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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Horrible experience today

129 replies

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:06

Hello all, I'm potty training my 2 year old and have a 16 month old baby, and today had a day off work so thought I'd treat us to a nice lunch out in House of Fraser cafe in the mall in Sutton Coldfield. During lunch of course the 2 year old wanted a wee, so I got the travel pot out and put it between the pushchair and table so nobody could really see, the little one was still having lunch and there is no way my little girl could hold it long enough to pack everything up, go in a lift to the floor where the toilet is, queue etc.

Anyway she was just finishing when the manageress of the cafe came up and said that 'people were complaining' about the little girl being on the potty and that there were facilities downstairs. I explained that she couldn't wait to go downstairs and that I had the other one eating dinner!! So said 'yes, but it is a restaurant' - would the silly woman rather my little girl weed on the floor?? Or in the highchair?? And also, it would be impossible to even see her unless you were craning your neck, she is obviously tiny, was on the floor being hidden by the pushchair, and we weren't even sitting near anyone.

It turned out that the people who were complaining were a table of nasty old people, because one of them came up to have a go at me and tell me that 'there are facilities' - to which I replied she is being potty trained and can't wait, you nasty, mean piece of work.' to which she didn't really have a reply.

I can't believe that people can be so petty and spiteful. And I'm disgusted at the manageress for upholding such a stupid nasty complaint. Its really upset me to be attacked like that, its hard enough with 2 under 3 anyway without being subjected to abuse when I'm out. I'm sitting here crying.

OP posts:

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MrsSchadenfreude · 19/08/2013 17:34

What if she'd surprised you and had a shit too? Do you think that would have been acceptable?

littlemisswise · 19/08/2013 17:35

You were in the wrong and I would have complained too. It's never acceptable to use a potty in a restaurant in my world.

CailinDana · 19/08/2013 17:35

My ds is being potty trained at the moment and I wouldn't dream of bringing him into a cafe with no toilet access without a nappy on. If your dd is at the stage where she can't hold it for long then your options are to stay at home, to go on picnics in the open, to go to friends' houses or to put a nappy on her while she doesn't have toilet access. You can start going to cafes again when she is able to hold her wee for a reasonable amount of time.

Other people shouldn't have to see a child weeing in public to suit your need to have a nice lunch. You have two small children, it's a pain in the neck but it restricts you for a while. Annoying but suck it up.

runningonwillpower · 19/08/2013 17:36

I wouldn't have been a complainer.

But. Potty training is the job of the parent. That means some advance planning to suit the potty training needs. And that planning means more than just catching the wee.

What if your child had needed a poo at that moment in time? Would you expect other diners to be ok about it?

Floggingmolly · 19/08/2013 17:36

Nasty old people complained? . I would complain about anything related activity relating to toilets being performed in a restaurant where people are eating - be it nappy changes on the table or potties beside the table, and I'm neither old nor particularly nasty.
Why would you not take her to the toilet before you settled down to eat?
I still remind my 6 year old to go before we eat. What you did was rank.

Fourbears · 19/08/2013 17:36

I would have done the same OP! (And have done, not in a cafe but only cos I had no need to, but lots of other places) No one ever complained so I think you were unlucky. Urine is sterile, no bacteria in it, so it can't be unhygenic! Would they have rather had a puddle on the floor or would they rather that you had caught it, as you did? When they are first potty training, you get a few seconds notice that they need to go, if that.

Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 17:37

Put her in training pants -- if she wets herself her clothes get wet but it doesn't go on the floor. I think DD2 is going to be in them until she's about thirty (she has a perfect record with no accidents if she's naked from the waist down, but is struggling to get used to the idea of using the potty when she has clothes on). Bambino Mio and Bright Bots both do good training pants.

BalloonSlayer · 19/08/2013 17:37

Is this a reverse AIBU?

Go on, tell the truth, you were in House of Fraser and a woman let her child sit on the potty in the middle of a restaurant and then was breathtakingly rude when someone complained, weren't you?

You WANT us to sympathise with you about this daft mum who, despite the fact that she was potty training a child, when most people just stay indoors for obvious reasons, she went out for lunch . . . and not only that she chose somewhere which didn't even have a toilet on the same floor and then expected everyone to be OK with her DD pissing in the restaurant.

Go on, 'fess up.

Florin · 19/08/2013 17:37

Definitely not on. What would you have done if while on the potty she decided she wanted to do a poo as well? A small cafe with a loo close by would have been a much better choice.

elah11 · 19/08/2013 17:39

Yabu its a restaurant where people eat, not a toilet. Most of us on here have been through the toilet training phase and yep its tough at times but just because you are going through that phase atm that doesn't mean it has to affect other people who are out trying to have a nice meal. Your tt situation doesn't override other peoples right to have a meal without watching a small child pee in front of them . When your kids are older and all potty trained you will most likely look back and laugh at how entitled you feel right now .

NaturalBaby · 19/08/2013 17:39

I'm potty training my 3rd child and am not training him to wee in restaurants - and I had 3 dc's under 3 so I know full well what it's like to juggle a baby and potty train. It is crap but if I don't trust my ds to hold it in till we get to a toilet then I put him in toilet training pants. I'd rather rush him through the store in wet trousers than let him wee in a restaurant/cafe.

Fourbears · 19/08/2013 17:40

Rank?!! It's a tiny girl's wee, not a grown man pissing like a race horse!

magimedi · 19/08/2013 17:40

YABVU

That's gross to let your child pee in the middle of a cafe.

I am also an 'old person' - but not necessarily nasty.

littlemisswise · 19/08/2013 17:40

Urine isn't sterile, it is sterile until it reaches the uretha. So by the time it is passed there is bacteria in it thus pissing in a restaurant is unhygienic!

Quaffle · 19/08/2013 17:41

She's not ready to go to cafes then is she?
What if she'd turned out to need a poo after all?
You're still being unreasonable.

kelda · 19/08/2013 17:45

YABU.

This is why I used pull ups (you can get washable ones), so I could still got to cafes etc when potty training and not stress out when they needed the toilet. They usually would hold on long enough to run to the toilet anyway.

Original poster

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:46

thanks fourbears that was my thinking - I have done the staying in for weeks bit, I had put her on the loo straight before lunch, she has been potty trained for about a month now and we have been out loads with no accidents. She hasn't suddenly said she needed to wee like that for ages but she got really upset so I couldn't think what else to do.

The people who complained were OAPs, and the way they did it was nasty - to complain then come and start having a go as well is over-kill. I had got the message loud and clear and was packing up to leave. So I'm afraid that I have used the term 'nasty old people' as a descriptive one based in what happened. It is possible to complain in a nasty way, rather than a factual way. And they were old. Honestly - shall I call the police so that they can come and arrest me. I thought Mumsnet was a place you could go when you have had a bad day, or a bad experience and not be judged. I understand what most of you are saying but there are kinder ways of saying it - thanks, last time I will come to this website.

OP posts:

Patilla · 19/08/2013 17:46

I don't think urine is completely sterile sorry OP and in any event it doesn't smell great in a cafe.

If she had pooed that would definitely not be sterile and can actually spread a number of germs.

breatheslowly · 19/08/2013 17:47

YABU I think you just have to live with the restrictions that potty training brings - like not being able to have lunch in a restaurant that far from the loo. Obviously it is a bit harder with 2 DC, but a bit of forethought would have solved this. For example you could have picked up a few picnic bits and gone to the park.

LazyMonkeyButler · 19/08/2013 17:47

Two points:

I am familiar with the HOF restaurant in Sutton Coldfield. I would not have chosen it as a lunch destination with 2 under 3's in the first place. I feel like I'm being judged in there just for breathing.

Peeing in a restaurant is not on. Not even for little ones, sorry. Certainly not a HOF restaurant (you may have got away with it at Asda). Like a previous poster said, what if your DD had decided she needed a poo when on the potty? Not nice, sorry.

Sorry you had a rubbish day though.

LIZS · 19/08/2013 17:49

Flouncing over a public wee. You overreached yourself, were embarrassed when challenged and overreacted.

Sirzy · 19/08/2013 17:50

I am with the majority. You don't allow a child to wee in a restaurant. Places have toilets you use them.

mynameisslimshady · 19/08/2013 17:50

Mumsnet is a very, very supportive place, alongside that its a place you can go to canvass honest opinions, unfortunatly this time it turns out you were in the wrong, and I know its not nice to hear, but there is no need to flounce

Pootles2010 · 19/08/2013 17:50

Sorry you had a bad day, but have to agree with others. I wouldn't have gone to HoF cafe with two toddlers either - but I probably would have scooped both girls up, and asked member of staff/person sitting nearby to watch my stuff.

BalloonSlayer · 19/08/2013 17:50

And you used the term "silly woman" to describe an employee asking you not to let your daughter urinate in a public restaurant because . . . ?

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