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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Horrible experience today

129 replies

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:06

Hello all, I'm potty training my 2 year old and have a 16 month old baby, and today had a day off work so thought I'd treat us to a nice lunch out in House of Fraser cafe in the mall in Sutton Coldfield. During lunch of course the 2 year old wanted a wee, so I got the travel pot out and put it between the pushchair and table so nobody could really see, the little one was still having lunch and there is no way my little girl could hold it long enough to pack everything up, go in a lift to the floor where the toilet is, queue etc.

Anyway she was just finishing when the manageress of the cafe came up and said that 'people were complaining' about the little girl being on the potty and that there were facilities downstairs. I explained that she couldn't wait to go downstairs and that I had the other one eating dinner!! So said 'yes, but it is a restaurant' - would the silly woman rather my little girl weed on the floor?? Or in the highchair?? And also, it would be impossible to even see her unless you were craning your neck, she is obviously tiny, was on the floor being hidden by the pushchair, and we weren't even sitting near anyone.

It turned out that the people who were complaining were a table of nasty old people, because one of them came up to have a go at me and tell me that 'there are facilities' - to which I replied she is being potty trained and can't wait, you nasty, mean piece of work.' to which she didn't really have a reply.

I can't believe that people can be so petty and spiteful. And I'm disgusted at the manageress for upholding such a stupid nasty complaint. Its really upset me to be attacked like that, its hard enough with 2 under 3 anyway without being subjected to abuse when I'm out. I'm sitting here crying.

OP posts:

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Floggingmolly · 19/08/2013 17:50

You're determined to feel hard done by, op.

Your bad day started when you let your dd piss in a restaurant, not when you were picked on by a gang of OAP's.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/08/2013 17:54

I've worked in catering. If a little girl had an accident I'd have said do t worry and given what assistance I could to help clear up or make the mum feel better about it happening.

But if someone pulled out a potty then that's different. That's the sacrifice you make when you potty train. You avoid places that don't have near by loos or have suitable areas in which to make a discreet corner style potty dash.

A restaurant or cafe is not the place.

However she could have just said, excuse me please can u not do that in here. Rather than list everyone who had complained.

K8Middleton · 19/08/2013 17:56

Yabu. Skanky behaviour I'm afraid.

BonaDrag · 19/08/2013 17:56

You let your kid piss in a restaurant. There's no need to explain why that is wrong.

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2013 18:00

If she can't hold it in until you get to a toilet then she isn't potty trained and you should either put her back in nappies or stay home with her until she has more control.

I have 2 kids and never once have I even taken a potty out with me never mind used one in a restaurant. Yuck.

Fourbears · 19/08/2013 18:01

Wow, you're all being very mean. Have you never had a rough day with young dcs? I've had more than I can count or care to remember. MN is generally more supportive than this, honestly OP. This just seems to have hit a nerve with everyone. If I had seen you in this situation, while not ideal, I would have seen how you were fixed, the age of your DD and given you a supportive smile. It's so so hard at times, looking after children. You are doing a sterling job! No way could I have coped with two dcs close in age, I have a biiiggg age gap. Have a when you can and chalk it all up to experience. You probably won't have to go through this (exact thing) again. Courage!

Sirzy · 19/08/2013 18:03

People aren't being mean they are being honest, you can't expect people to be softly softly because your pissed off people got annoyed about her daft behaviour!

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2013 18:04

If she's been potty trained for a month as not needed to go suddenly like that for ages why did you have a potty with you???

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2013 18:06

Oh and I'm not being mean btw. I've had many a bad day and am the first to help someone who has a toddler refusing to go in a trolley / hold a baby whilst a mum plays with their toddler / give a supportive smile over a tantrum but pissing in a restaurant is wrong and unreasonable.

maja00 · 19/08/2013 18:07

Firstly - I agree with you that weeing in a travel potty is better than weeing on the restaurant floor

Secondly - if you need to take a travel potty with you then your child isn't toilet trained

Thirdly - when you are toilet training a child, you do need to go to places where there are toilets available. A restaurant with no toilet is not a good idea!

Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 18:11

Most of us have said things like "appreciate it's tough" or "I've been there", Fourbears. But there's a difference between being "supportive" and saying "Yes, you're absolutely right, anyone who complains about a child urinating on a potty in a restaurant is a nasty, mean piece of work, and any member of staff who asks you not to is clearly silly".

One of the best features of MN is that its support isn't all of the "yes, you were quite right in every way" variety. The "actually, I think you were a bit out of order there. What about X, Y or Z?" posts can be far more useful.

"Don't take a child to a cafe where the nearest loo is further away than they could manage if they need a wee" is a good general rule. And we know that precisely because we've had young DC, and bad days, and know how quickly "I need a wee" becomes an "oops!". Looking after children is hard, so why make your life more difficult by taking a potty-training child somewhere that's just not suitable? Take the pressure off instead.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 19/08/2013 18:14

Fourbears I think that nearly everyone who has commented has DC's and knows how hard it can be. However everyone has also said that this was wrong. That says something to me.

specialsubject · 19/08/2013 18:14

there are occasions when you have to realise that some things cannot be done with small children in tow. The children grow and you will be able to do these things again in the future.

you should have done as people suggested, or realised that this scenario is not feasible unless you have another adult with you to mind the baby while you take the older one to the toilet.

lunar1 · 19/08/2013 18:14

The way you speak to people is nasty op. I wouldn't care if if a child had an accident, putting a toilet in a restaurant is really rank.

PiratePanda · 19/08/2013 18:14

We were out about a lot with DS and took a travel potty with us everywhere. Sure, I would have got it out and let him pee outside in a large park, but there's no way in the world I would have let him pee in the travel potty in a restaurant where people are eating!!!

If you take a toilet-training child to a restaurant you HAVE to be prepared to run them to the toilet and risk a wee accident OR keep them in pull ups until they are capable of holding on. It's really not OK for a child to go to the potty in a room where people are eating.

I'm sorry you feel upset and had a hard day.

somewheresomehow · 19/08/2013 18:16

i agree with maja00 why go somewhere without access to a loo, potties are for home use not for carting round shops.

PeriodMath · 19/08/2013 18:19

I love how you've thanked the one poster on the virtually unanimous thread who hasn't called you a skank!

It's a discussion forum OP, not somewhere to vent and have everyone agree with you no matter what.

What you did was wrong and gross. Can't you see that from the responses on here? Just learn something from it and don't do it again. Potty training is a hassle and you have to curb your activities until your DD has cracked it I'm afraid.

Btw, the "nasty, old people" have probably raised a few children between them and know better than you that what you did was just anti-social and disgusting. I'm not old and would have thought the same.

FannyFifer · 19/08/2013 18:21

Peeing in a potty in a restaurant is totally unacceptable.

What if she had done a poo?
Not the first time one of my children has sat down for a wee & had to do a poo as well.

It's really not appropriate.

Rowanred · 19/08/2013 18:21

A potty is something that should never be in a restaurant. Under any circumstances. You could have discretely put a nappy on her if you couldn't leave to take her to the toilet. Weeing in an eating place is just vile!

NettoSuperstar · 19/08/2013 18:22

Grim, grim, grim.
You do not let kids pee in a restaurant.
If they can't hold it for 5 minutes, don't take them far from a toilet.

My DD was 3 and 8 months before she was out of nappies, later than her peers, but the only one who didn't have accidents, and who could hold it for a bit so we could go to a loo.
Portable potties are rank.

maja00 · 19/08/2013 18:24

My DS is 3 now and has been out of nappies for nearly a year, but I still wouldn't take him to a restaurant that doesn't have a toilet, or no toilet on the same floor - that's just asking for trouble.

Rowanred · 19/08/2013 18:24

Yeah - what is a portable potty?! I don't use pottys - I train dc straight to the toilet but carrying one around in your buggy?! ewww!

Madamecastafiore · 19/08/2013 18:27

I bet you would refuse to breastfed in the loo!!

How on earth do you think it acceptable to use the potty in a restaurant?

ChasedByBees · 19/08/2013 18:30

Gross. Sorry but that is disgusting. You also verbally abused some elderly people who unsurprisingly didn't want to see/smell piss while eating. I'm finding it hard to sympathise.

MistyB · 19/08/2013 18:30

Your perspective on this is from a Mum of two very small children. You are very close to their every movement and have no distance from their intimate discharges. You are in the intense period of potty training where you talk about it openly and encourage your DD not to have any shame / dirty feelings about herself.

The restaurant worker's perspective is from someone who will have studies, sat and passed hygiene exams, is trained to wash her hands in eight steps every time she goes to the toilet and before she touches food. Her job is at risk and the restaurant could be fined and closed if hygiene rules and regulations are breached.

The other diners have left nappies far far behind and have spent years keeping the details of their own toilet habits private and have no wish to be any closer to the habits of others than required by the necessary visit to public toilets and to be honest, many people would much rather completely avoid thinking about the toilet habits of other people.

While I think that the other diners could have thought things through from your perspective and thought, that poor woman is trying to have a nice lunch out with her babies and is doing the best she can, they probably thought, potty training should be done at home or in the park, not where other people are eating.

I also think if you had apologised profusely, been suitably mortified and not been rude to the other diners and then come on here to say how upset you were, you would have received a different reception on here!!

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