Archers thread #150: For whom the sausage rolls: George over a Berrow, Fallon & Harrison seek new lease on life, is it all a Fête Accompli? Discuss The Snivelling Simpletons, sorry, The Archers, here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

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Thanks for title suggestions. I basically took @OverArmour's excellent suggestion and managed to shoehorn in snivelling simpleton, gloriously coined by @Eastie77Returns to refer to Lee in the first instance.

@WitcheryDivine suggested Recharging, Red Kites and The Man They Call Ron, is Ambridge becoming an earthly paradise or a hell on earth? which seems as good a place as any to kick off our discussions! Ron = Rob, a fortuitous typo on a previous thread. It does feel a bit as if we're marking time before he turns up again. Odd to do what could be a high profile storyline over the summer holidays when a lot of people will be away, but depending on your point of view, maybe that's a blessing!

Whither George? Is he shaping up to be Andrew Tate mark 2?

Everybody looking forward to Ferret Fun at the Fête? Me neither.

Over to you!

We know Xander and Martha already have ferrets as Brian bought a couple at the LL event. How many more potential customers are out there?

I am sure Ian's wood-fired pizza van certainly won't have been given a pitch at this year's fête.

I suspect that it will be at the forefront of Lynda's catering plans for the fete now she's back in the saddle.

That does seem rather spot although i hope to God that they don't go along the "George-the-rescuer-thus-more-dickish" route....

Perhaps a randomly visiting celeb will behold their wonder, like Toyah did Will's pottery last year?

"A sculpture or a plate, depending on your needs" 😆

Must say I was surprised to hear mention of a new and unknown Head of Food - I had thought Ian was already certain of getting his job back at the resurrected GG. Did I just imagine a conversation with either Oliver or Adil to that effect?

I’d be willing to accept that Head of Food is a separate job - more to do with sourcing and relationships with suppliers - but that hasn't been indicated so far.

And yes - I look forward to the LL allotment being the scene of many happy romantic interludes (aka ferocious quarrels) between Annoyingly Arch Adil and the young lady of the manor.

Where do we think he’ll live, long term??

@Twyford I can't think that Ian will have had a great year so far with his pizza van with this atrocious weather. He might do well to be looking for alternative sources of income by now.

And the way things are going weather-wise the fête is likely to be a complete wash-out - in more ways than one! Can even Lynda come up with anything to confound the elements?

I’d be willing to accept that Head of Food is a separate job - more to do with sourcing and relationships with suppliers - but that hasn't been indicated so far

I have to admit I don’t know a lot about restaurant kitchens but surely a good head chef would want to have control over the sourcing of his kitchen’s ingredients. I can imagine him/her having a helper who does all the donkey work on sourcing/ordering/liaising with suppliers (esp the annoying ones like Tom and Helen) but the title of Head of Food seems grander than it should be for that role. Ardil should have recruited a head chef for GG already, really. What does he really know about cheese? Why is he doing the sampling as well as managing the builders?

Ian must be missing his head chef salary by now - esp given his partner is drawing a labourer’s wage. How much money are they really making on the pizza wagon?!?

Maybe Ian will use the mozzarella.

Is there any chance Fallon might be in the running for Head of Food? Would certainly provide ample opportunities for hand wringing at Bridge Farm.

@CompaniesHouse What an excellent thought!

It’s done now, but the whole Adam appropriating 5k from Home Farm to pay an electrician was - bollocks. In reality the two of them would surely have amassed oooooodles of savings from their combined salaries and investments, and no Archer in history has ever been short of a handout from a rich family member whenever needed.

How much cheese and veg does GG buy its only a Hotel and I think thay might buy daily. Tom and Helen are talking like the order is really big and keeps the cheese, yogurt and veg buisness going.

Plus GG has been shut for a long time, so if they haven't adapted by now, they don't deserve the business anyway.

I suspect that, like many non-crafters, the SWs don’t understand that crocheting and knitting are two completely different things.

But also like Eddie and Will and other Grundies? Have we heard directly from Clarrie on the ferret creation process? I can easily imagine her saying, "I've told you so many times, Eddie, knitting and crochet are not the same..."

Is there any chance Fallon might be in the running for Head of Food?

If GG really is going to be the country house hotel equivalent of the Savoy, which Adil seems to imply it is, I suspect Fallon might go to pieces and run screaming down the beautifully-manicured gravel approximately 2 seconds into that role. It needs a senior chef not someone with pub and tearoom experience.

(I can’t help thinking of W1A’s ‘Director of Better’ every time I read ‘Head of Food’)

I was wondering if Tom might wangle Head of Food for Natasha? And she'll still not source the mozzarella from Helen further growing family rift (and even more airtime for the bloody Bridge Farm Archers 😬). Surely Ian must be a prime customer for Helen's mozzarella?
I like Adil, maybe he'll get lodgings at Grey Gables, there must be some (nice?) staff quarters there?

Tom and Helen went to a meeting with no costings? How on earth are the credible business people?

I love it when Lynda asserts herself, she’s so melodramatic. Brad didn’t stand a chance.

I would watch a spin-off special with Lynda and Brad as a cosy crime movie - A Fête Worse Than Death.

I like Adil, maybe he'll get lodgings at Grey Gables, there must be some (nice?) staff quarters there?

Ardil is meant to be a high flier. It stretches credulity that he is happy lodging with the Snells but to relegate him to staff quarters at GG would surely be a bridge too far. In reality he would be looking to rent or more likely buy at least a three bedroom (beautifully refurbished) house (not cottage). A new-build on the Beechwood estate would simply not do though he would probably have been very happy renting Shula’s house were it not taken over by Josh and Lily.

A chi-chi apartment overlooking the docks (if there were docks) in Felpersham would be an option.

You can tell I am in need of distraction today! This thread is perfect for the professional prevaricator!

Tom and Helen went to a meeting with no costings? How on earth are the credible business people?

I imagine that was because the SW wanted / needed to avoid any on air conversation involving actual figures!?

Ha, maybe we need to keep it along the same theme.

’For whom the mozzarella balls, Helen and Tom are cheesed off, George is not a Prince, is it a Ferret Accompli?’

Well not really, but it’s fun to try

Oh ye of little faith. Lynda doesn't even start thinking about the Christmas play/panto/nativity or whatever before November each year but always pulls off a resounding success. Rescuing the fete will be child's play for her.

working in project management this is a valid approach. prepare everything and then pounce just in time for go life.

After last night's episode I maintain my stance that Tom the Regional Sausage Merchant is nowhere near the big business honcho that he fancies himself as.

And I second Ian as Head of Food, 'street food' like his pizza van is usually quite expensive so I should imagine the cost of living crisis plus the wet summer might see him wondering about something more stable for the long term. Head of Food sounds a bit more...executive than Head Chef so it might leave him with enough free time to do both HoF and pizza-vanning?

I'm guessing a Head of Food would work very closely with the head chef but would be responsible for all food, and more strategy, buying, food events, etc etc.
I agree that staff quarters would be below Adil but I'm still of the fantasy that there is one huge beautiful penthouse-esque flat there which I had ever presumed Oliver lived grandly in - until I was surprised to hear that he is bunking up in his own beautiful home with the Grundy's for seemingly no sensible reason at all.
Has anyone moved into the cottage that Brian (and Jenny) recently left?

Oliver was living in a suite at GG after Caroline’s death, wasn’t he? But there was a mutual decision between Sterling and Grundys that he shouldn’t go on living alone and should move in with them.

As another widower, like Oliver, Adil might not be keen to set up a new home on his own - so a GG suite would be the obvious solution. No one could possibly want to live long term with Lynda’s constant nose-poking into one’s life. (I’m still assuming he and his family secretly own the share of GG Oliver sold. He’s not short of money so the current situation is ridiculous.)

I think Rob will die. As long as he's alive he's the baddie. With him dead you can bring in the rest of his family and - most importantly - Helen becomes the potential villain to her sons in the future (teen years anyway).

I can't believe Helen and Tom expect Adil to stick to some imaginary agreement with no communication in the meantime. They're shit.

I assume Lynda will be replacing Ardil’s curtains when she takes the existing pair down. They will take at least a week to be cleaned and he can’t be left curtainless for all that time. Removing/rehanging decent curtains is quite a heavy job so it’s lucky she has bounced back from her injuries from the GG fire.

I did wonder if it was really necessary to disturb a paying guest in this way but I suppose she can’t postpone it indefinitely.

The 🔮 approves of this prediction