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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Horrible experience today

129 replies

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:06

Hello all, I'm potty training my 2 year old and have a 16 month old baby, and today had a day off work so thought I'd treat us to a nice lunch out in House of Fraser cafe in the mall in Sutton Coldfield. During lunch of course the 2 year old wanted a wee, so I got the travel pot out and put it between the pushchair and table so nobody could really see, the little one was still having lunch and there is no way my little girl could hold it long enough to pack everything up, go in a lift to the floor where the toilet is, queue etc.

Anyway she was just finishing when the manageress of the cafe came up and said that 'people were complaining' about the little girl being on the potty and that there were facilities downstairs. I explained that she couldn't wait to go downstairs and that I had the other one eating dinner!! So said 'yes, but it is a restaurant' - would the silly woman rather my little girl weed on the floor?? Or in the highchair?? And also, it would be impossible to even see her unless you were craning your neck, she is obviously tiny, was on the floor being hidden by the pushchair, and we weren't even sitting near anyone.

It turned out that the people who were complaining were a table of nasty old people, because one of them came up to have a go at me and tell me that 'there are facilities' - to which I replied she is being potty trained and can't wait, you nasty, mean piece of work.' to which she didn't really have a reply.

I can't believe that people can be so petty and spiteful. And I'm disgusted at the manageress for upholding such a stupid nasty complaint. Its really upset me to be attacked like that, its hard enough with 2 under 3 anyway without being subjected to abuse when I'm out. I'm sitting here crying.

OP posts:

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LIZS · 19/08/2013 17:13

sorry but I'm with the manageress here . Potty training and peeing in cafes, however discreet it seems to you, doesn't mix with other users. Frankly it is less than hygenic ! HOF are being unreasonable not to have toilets nearer the cafe but tbh you were probably a bit ambitious to think your 2yo could manage a lunch. If you wanted to go out take a picnic or choose somewhere with better facilities.

SpottyTeacakes · 19/08/2013 17:14

I wouldn't have let dd wee in a potty in a restaurant. Yabu.

mynameisslimshady · 19/08/2013 17:15

To be totally honest I think you were in the wrong.

You could have taken her before you went to the cafe, you could have asked the staff to keep an eye on your stuff for a moment while you took the kids to the toilet. A cafe isn't an appropriate place to whip out a potty.

There was absolutely no need for you to be rude to someone who didn't want to eat their dinner beside a child on a potty.

Jovellanos · 19/08/2013 17:17

Wow. 'Nasty old people'?

That'd be me, then. Because I'd complain about someone pissing in a cafe too.

ZolaBuddleia · 19/08/2013 17:19

Yep, another one who wouldn't dream of letting my child go to the toilet in a cafe. I can appreciate it's tough with two kids so close in age, but surely the answer is either don't go until she's potty trained, or bundle up both kids and run to the loo asking other shoppers to look after your stuff.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 19/08/2013 17:20

However you dress it up I'm afraid it was still someone going to the toilet in a restaurant. And people do not want to eat near that. I get your reasoning but I don't think you should have done it. And you certainly shouldn't have been rude to people when they complained. If nothing else it drags you down to their level.

Slainte · 19/08/2013 17:21

YABU, it's a restaurant not where you want to see or smell anyone weeing.

CPtart · 19/08/2013 17:21

Yabu. Where did you empty the potty? I presume it was carried to the toilets through the restaurant?? Yuk, and I'm a nurse!

domesticvoyager · 19/08/2013 17:22

I think travel potties are of very little use - the potty training phase is about teaching them to wait, not always having a potty to hand.

The HOF cafe was a very ambitious project. Sorry you had a bad day.

Figgygal · 19/08/2013 17:22

You were completely wrong and I'd have complained too sorry!!

BistoBear · 19/08/2013 17:22

I think you were wrong. You should have taken you child to the toilet before lunch. Or you should have had lunch in a more child friendly environment with toileting facilities close by.

And you were unreasonably rude to the other table. They were right to complain, peeing in a restaurant is unacceptable no matter what age you are!

Patilla · 19/08/2013 17:23

I'm afraid I think YAB a little U.

It's a place serving food. I just wouldn't have risked it or would have chosen somewhere closer to the toilets or if desperate used a pull up just for lunch.

I think your response to the lady was a little harsh but I do understand the way a stressful situation can make people snap when they wouldn't otherwise.

surroundedbyblondes · 19/08/2013 17:24

Have to agree with the others on here. When we potty trained our DDs we accepted being confined to the house at the start and built trips up slowly. It's not forever, just a couple of weeks really. Getting a potty out in a cafe is not very hygenic.

Figgygal · 19/08/2013 17:24

Potty training isn't about teaching your daughter to go anywhere how is letting her wee in the middle of a restaurant potty training?

Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 17:25

I think you were wrong (and I have a potty-training 2yo too (non-verbal in my case), so I do sympathise). What you should have done is (a) take her to the loo before you went to the restaurant, and strongly encourage her to have a wee, and (b) if she then needed a/another wee, take your valuables and both DC and take her to the loo. Or (c) only go to cafes where there is a loo closer than that until she's able to hold on for longer. (c) is what I do, to be honest, and then choose a table as close to the facilities as possible.

Portable potties do have their place, but a restaurant or cafe isn't it.

Quaffle · 19/08/2013 17:26

I'm fairly sure that this is a wind up, given the wording but on the off chance it isn't:

I'd be pretty pissed off if I were eating in any sort of food place and some woman was letting her child use it as a toilet.

You should have taken her to the loo BEFORE you went for food.

Your child's bodily fluids are non offensive to you because that's the way mums are programmed to their own offspring. However the rest of the population aren't so enchanted.

Besides, what if she'd tipped it over?

pizzaqueen · 19/08/2013 17:27

I think the staff were right! You can't use a potty in a cafe that's disgusting.

my 2 year old is also very recently potty trained and I wouldn't take him somewhere I wasn't confident he could make it to the loo. Or i would make sure we visit the toilet before sitting down to lunch. Have some consideration for other diners.

I can't believe you actually think that was acceptable. what if she needed a poo!?

Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 17:27

(CPtart, a lot of portable potties have a nappy-like insert that soaks up the wee and can then be removed and tied up in a nappy sack like a nappy, so there generally isn't a potty full of wee to be carried anywhere)

Iamanorangesmartie · 19/08/2013 17:28

I can understand where you are coming from. I had 2 under three and got told off for abandoning my baby in a shopping trolley outside the toilets when supermarket shopping and newly potty training 2 yr old needed a wee in the middle of shopping. What was I supposed to do, a puddle on the shop floor or take a baby who couldn't sit up into a toilet and try to hold her and help a just 2 yr old onto then toilet at the same time. It's really hard isn't it. Now they're 5 and 7 it's obvious what I should have done, but SO hard at the time. Try not to beat yourself up about it; you had to make a quick decision and although maybe slightly the wrong one its what you felt you had to do for the safely of your youngest at the time.

Having come out the other side of having 2 little ones its well worth it as although its the school holidays my 2 just spend all day playing together and are still not bored of each other and I can spend loads of time pottering ad round the house as they don't want me.

Chin up, you're doing just fine, passes a been there done that tissue.

Jovellanos · 19/08/2013 17:29

a lot of portable potties have a nappy-like insert that soaks up the wee and can then be removed and tied up in a nappy sack like a nappy

I am mentally pushing my plate of HoF cake away from me with a sad face.

You don't get this in Waitrose.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 19/08/2013 17:29

Sorry - you created a situation that allowed you to be criticised

DS is only 8 months so have no experience of potty training. However, my DSis has just potty trained her DS. It seemed to involve a week indoors in track suit bottoms with some chocolate buttons involved.

I think you need to stay closer to home whilst tryi g to do this. Also agree re the whipping out of potties. What dies that teach? To pee in a potty at will rather than a nappy?

BlehPukeVomit · 19/08/2013 17:29

Pink01 · 19/08/2013 17:30

Sorry yabu. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing this with either of my children and I remember what a pain potty training is. No one wants to eat their lunch where other people - even a small child - are going to the toilet. It's not a lot different to bf babies not being made to eat their lunch in a toilet......

I'm sorry you had a bad day, it is tough when children are little.

Original poster

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:33

It was a travel pot so it has a liner which ties up and can be carried anywhere. There was nobody anywhere near us so I'm amazed anyone even saw, I had hidden her almost underneath the table and was hiding her with my body. I had put her on the loo before we went to the cafe but it was travel pot or she would have weed on the floor. The person who came up in person to have a go at me had already complained and saw that i was leaving -so why have another go? If she had said it was a poo I would have grabbed everything and rushed to the toilet. But seeing it was a wee and I knew it must be a small one I thought it was actually going to be preferable to her weeing on the floor. There was no question of anyone smelling it, or it going anywhere other than in the liner.

OP posts:

enjoyingscience · 19/08/2013 17:33

YABU. Sorry. You should have taken her before lunch, and if she's so unreliable you can't get her to a loo, pull ups for trips out.

Peeing in a restaurant, even if you have made the effort to hide her, is not nice for others.

Potty training DS involved 5 days in the house. Not the best, but necessary. For a couple of weeks after, any trips were as short as I could humanly make them, and involved a wee before we left, and then every single time we passed a loo during the trip.

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