nights a week ATM, what would you say?

They are just so unsubtle aren't they. When my Dh is in the mood, he'll get this really sleazy slimey look on his face and start making innuendos, a bit like Kenneth Williams. It doesn't nothing for me, for some reason .

In fact I might hide his Carry On film collection. He's always going round saying "Tent up first Barbara, bunk up later" and laughing his head off . The girls are starting to copy him.

Oh Sandyballs, my dh loves all that too. He says, 'Helloooo' like Leslie Phillips. And he says things like 'this could be your lucky day' or 'Woof Woof!' in the style of Captain Flashheart from Blackadder.

Me too!I usually scream Ooh Matron a la carry on so I am probably egging him on.Nice to know he still fancies you though isn't it?

, glad I'm not the only one with a DH like that!

Am howling with laughter at some of the lines here!! My ex used to say "oooooooh matron" in Carry On style too. It always made me want to slap him, but he though it was hilarious.
I've noticed that lots of men seem to do the groping in the kitchen thing. Current boyf actually tries to pull down my trousers. I find it sooooo unsexy!

I once avoided mentioning to DP that we had a melon in the fruitbowl for a full week because I thought he'd take the word 'melon' as a suggestive remark

Yep, my dh is a groper too. They are so unsubtle aren't they? If they behaved like this on a first date we would run a mile!

Oh dear, that's where I went wrong on our first date

Mine also says 'How you doin' like Joey out of Friends.

And if we're off out and I say 'Where are you taking me?' he always says 'To Heaven and back, baby.'

LOL MI! So yours did grope on the first date and you didn't run?

If I try to resist the groping my dh says 'don't fight it, it's bigger than the both of us'

Mine does this (re original thread title).. I quite like it.. .. am I a slut?

lucky you easy. enjoy it while it lasts.

Blimey Anorak, your dh's patter really is something special!!! I hope he keeps good his promises to make up for these howlers!!

my fella does this and it always means that he wants sex it really annoying

i just want a cuddle sometimes not to be treated like a sex slave lol

It just boils down to men and women having different feelings about sex I think. Women need a bit more notice, need to be in the mood, it's not just physical for us but emotional also. Whereas men have many sexual thoughts every day, even whilst doing mundane things. I can honestly say I don't think about sex every day, as for dh, he thinks about it every second The older he gets the worse he gets.

Yeah bugsy it seemed funny the first hundred times he said it.

Fulfil his promises? Pah! All talk. Love him dearly though.

Oh, i get "Phwooooaaaaarrrrrrr". And cant mention anything food related or i get various swallow innuendos. He cannot see why i just dont want to shag him there and then when he says it.

But then he thinks a wet willy is a turn on

Am howling with laughter at this one!!

Shaking hands!
Squeezing dh's balls while he watches the footy!
'Kitchen' perhaps having taken over from Pouch of Douglas as euphemism du jour!
Carry On lines!
Circumlocuting fruity appellations!!

It's brilliant!!

Easy,no advice other than to say you should be glad he still fancies you!

I get goosed all the timein the kitchen too and with ds now 11 it's a bit much really, I get quite arsey with him and mention the watershed...

I think I'd start keeping the kitchen closed w/a sign on it that reads like 'No room for lovin', Mama's a-cookin'!'

I don't like being groped. At all. Period.

arrgghh my dh does this too and it really pisses me off!!! I keep telling him im not a piece of meat to be pawed at and he gets offended and starts moaning that i dont fancy him!!

and when he is horny, he comes on to me in the most annoying way - for example, he'll just say "am i gonna get any?" so romantic - not

and even if i say no, he does it anyway, keeps on and on touching me and irritating me til i give in!!

he was pretty pissed off the other day though cause he was erm, going at it and for some reason i blurted out "omg, ive missed jordan and peter on itv2" dont know where it came from but it did the job - he got in a huff and stopped and i got to go to sleep!! thank you jordan!!

If I squeezed my dh's balls while he was watching football, he'd think all his birthdays had come at once!