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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Horrible experience today

129 replies

frogwell1 · 19/08/2013 17:06

Hello all, I'm potty training my 2 year old and have a 16 month old baby, and today had a day off work so thought I'd treat us to a nice lunch out in House of Fraser cafe in the mall in Sutton Coldfield. During lunch of course the 2 year old wanted a wee, so I got the travel pot out and put it between the pushchair and table so nobody could really see, the little one was still having lunch and there is no way my little girl could hold it long enough to pack everything up, go in a lift to the floor where the toilet is, queue etc.

Anyway she was just finishing when the manageress of the cafe came up and said that 'people were complaining' about the little girl being on the potty and that there were facilities downstairs. I explained that she couldn't wait to go downstairs and that I had the other one eating dinner!! So said 'yes, but it is a restaurant' - would the silly woman rather my little girl weed on the floor?? Or in the highchair?? And also, it would be impossible to even see her unless you were craning your neck, she is obviously tiny, was on the floor being hidden by the pushchair, and we weren't even sitting near anyone.

It turned out that the people who were complaining were a table of nasty old people, because one of them came up to have a go at me and tell me that 'there are facilities' - to which I replied she is being potty trained and can't wait, you nasty, mean piece of work.' to which she didn't really have a reply.

I can't believe that people can be so petty and spiteful. And I'm disgusted at the manageress for upholding such a stupid nasty complaint. Its really upset me to be attacked like that, its hard enough with 2 under 3 anyway without being subjected to abuse when I'm out. I'm sitting here crying.

OP posts:

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Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 19:05

No, chilipeppers. We're saying you should go to cafes that have loos attached (which, let's face it, is the majority of them) until your DC can hold on long enough to pack everything up and go to a loo on a different floor. And that if you're sufficiently unsure of the state of your child's bladder control that you carry a potty around with you then they should probably be in training pants (although there's less unanimity on that point).

Sirzy · 19/08/2013 19:07

If i hadn't have used a travel potty we wouldn't have left the house for 2+ years!

But then they aren't trained at all really if your needing a travel potty for over 2 years.

If your child hasn't grasped waiting a couple of minutes until you can get them to a toilet they aren't trained. that means that you either use a pull up or you plan places to go whereby your not going to be allowing your child to wee on a potty in the middle of very public places.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/08/2013 19:12

Surely if you take them to the loo before and after you should have half an hour -an hour to eat some lunch. If they are still weeing every ten mins and you can't go anywhere they just aren't ready anyway.

TSSDNCOP · 19/08/2013 19:13

Why out yourself in this situation. You knew there was no loo nearby so it was a stupid decision to use that restaurant.

And if HOF management are reading this, please tell the manager that she did the right thing upholding the complaint. If the manager suffers in any way as a consequence of this incident it would be bang out of order.

Fourbears · 19/08/2013 19:15

No Sirzy, he wasn't really trained. It was an extremely stressful time for both of us. He continued to have accidents for a long time, poor lad. Life cannot stop though and he would never have learnt if I had kept him in pull ups as he was happy to continue using them as a nappy. Having seen how easy my second was I can see how people might not understand if you have only a straightforward experience.

Sirzy · 19/08/2013 19:17

It doesnt matter how hard it is, you still don't let them piss in a restaurant. I don't see how anyone can think that is acceptable?

maja00 · 19/08/2013 19:18

chilipeppers - I didn't go out with DS without a nappy until he could at least wait a couple of minutes, and for the first few months I was always sure I knew where the nearest toilet was! I just wouldn't have chosen to sit down and have a meal somewhere where there wasn't a toilet with a 2 year old.

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2013 19:20

Fourbears - I'm sorry you had a hard time but really if it took 2 years having him in pants was surely a complete waste of time?? You say he wouldn't learn in pull ups but it sounds like he didn't learn in pants either until he was ready?

chilipeppers · 19/08/2013 19:20

They will never learn if you use pull ups.

maja00 · 19/08/2013 19:20

Sorry Fourbears, but if a child isn't toilet trained they need to be in a nappy or pull-up rather than weeing in public.

kelda · 19/08/2013 19:21

That's rubbish chillipeppers. All three of mine did, all before the age of two.

Pachacuti · 19/08/2013 19:24

And if you do believe that they will never learn if you use pull ups then there is always the option of training pants -- which feel just like regular pants from the child's perspective but contain any accidents a little bit more (you'll still have to change clothes, but you won't get puddles on the floor).

maja00 · 19/08/2013 19:24

Pull-ups are fine if children are at an inbetween stage where sometimes they use the toilet and sometimes they wee without warning. I didn't need to use them with DS but don't see the issue if children are taking longer to train. Better that than weeing on the floor.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/08/2013 19:24

I just don't understand why people put themselves in that kind of situation. Sure buses or car journeys etc are vital and you cross your fingers and hope for best. But surely you weigh up options with regards to trips that aren't necessary. Bhs/HOF/JL are all the kind of establishments that are full of elderly people taking up tea and cake deals, or are In shopping centres and the public toilets can be a floor or two away. On the other hand a family pub with a playground or beer garden is likely to be full of families who perhaps wouldn't bat an eye lid, might offer to watch stuff and you can position yourself close to the loos or by a tree (for energencies)

Fourbears · 19/08/2013 19:27

I kept trying. I didn't want him to go to school in pull ups. I'm glad for you all that had an easy time of it. It's still a sore point for me. At no point did my ds use a potty in a restaurant, by the way. I'm bowing out now.

K8Middleton · 19/08/2013 19:30

Sympathies. We had a horrendous time too. I had to put him back in pull ups and just wait. Even now he will refuse to use the loo even when I can see he needs to.

Never did the potty either.

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2013 19:30

Fourbears - I had an easy time of it with dd yes but not ds, he refused to poo in a potty / toilet until he was 3.6 and I was heavily pregnant. It's no reflection on the parent or child if potty training takes a while.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/08/2013 19:34

"....to which I replied she is being potty trained and can't wait, you nasty, mean piece of work....."

What a lovely example you set for your child, frogwell - will you be happy if your child chooses to mimic you, and hurls abuse at an elderly person?

I agree with the vast majority on here - a restaurant is NOT a toilet, and if your child is not reliably able to wait whilst you pack everything up to take her to the loo, then YOU shouldn't have picked somewhere where that would be necessary.

Had there been a toilet nearby, you could have told the waitress that you were nipping to the loo with the children, and asked her to keep an eye on your drinks etc until you got back.

I potty trained three boys without once needing a portable potty - and if I had, there is NO way I would have let one of the dses use it in a restaurant.

What do you think would have happened if the Health Inspectors had made an unannounced visit to the cafe? Do you think they would have been happy to see a child using their potty in the restaurant (and by the by, you were NOT being as discreet as you think you were, otherwise no-one would have noticed)?

You are clearly pissed off because we haven't all sided with you and agreed at everyone was horrid to you - well sorry, but that is tough. Mumsnet is a wonderful place, and hugely supportive - but it is somewhere where people speak their minds, and you cannot ask a question if all you want is for people to pat you soothingly and tell you you are right, regardless. Throwing your toys out of your pram and flouncing because you didn't get the answer you wanted, is very immature.

Sirzy · 19/08/2013 19:35

They will never learn if you use pull ups.

and they will if you let them stop and wee wherever they are?

belatedmaybe · 19/08/2013 19:35

Loving the idea that mumsnet is the place to come and not be judged and that everyone should be flowery and naice

No mn is the place to come when you want to hear the truth in a very spade is a spade manner, sorry. Some people just cannot hack it here.

saintmerryweather · 19/08/2013 19:51

well at least the op got the thread title right, that would be a horrible experience ... for the other customers

TheFantasticFixit · 19/08/2013 19:53

I think that most posters have covered everything here really. I am appalled though that you feel so entitled to do something that is so blatantly inappropriate and anti-social. I'm rather hoping that your total outrage at the way you have been 'treated' is more about how you are feeling at the moment as a parent and being overwhelmed with having 2 under 3. Like other posters have advised, it's probably best to stick to child friendly places with easy toilet access until your DC is totally dry and trained.

I hope you don't quit mumsnet though, but rather see the honesty on here as a positive thing. Posters have opinions and will give you that, after all, it's the essence of how a forum works, isn't it? I think you'll find on balance though that it is very supportive in general.

Chin up. It was a horrid day, but it's nearly tomorrow now.

Ashinagai · 19/08/2013 20:03

FFS. What are you teaching your child, that its ok to piss under the table? It is in no way acceptable for you to have taken out the potty in the middle of a cafe. You must know this.

RubyrooUK · 19/08/2013 20:09

Frogwell, if you are still reading, don't leave Mumsnet because people have said you handled an stressful situation wrong. Sorry you had such a crappy day.

For what it's worth, I think a poster upthread got it perfectly when they said that you are intimately involved with the toilet habits of your small children so it was no big deal for you to whip out a potty in a restaurant. Once a bit further from that stage, it seems less essential and more gross. Weeing and eating is not a good mix.

It was unnecessary for that person to complain further to you as you left because you were already embarrassed and it had been dealt with that. But you were also very rude when you were in fact doing something a bit anti-social. If you hadn't felt so stressed and upset, you could have said cheerily "sorry, we're potty training and it all went a bit wrong today. Apologies!" and dashed off.

I have one child (DS1) who still has a travel potty carried around under the buggy as he is scared of the big toilet. I also have a baby. A few weeks ago, I had to sprint down a supermarket aisle carrying a three year old and a heavy four month old in a car seat, throw a full trolley at a member of staff saying "please, I want this food but we have a toilet emergency" as she giggled and rush into the toilet. So I do sympathise.

I would probably have grabbed DS1 and interrupted DS2 eating and dashed to the toilet. But I still don't take DS1 anywhere yet that's too far from a toilet just in case.

What I am saying is just chalk this up to a shitty day. It wasn't the best decision to let your child pee in a restaurant. You were rude to an elderly person in a heated moment when you already felt awful. It was just crap all round.

Decide that in a few years, you will laugh at the time that DD peed in a restaurant and you argued with a pensioner. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

TheFantasticFixit · 19/08/2013 20:40

That is a lovely post Rubyroouk

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