Archers thread #150: For whom the sausage rolls: George over a Berrow, Fallon & Harrison seek new lease on life, is it all a Fête Accompli? Discuss The Snivelling Simpletons, sorry, The Archers, here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you think people frequently miss their own weddings because of a morning quickie while in a plaster cast, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks for title suggestions. I basically took @OverArmour's excellent suggestion and managed to shoehorn in snivelling simpleton, gloriously coined by @Eastie77Returns to refer to Lee in the first instance.

@WitcheryDivine suggested Recharging, Red Kites and The Man They Call Ron, is Ambridge becoming an earthly paradise or a hell on earth? which seems as good a place as any to kick off our discussions! Ron = Rob, a fortuitous typo on a previous thread. It does feel a bit as if we're marking time before he turns up again. Odd to do what could be a high profile storyline over the summer holidays when a lot of people will be away, but depending on your point of view, maybe that's a blessing!

Whither George? Is he shaping up to be Andrew Tate mark 2?

Everybody looking forward to Ferret Fun at the Fête? Me neither.

Over to you!

I actually chuckled at tonight's episode. Loved Brad's description of the Grundy organisational chaos. With the strange synchronicity that TA sometimes has with my life, I had just had a meeting on Zoom which was kind of similar, discussion of who to be treasurer, have we enough funds etc, so maybe normally I wouldn't have chuckled.

Where does the seed money come from for the fete, BTW? How much wool does it take to knit a ferret, and how big are they? Then there's the stuffing. Where did the money come from for the materials needed?

And how long does it take to knit a ferret (even if you aren't the one doing the stuffing and sewing up)? How much of her time can Clarrie devote to ferret-knitting.

Any crafters care to estimate how many ferrets Clarrie has knitted? (I can knit, but very slowly, and haven't done any for a few years.)

The only way this can work is if Adil realises what Tom is up to and tells him he will buy all of the cheese on condition that Tom never speak to him again.

I'd consider that a bargain. In fact Helen could advertise that as a kind of free gift and multiply her sales 🤔

I find Adil's soft voice and precise speech deeply creepy. Reminiscent of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter.

A completely unrelated point, but I feel sure Joy's gentleman friend will prevail on his showbiz connections to ensure a truly excellent band will appear at the fête.

Has anyone ever collected data on how much we hear from each character, in minutes, aggregated per week or per month perhaps?
If someone hasn't I'd love it if someone did, I'd find it fascinating 🧐
... My main point being, man alive we have had a lot of Helen and Tom recently! Rob, the awful twin modelling story, the party, now this effing cheese business. Where are Kenton and Jolene, Lilly, Paul the lovely vet nurse, Alistair, etc etc the list goes on! No no just more blimmin Helen and awful Tom!

Tom's entree with Adil will be the allotment which, by the way, is the strongest indication Adll will be sticking around so will surely need a more permanent base.

Hearing Helen and Tom being dropped makes me feel all warm inside.

Me too, @BeardieWeirdie

Helen’s dropped the mozzarella ball, George is a pig, Stella and Pip go to Camp David, and will Lynda ferret out the truth?

Yes, he’s oddly cold. Still maintain he’s Paddington Bear with plastic eyes.

I reckon a keen knitter can knit 1 unstuffed ferret in front of the Tv of an evening.

I may be on my own here, but I like Adil's voice.

I like Adil too, but he should run like the wind, allotment or no...

I quite like Adil too. Am hoping in the future we might see him being coaxed out of his shell by someone...

or do I mean "hear"

I'm way too wedded to the current thread title for whom the sausage rolls, I don't want a new one soon 😂

Indeed it's a banger.🌭

Makes me smile, too, every time I open it!

Is it me or we haven't had a scene in the bull for a while? Think the very last scene we had (tête à tête) was with Justin and Jim but that was aaaages ago (and not including Tracy and Jazzer's wedding reception because those were group scenes). I honestly can't recall when i last heard Kenton speak so I'm with @PuppyPerson on this too.

Brad didnt sound so nervy. Hw was so sweet.
You go Lindy!
How much cheese and veg does GG buy its only a Hotel and I think thay might buy daily. Tom and Helen are talking like the order is really big and keeps the cheese, yogurt and veg buisness going.

Helen and Tom are such entitled fools. It reminds me of the distant past when I got an admin job in a university. One of the things I had to do was book rooms for teaching. I found a lot of information on how to do it on the website and followed the instructions there, which meant working out our requirements for the whole year and submitting a request to the designated Room Booking Administrator in a central department. In due course we got our allocation back, I notified the tutors and off we went.

One course was booked into a room in a building on the other side of the campus. On the first day, proceedings were disrupted when a woman burst into the room mid-session and said 'Sorry, we have this room booked, you'll have to find somewhere else.' When questioned, she explained that they always used this room on this day, it was their room, in their corridor, so of course she hadn't booked it, everybody just knew she needed it then.

It turned out that this was the first year the formal booking system had been in place. Many, many emails had been sent round explaining that all teaching rooms were now to be booked through this central administrator and nobody should assume they could just use any given room whenever they wanted. Our disruptor had ignored all these emails as they couldn't possibly apply to her, given how obvious her need for this room was and how long-standing her use of it.

Helen and Tom have complacently assumed that they can get the Grey Gables orders with no effort, because that's how it always worked with Ian. (BTW, is Ian likely to get the Head of Food job at GG? Adil has just sacked the last one ...)

I think you have Helen's character off to a T with that story, Gasp. That's EXACTLY what she would do.

(The ferrets can’t possibly be life-size. Ferrets are long and liquid and sinuous. Knitting a full-size one would take a while. But equally, a mini one would be quite fiddly. And do you knit them in the round, like socks, to avoid having to sew them closed? Now you’re getting into multiple-needle territory - or magic loop knitting. It’s sounding more and more complicated to me….are any of the SWs knitters?)

Oh ye of little faith. Lynda doesn't even start thinking about the Christmas play/panto/nativity or whatever before November each year but always pulls off a resounding success. Rescuing the fete will be child's play for her.

Clarrie's ferret production also depends on whether Eddie et al really are taking up the slack in terms of cooking, cleaning etc. It's incredibly unlikely that they are doing it to her standards, so I'm guessing she's lucky if she gets a couple of hours' knitting done every evening. But no doubt the Ambridge knitting fairy means she's been able to churn out a minimum of ten ferrets a day.

(BTW, is Ian likely to get the Head of Food job at GG? Adil has just sacked the last one ...)

Hmm. Not sure.

I am sure Ian's wood-fired pizza van certainly won't have been given a pitch at this year's fête.

IIRC, Ian's complaints caused the Grundy ferrety fun stall at Lower Loxley's May-fest to be relocated to the back of beyond, on hygiene grounds!

As I think some mentioned upthread, it’s far easier, and crucially, quicker to crochet a ferret, and if you do a google search there are (perhaps surprisingly?) lots of patterns.

But I suspect that, like many non-crafters, the SWs don’t understand that crocheting and knitting are two completely different things.

I've amended the Ron abduction scenario I forecast upthread. I now think he'll abduct Henwee and Gideon and drive for the nearest cliff, although he may well have a seizure en route and crash. Their rescuer will, depressingly, be George, who will use it as moral blackmail over his own and the Home Farm family for ever.