Late October Thread - 4

[DressingGown87]

Thread 4 ladies!

Girls: @DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 (twins) @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87

Boys: @sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790

Suprise / Waiting: @60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @UpsyDaisy1234 (twins) @Glooorb @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @Sls668 @SJR86 @Flora20 @SamK93

If I have missed you! Sorry!

@FirstSurprise001 it's £151.20 a week, so it's about £600 but then i think the website does it pro rata in longer months and then there's a tax refund which I don't believe will work in the way it suggests ( i m going to change my tax code so DH gets marriage allowance when SMP starts so i m ignoring the tax refund bit anyway).

I think if you tick it, it will include the £80 or so from child benefit as well so that almost gets to £800 with the tax refund bit.

@FirstSurprise001 I used that calculator a few months ago and it seemed fairly accurate. SMP is £151.20 so more than your boss said but wouldn’t be £800 as tax, NI, pension etc still get deducted. www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/pay

I’m planning to take the full year. I’m fortunate to receive enhanced maternity pay for the first 6 months so it will only be 3 months smp and 3 months unpaid to take the full year. After our wedding last year I kept my monthly wedding saving fund and turned it into maternity savings so I feel financially prepared. Unexpectedly saving 6 months of weekly tube travel will help too!

@1990shopefulftm @watersintheclouds that makes a lot more sense thank you! I was looking at the tax refund part and thinking, surely that’s not right 😂 we’ve luckily managed to save enough to cover my half of the bills for the 9 months I’m taking so the SMP will just go on baby and fuel. Am I being naive in thinking I won’t be spread that thinly?

@FirstSurprise001 sounds like a great place to be in :)

@GhostWorld You can take Shared Parental Leave in different blocks or even simultaneously if you want to (I know people who've used it to take a month or two to visit family abroad). It's really flexible. We're just splitting it up me first then DH because it makes most financial sense with the enhanced mat pay I'll get from my job. DH still gets two weeks paternity at the beginning.

Heard bad things from friends about HR teams not understanding how SPL works. I guess it's still fairly unusual. So worth reading up on the rules first. I think it will be really nice for DH to have some one on one time with the baby.

@FirstSurprise001 it was one on Wednesday and one last night. Just tiny bit and clear but wow! Both times when I was a bit happy emotional, so think it's linked.

SMP IS SO LOW!!! I'll be on full pay for 4 months, half for 2 then SMP for four as I'm taking 10 months then adding a huge chunk of accumulated and carried over annual leave, making a week or so short of a year off. I'm happy we've saved enough to cover my half of the bills for those four months and now just putting money away for lunches / coffees / day trips out with baby during mat leave 😍

Sorry what I was getting at is why isn't SMP higher!? Shows how little we're valued for caring for our tiny babies.

I agree SMP is ridiculous. I’ve been trying to balance the sums for months. I won’t have a DP income, or get any maintenance of the F. I should be eligible for UC, but because I own a second home (which my ex and sc live in, with his new misses, and I had to sign an agreement to say I couldn’t force the sale of the home for 5 yrs as it was bought from his deceased family member!!) I don’t get any money for that home or him! 🤬. I’m taking 11 months off, due to not wanting her in FT nursery so young, which is going to be a huge struggle. Living off savings for the forseable. Today I’ve filed my tax return so I can see what dint that makes 😔

Hope everyone is doing ok?

Back and hips seem to be getting worse, DH looks a bit worried whenever I wince a bit with the pain but we ve talked over why I don't want to take anything for the pain and he completely understands.

He's making a lovely sausage and mash dinner for us now, one of my favourite comfort foods.

@1990shopefulftm are you having physio for your back and hips? I started mine 3 weeks ago for my coccyx and it’s doing NOTHING. In agony with it today so feeling your pain. Hope the sausage and mash helped a little! We opted for Chinese as I can hardly walk let alone cook

@FirstSurprise001 no I haven't arranged physio yet, my health plan allowance had run out for the year but it will be refreshed this month.

I had a pre-existing knee problem but physio sorted it. However, pregnancy makes it seem like it's going back to how it was again, it's just deciding whether to get physio now or get it once baby is born and I know if the issue is purely pregnancy related or not as I can only afford 3 sessions a year.

Hope you enjoyed the Chinese and the pain gets easier :)

@1990shopefulftm @FirstSurprise001 hope the pain eases up for you both. Have you tried acupuncture? I’ve booked in for 2weeks, as it use to help me before pregnancy. Enjoy the sausage and mash, and chinese! I’ve just had chinese (again) 🤦🏽‍♀️

Any one have / shooting pains bottom of back / right at top of R butt cheek? Just started now.

@DressingGown87 oh my gosh what the actual hell? You bought a house and he lives in it, pays you nothing and he won't pay maintenance...?!?

@Clalou83 I have exactly this. Really right bottom of my right back as it meets my arse. Proper painful twinges when doing yoga etc.

Right at the bottom *

My twinges seem to be under the boob.

@roarfeckingroar yes, we bought it off his family when his DG passed away. Renovated it, just about to move in, I signed an agreement so we couldn’t sell within 5 years and then I uncovered his affair. As soon as the 5 years is up I will sell or he has to pay me the 65% of my ownership. He is not the F, hes someone I was dating, but turns out he has a partner. 🙈 #datingdisaster

@roarfeckingroar I did pregnancy yoga this morning then been busy in kitchen all day as partner has decorated I've been sorted cupboards out maybe done too much. I have a massage ball guna get my partner to give me a little massage. X

Those of you ladies who started using kick counter apps, do you find them useful?

I tried using a kick counter that already comes with my pregnancy app I use to track weight etc, and it only allows you to record how long it takes to reach 10 kicks when the baby is at its most active. Not sure how useful this is. Are other apps different?

I'm sorry ladies but I need to rant! A friend of mine has been in hospital since Thursday, FTM they had to induce her due to some complications, since then they've induced her twice as it didn't work the first time, gave her a sweep and just broke her waters a couple of hours ago. Been on her own since since thursday, partner not allowed in with her until established labour and she is in pieces!! She just wants to be able to have him there for support, she's 3cm waters have been broken but because it's so slow at the moment he's not allowed to see her. She feels so lonely and it must be horrible especially as she's a ftm. I'm sorry but we can go to pubs, restaurants, cinemas, get married and everything else but not allowed to have someone with us in hospital?! Even if they're from the same household no symptoms etc. What rubbish is this?!

@SamK93 that's absolutely awful, I hope she's progressed more overnight as 3 days alone in hospital sounds horrible for her.

Having one person with a mask on and perhaps if they had a chair set up so her partner could sleep there and then not be allowed to leave feels much less of a risk to someone than all the people going to pubs which is not essential whatsoever whereas doing something to support a mums mental health in labour is essential.

I m trying to stay hopeful that not everyone is going out to non essential places and not following social distancing and things will get better when it's our turn in October but it's difficult.

@SamK93 hope your friend is ok, and they’ve let her partner in for support. It must be so tough, being alone for so long.

I agree it’s about time ALL trusts start letting people have someone with them, as it seems some trusts allow this, and other don’t. Especially with pubs, hairdressers. I don’t see where the common sense is that you drink with your friends in a pub, eat out, but not be there for your partner when they give birth!

@Mc3209 I use time for baby, as this one records sessions, doesn’t matter how many kicks. I’ve tried to use it a bit to help focus on movements. But trying not to put to much pressure on a routine yet as that comes later, it would just cause me anxiety.

@SamK93 oh my god what an awful situation, fills me with dread! I'm really really hoping things have improved by Oct!

Hi ladies, just an update on my friend. Her labour wouldn't progress, her body just wasn't responding to anything. They were worried about the baby's wellbeing so they delivered the baby via c section 1am this morning. She had a healthy little baby girl. She is absolutely exhausted to say the least, it was a very traumatic 4 days for her!

Hope everyone else is doing well.

@SamK93 that’s such good news! I’m glad she’s finally able to start enjoying her little one after such a long few days!

Fingers crossed all of this is a thing of the past once it’s our turn!

In other news - after 3 months - my sofa finally got delivered today!!! I actually nearly cried at the delivery men!