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Spoilers - RnRN accepts (and recaps) Amex so you don't have to!

192 replies

RocknRollNerd · 03/07/2013 08:22

As requested by someone on the Lillian thread herewith a recap of yesterday's Amex:

We start off a presumably swish (but not in the Jennifer sense) Montenegrin hotel one bright sunny morning. Possibly Monday or Tuesday as there are references throughout to TigerLily coming home tomorrow (ie Wednesday in Borsetshire). Tiger is up for some early morning snuggles but Lil continues to work her Princess Di being interviewed by Martin Bashir sad-face voice and rebuffs him. Excuses offered include the fact she's no longer 21 and it's early in the morning. Matt harrumphs (hopefully not a metaphor) and Lil excuses herself to the bathroom.

Some discussion a bit later on as to plans for the day, Tiger bitching and whining about Lil's mood, Lil PrincessDi-s that she's sorry, isn't really up for anything etc. They agree on shopping in town to buy souvenirs for myriad posh (ie not married in via a Blacksmith) Archers. All listeners twitch slightly in anticipation of convincing 'we're actually on location as it's Summertime in Amex' accents.

But no! We find out that Lil has bought Peggy some Pomegranate stuff (she hopes Peggy likes it, which lets face it is unlikely unless it can be used to poison Kiera, feed to the cats or bake into some scones) and Jennifer will just have to settle for 'a purse' as Lil has lost her shopping Mojo.

Tiger wheedles that he wants to buy Lil some jewellery and we finally get our Borsetshire Casting Central (TM) accent from a shopkeeper - he could be supposed to be Montenegrin, he might have been already cast when this plot was supposed to take place in Turkey or he may in fact just have learned his accent whilst watching that Doctor Who episode set on a Russian Submarine...it's really very hard to tell. Matt proves he's losing his business mojo by getting a mere 50 Euro off a 600 Euro necklace. Shopkeepervich throws in some extra irony for free about how the necklace must be bought so Matt can keep his beautiful wife

Cut to plot exposition scene set in a church just in case anyone happens to listen to Amex and not the Archers (FFS!). Lil is interrupted by a British lady (who I swear sounds like Anita Dobson when she's reminding us she's not just Aaaaaaannnnnnggggge and is a proper fox-bothering actress and everything - sadly however it isn't Celia turning all Single White Female). British Lady has a Montenegrin son-in-law and SHOCK! Horror! Montenegrin grand-children. Lil cranks up the PrincessDi-ing and explains that she lost someone very close to her who she loved, can't see how she can go on, can't talk about it etc.

Matt is cross and phoning Lil as he can't find her but gets voicemail...Lil eventually appears from the church and Matt clocks she's been crying. He suggests lunch, Lil declines and Matt strops off.

Cut back to the hotel with very little time left of the pod-cast so Matt is forced to engineer The. Big. Denoument. They bicker about why Lil is unhappy, she plays the 'I stuck by you when you were in jail card' and PD's about how it's all about Matt never about her....Matt keeps manouevering and asks her to just be honest with him....Lil tries to be dodge it but there's no escaping it, with mere seconds to go Matt drops the bombshell: he knows she was screwing his brother, he knows she was seeing Paul!

jingley jangley music and that's it until Thursday folks!

OP posts:
HerbertGistcool · 04/08/2013 09:04

chopsticks???

RocknRollNerd · 04/08/2013 20:17

iTunes teaser: Matt's hopes are shattered, and Brenda begins to wonder.

Yes even on AmEx there is no escaping Emeli Sande!

Brenda smooching at Dimitri if he has to go, he does but she's not making it easy. Tatyana (who looks like a model) appears - more Russian. She apparently loves to shop and has a nice suit on.

Vladdy asks if Meester Crawford is enjoying his breakfast. Matt skips social niceties and wants to know if BFFV is still in jail. The news is not good, Vladdy contacted the bank where the money was deposited and 'eets not there' - it was withdrawn the day it was deposited...or possibly the day after, I can't be arsed to skip back and I don't think the timeline will be crucial. Vladdy has a statement showing the money was withdrawn and the account is now closed. Matt reckons that's not possible as he has a receipt. Vladdy checks the receipt, it is a bank receipt but not for cash...for office supplies! Vladdy explains that things in Russia aren't always regulated, things can go wrong and sometimes you just have to walk away.

Tatyana has heard lots about Brenda but Brenda's heard nothing about her. Tatyana asks if Dimitri's played Bren a Rachmaninov concerto, apparently he only does it when he's very smitten. Dimitri (who is off getting more drinks) should take her to the Cat Club, Bren points out they've already been, apparently Dimiti and Tatyana used to go all the time.

XBFFVitaly comes back to wherever Vladdy and Matt are breakfasting, he stinks and looks a mess according to Vladdy (whose real name is Leonid we have learned). XBFFV is clearly rattled - he had to move the money at short notice to seal the deal. Matt shouts, sounds of fighting, it appears XBBFV has come off worst, Vladdy isn't bothered he has wanted to do the same himself for some time.

Dimitri is arranging for Tatyana to take Brenda shopping. Brenda snarks at how close Dimitri and Tatyana seem. Tatyana says they haven't always and then asks Brenda if she gets on with her brothers and sisters. The roubles begin to drop for Bren.

A bad man took XBFFV to his hotel room and forced him to give him the money it seems, XBFFV says they have to write the deal off, they threatened him and they can't stand in their way.

Shopping scenes. Tatyana is trying on a chincilla jacket and it makes her look like Beyonce! Brenda snarks about fur, Tatyana reasonably points out that she's clearly never lived in a cold country. Brenda tries on a farmed mink coat (which apparently is ok), she loves it!

Vladdy is ranting at XBFFV, he's cross at him getting involved with such people and Vladdy has done so much for him. XBFFV whinges that this was HIS deal and he wanted to do something without Vladdy's contacts. Vladdy basically washes his hands of it and leaves XBFFV to Matt...Matt now awash with 20:20 hindsight observes he should have gone into business with Vladdy instead... XBFFV continues putting 5 year olds the world over to shame by saying Vladdy wouldn't be interested in Matt with his small amounts of money. Vladdy chunters that XBFFV should listen instead of speak, he acts when he should think.

Back at the lovenest - Tatyana and Bren are now big mates. Tatyana excuses herself and then talks Russian to Dimitri. Once she's gone Dimitri produces champagne to celebrate Bren staying 'in the motherland' rather than going to boring old Ambridge. Bren points out that she's not yet decided. Dimitri asks her to fetch a tea-towel as he was carrying the champagne on a plot device bike and it might explode. Bren opens a drawer and finds...a diamond! Dimitri tells her to put it away back in the box. He thinks it must belong to the owner of the lovenest.

Vladdy is explaining to 'dear Matt' that he doesn't seem to understand. Putting it plainly, what happened to XBFFV was a warning and Matt should not try to get it back. Matt says he can't go back without the money, Vladdy counsels that this is a bad idea and he's booked Matt a flight home. Matt should take the loss and take the flight.

Even the jingle jangles seem a little sombre...

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RocknRollNerd · 05/08/2013 20:27

Thursday 1 August: iTunes teaser: Matt's on the way back home, and Brenda wonders if Dimitry is all he seems.

RnRN: feck I've been spelling Dimitry wrong all this time...transliteration can be such a bugger! Presumably Matt has to slum it on a standard plane and not the private jetski this time.

Sounds of zipping - could be Bren getting smoochy could be Matt packing... 'tis Matt, Bren phones him and he's decided he's going home to Ambridge, he asks to meet Bren to say goodbye. Awww.

XBFFV knocks on Matt's door, Matt is snippy with him and XBFFV is grateful Matt is not 'persecuting' [sic] him. To show his gratitude he is going to take Matt to the airport. Vladdy is busy on site somewhere.

Dimitry asks Bren to stay with him for the whole Summer, he slags Ambridge and her provincial little life off and is offering a trip to his parents place in Georgia (does he not have a place of his own). He doesn't want her to go and can't let her go. Matt arrives to say dosvadanya, Bren tells him she's staying with Dimitri. Matt wants to go try his new bankcard which Lillian has apparently sent through, Matt is feeling humiliated and licking his wounds (not a metaphor we hope) he's been played and wanted to go back to Lil with his head held high. He goes a bit paternal on Bren about if she's sure about Dimitri, are those great clanking bells of irony we can hear in the background...Matt confirms it by saying she's a better judge of character than he is so I think we can safely say Dimitri is going to end up not being all Bren thinks he is. The cash machine comes through and there is much relief from Matt.

Matt mockneys that he's angry and the last time he felt like this, the outcome weren't good, they had an 'eart attack but maybe in some indirect way, he...you know... Bren tells him to stop it and delivers a prissy little lecture about how it will all be alright and people have to change. Bren has to go, she has an appointment and XBFFV arrives with the car. Matt's parting shot is asking Bren to look after herself as he doesn't want Mike coming after him with a pitchfork.

Tatyana russianing, possibly on the phone....Bren enters, apparently when she told the office staff she was a friend of Tatyana they practically rolled out the red carpet. Tatyana suggests they talk in the boss' office as the phone keeps ringing. The office is palatial but the boss isn't there 'he's on site today' and apparently in construction....

Bren wants to talk to Tatyana about her job, Dimitry couldn't explain what she does very well and Bren is interested and looking for new openings. Tatyana is a kind of personal assistant and has a lot of travel and responsibility, the job needs discretion. Bren has realised she's stuck in a rut and then asks about Dimitry and how different he and Tatyana are. Bren mentions the Georgia plan and how she doesn't know how Dimitry will get the time off from 'Usdek'. Tatyana sounds confused at this name, so Bren helpfully clarifies it's where he works. Tatyana suddenly remembers that of course he works there. Bren's spidey sense tingles a bit and she comments on given how close they are Tatyana can be a bit vague about her brother sometimes. Tatyana makes excuses and Bren departs. Tatyana russians on the phone to someone about Brrreeeendaaaa.

In the car to the airport. XBFFV is recounting when the big boys came and took the money, they counted the money and gave him a contract to sign. Matt flips out and starts shouting that XBFFV has the contract on him. The scuffle slightly which is a bit hairy as XBFFV is seemingly cut off from Flunkski and is driving them himself.

Bren is at an office and asking a receptionist to contact Dimitri 'he's one of their junior architects'. He's not, both the junior architects (presumably at Usdek) are women.

Matt has calmed down and is looking at the contract (presumably in Cyrillic) he admits XBFFV is right and it won't help him get his money back. He asks about the guy whose name is at the bottom Nikolai Babari - he's the guy who XBFFV reminds Matt has disappeared, he says Matt is doing the safest thing. They arrive at the airport and there is a brief, not-at-all-touching farewell with Matt refusing to shake XBFFV's hand. The car drives off and Matt immediately hails a taxi to St Petersburg...because hailing a cab worked so well for him last time in Russia....

The jingle jangles drown out the sound of the listeners shouting 'you idiot Matt' and realising this is how they are going to stretch it out over even more episodes...

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BoreOfWhabylon · 05/08/2013 21:01

Thank you once again, RnRN Confess am a bit baffled by tortuous plotline - perhaps a Venn Diagram would help? Thank god I don't have to listen to it all!

Am thinking that the brother and sister are not really siblings at all. And when will Ambridge book a charabanc to head off to rescue Bren and Matt?

RocknRollNerd · 05/08/2013 21:35

Grin at the Venn diagram suggestion (and also at Pseudo's joke). I can barely keep up with AmEx never mind dusting off set theory.

In a nutshell who/what we know:

XBFFVitaly - hopeless, may or may not have contractually screwed Matt over, or perhaps he just gave in to threats of armed violence.

Vladdy - I suspect Tatyana's boss, despairs of XBBFV and seemed to be terribly concerned for Matt but not enough to make good his losses. If he is Tatyana's boss then business is clearly booming.

Tatyana - mysterious job, possibly just a PA but I suspect much more than that. Also travels abroad (at the same time XBFFV does) seemingly to acquire artwork for her boss.

Dimitry - purported kid brother of Tatyana. Does not work at Usdek, may or may not even be an architect but is presumably genuinely good at piano playing. Possibly homeless given his propensity for staying in other people's places.

Owner of flat Dimitry is staying in keeps diamonds in the kitchen drawers.

Our intrepid Ambridge heroes: Matt - plotting revenge and heading back to St Petersburg to get his money back from Nikoloai-the-contract-signer ('contract' possibly in a Mafia sense?). Bren - finally seeing life beyond Ambridge and considering spending the Summer shagging Dimitry.

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Panzee · 06/08/2013 14:56

Last week's Amex omnibus landed on my iPod so I thought I'd give it a go. I quite enjoyed it. I think it was because Matt was in it, I like Matt. And I was hopeful that Brenda might disappear into the Baltic. But I didn't really follow what was going on, although it sounded rather jolly and faster paced than Archers Classic.

Somethingyesterday · 06/08/2013 15:32

......faster paced?

Not sure about that. It's more superficial. They have thankfully improved it since the dreadful "en route to Edinburgh" ages. But today was disappointing. One shocking moment (poor Matt) but then the rest was just time filling - nothing actually happened. And if Brenda started a thread about a new boyfriend whose background was a mystery and who never ever wanted to get involved with her life or friends, people would be saying LTB.

RnRN - you have been doing sterling work. Are you longing for it all to be over? I had assumed that the next episode would be the last - but there are still two characters who have yet to appear!

Lomaamina · 07/08/2013 21:24

Ingenious summaries RnRn! I only just discovered this thread and I've been listening avidly, understanding around 60% due to the long segues into Russian, but your recaps are great fun, although sadly I still cannot fathom what the relationship between Tatiana, Dimitri and the baddies is likely to be.

Is anyone else wondering if the Russian ambassador has been doorstepping BBC Radio 4 demanding that they set the record straight about their magnificent country, given that Ambridge Extra is depicting it as full of mafioso, corruption, doing-down-the-peasants-but-what-else-is-new-in-Russian-history and general lack of taste (other than the OTT tourist board tour of St Pete we got at the start)?

mummytime · 08/08/2013 10:35

On the Archers website it lists the latest ArchersExtra as 11 of 20!

Somethingyesterday · 08/08/2013 11:13

mummytime Oh good lord! I've just noticed that. Twenty episodes. Are they serious? I've already had more than enough.

This really begins to look as if TA is being completely shunted over to 4 Extra.

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 08/08/2013 11:49

20 episodes?
Brenda calling Dmitri "Deema" is really getting on my nerves now

Panzee · 08/08/2013 17:33

20 episodes? Oh I've lost interest now. I was really hoping that would be it. Matt goes home, Brenda disappears. Weird music. Back to Radio 4, all's well with the world. Please?

RocknRollNerd · 09/08/2013 06:18

20 episodes Shock

By my reckoning then we've got this week (recaps over the weekend if not today hopefully) and then 2 more weeks of this and then we'll have 2 weeks of shit 'filler' late Summer holiday bollocks with Jamie and Daniel in America, a bit like that trip to Scotland one.

Olivia - can I have the gin you're not drinking please, think I'll need it!

...and yes the 'Deema' is irritating me (hence refusing to acknowledge it in the recaps!).

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RocknRollNerd · 09/08/2013 16:33

Tuesday 6 August - iTunes reveals feck all - Matt's still in St Petersburg and Lillian's getting worried....so presumably we're in for lots of 'on the phone' microphone effects.

And sure enough! Tiger on the phone to Pusscat thanking her for sorting the cards out. Puss is checking he's ok as its his birthday tomorrow, she's worried about him. He blusters that the deal is going well, Lil is back on Princess Di mode and then Matt tries to hustle her off as he's got to meet Bren. Lil switches from PD to Shrillian mode and berates him about swanning about and a high old time and Matt says it's not Bren's fault. Lil switches back to PD mode about how she supposes she has to trust him, Matt passive-agressives back that it's not much to ask. Matt rants, hangs up and bursts into tears!

Dimitri is not happy Matt has come back, Bren realises he's not telling her something. He explains the girl at the company must have got confused, maybe a language problem, of course he works there. Bren of course believes him because let's face it we've got to stretch this out over another few weeks. Deeeema is still worrying about keeping Brenda safe as Matt/XBFV are involved with dangerous people. He will give Matt the info and then they walk away. Bren is not to get involved, thus proving her magnetism to control freaks holds good outside of Borsetshire.

Dimitri and Matt are frosty with each other but apparently Dimitri has an address for the guy (Nikolai Babari) that XBFFV gave the money to. Matt is gob-smacked as to how he managed it. Nikolai-the-bad-guy is at an office not far from where they are. Dimitri tells Matt he must be careful and goes off to buy drinks. Bren asks Matt to show Dimitri the contract but Matt's having none of it, presumably hanging on for a passing unicorn to translate it. Matt is off to check this lead out; Bren frets that Dimitri took some pursuading to hand over the address and Matt goes off exhorted by Dimitri to get out of there quickly.

Bren suggests they follow him, Dimitri is not happy.

Matt is knocking on a door, and seemingly knocking things over. A scared sounding Slavic lady asks who he is, what's going on. Matt asks if she works there and if they've been burgled. Slavic lady says she just tidies and starts shouting in Russian. Matt asks who trashed the computers. Scared Russian shouting including the words Nikolai. Matt explains he's an English business man working with Vitaly Kitroff, he shows her the contract. The lady is very teary and tells him he must leave. Matt threatens to call the police, the lady says the last time she saw him he was going to the site where the factory will be built but this really is all she knows.

Bren and Dimitri meet Matt as he comes out of the office, he recounts what he learned and Matt is off to the factory site which is about an hour and a half away. Bren pleads with Dimitri that they need to go with him. Dimitri relents and takes them all in his car.

Wherever they are is bleak, Bren can't believe people live there. Bren is to stay in the car with the doors locked while Matt does the 'shouting English loudly thing' to random passers-by to find Nikolai. A passing old chap (who Dimitri says is on drugs) is interrogated by Dimitri, the druggie is also a farmer, but people burned down his barn. The police do nothing and intimidate the villagers. The land is worth a fortune but the people's lives are not and it's easier to scare them. The farmer is 76 and unhappy at foreigners buying the land up. Matt and Bren explain they aren't that sort of foreigner and they're trying to help him.

The farmer says Stalin would have dealt with this, he looked after the people but now nobody cares. Bren spots a black 4x4 and Dimitri suggests they get back to the car quickly. Matt blusters that they're not finished and Dimitri says they are 'eets time to leave'.

Jingle jangle, da da daaaaaaah

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RocknRollNerd · 09/08/2013 17:00

Thursday 8 August - iTunes: Matt takes a step too far and Brenda's seriously frightened. As opposed to the amusingly frightened?

Previously on From Russia with Thugs our intrepid heroes plus Dimitri man of no fixed abode or discernible source of income were dashing back to the car as a black 4x4 loomed on the horizon in some bleak but valuable part of Russia 90 mins outside of St Petersburg....place your bets as to when and where the action picks up....

Sounds of a bar, Bren is wishing Matt Happy Birthday, she's bought him a cigar. It must be Wednesday. Matt still wants to go after Nikolai-the-baddie but Bren isn't happy. At least she wants Dimitri to see the contract before he does anything else. As if by magic or just the miracle of scriptwriting Dimitri appears having been buying more drinks [how does he fund them?]. Matt agrees to show him the contract but not in the bar, in his room.

The TV is on, Matt doesn't recall leaving it on. Clearly he's been having to grill his own sausage as Bren catches sight of the screen and goes 'ewww'. Matt is outraged, he doesn't watch this stuff, he really doesn't. Bren is unflapped and says it's ok, he doesn't have to explain and I'm curiously side-tracked wondering if there is a file in the sound engineer's archive labelled 'Eastern European Porn' or do they just download some and rip their own soundfile. Matt is obsessed with pointing out he hadn't left the telly on. He says it must be the cleaner Dimitri points out why would a cleaner be watching porn.

There is a knock at the door. No-one is expected, Dimitri advises checking the peephole, there's no-one there, just a bottle of champagne with a note saying 'Happy Birthday'. Dimitri queries if the note is in English, clearly he also feels AmEx is dragging on so long that Matt has had enough time to learn Russian and read Cyrillic. He gets cross and insists Matt shuts the door. Dimitri says he doesn't know who it's from but they want them to know they're watching them. Nobody has a better explanation and Bren decides she feels sick. Dimitri says it's a warning to stop looking for Nikolai-the-baddie. Bren asks what they're going to do and Dimitri tells her she's getting on a plane straight back to England.

Piano music, they're back at the posh-squat. Bren is packed and starts to cry. She doesn't want to go but she's terrified as well. She had been having such a wonderful time with Deeema she never imagined it could be so ugly. Deeema promises to visit, presumably when he's short of a place to stay.

Matt calls Bren, he thanks her for sticking by him. Bren gets him to promise he won't do anything stupid and he asks her not to mention any of it to Lillian. Bren isn't happy and Dimitri gets the phone off him and tells him not to do anything until Dimitri gets back - Matt is NOT to go back to the office and is to stay at the hotel until he gets back. Bren panics that she can't go back to Ambridge, what if she lies to Lil and something happens to Matt.

...which is highly likely as he's back at the office, menacing the cleaner/secretary. He wants to know about her boss. She tells him everything in the office has gone and so has Nikolai.

At the airport Dimitri is arranging for Bren to stay with Zak who is a great guy and has a beautiful flat in Malmo where Bren can stay as long as she wants and there's no chance of her running into Lilian...although with the current plot lines pretty much anything seems to be possible. The smooch a bit and Bren leaves. Once she's gone Nikolai says 'dosvadanya, until we meet again Brenda Tucker'.

Matt is still menacing the cleaning secretary they're on the tram. He can't stop until he gets his money back. Nikolai has gone to the south and disappeared. Matt wants to know who told her to close the office but she can't say as 'then they'll know'. Matt demands to know who, he has to know, it's his life and he has to get his money back. Cleaning sec. is scared and Matt asks her to give him anything, she has something but Matt must promise never to see her again.

It's something Nikolai-the-baddie left in the offfice, she took it to give back to him but N-t-b never came back, it's the only thing not destroyed. She gives it to Matt and she makes it clear he must now bugger off.

Matt shows Dimitri what he got, it's N-t-b's phone. Dimitri is really scared/cross and hustles Matt inside somewhere echoey (later revealed to be a toilet). Dimitri is really cross and wants the phone. They need to get rid of it and certainly not turn it on (the battery is flat). Dimitri loses his rag and is seems to be waterboarding Matt who gives him the phone. Dimitri wants to know what Matt was going to show them earlier on when they were in his room but Matt's not playing. Dimitri realises that now he doesn't have to be nice to Matt as Brenda's not around tells Matt that he's on his own but he's warning him, he'd better watch his back.

Don't you think that the jingle jangles would make great music for Cossack dancers?

Dosvadanya until next week comrades!

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RocknRollNerd · 09/08/2013 17:03

Gah! Sorry for all the typos. Hopefully you get the gist...

Also if any AmEx scriptwriters are reading, please give the characters names, or at least some characteristic I can make a bad joke about...would it have killed you to give me something better to work with than Cleaning Secretary!

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BoreOfWhabylon · 10/08/2013 01:00

Superb, as always, RnRN

Have a well-deserved Wine

HerbertGistcool · 11/08/2013 21:03

Thanks RnR . Saved me the pain again!

Somethingyesterday · 13/08/2013 15:15

Dreadful. An absolute masterclass in stringing things out. One hazy piece of info per episode now. This is far too long.

Somethingyesterday · 13/08/2013 15:16

Oh! I meant the broadcasts. Not the excellent summaries here! Smile

PseudoBadger · 16/08/2013 09:17

Ok so this guy who Matt has met in London must be the Russian guy right? I foresee Brenda and/or Lillian being kidnapped or in some form of mortal peril...

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 16/08/2013 18:03

ooh do you think? Robin someone?
V smooth in the city
I cannot BELIEVE how naive Matt is being about all of this...
He's bin inside ffs

Gigondas · 17/08/2013 13:16

He seems to have forgotten all that olivia. Lilian also seems to have amnesia after all their relationship angst (not that I am sorry that we don't relive the mewing when Paul died).

Somethingyesterday · 22/08/2013 14:26

Listening to Thursday. This looks evil. I think they may be actually using the fact that poor Bren and Matt can't speak Russian.... Evil....

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/08/2013 14:34

Brenlove - sancerre is generally served cold, you don't have to request that Wink

And now her and fagash are besties - honestly, have they got the summer interns writing these episodes? Although I suspect fagash will be the one who figures it all out and saves the day.