febes- I really don't know what to suggest. If your DH is ok with settling him, then maybe you should just go for it, maybe offering water instead incase he is thirty? I am still feeding S, usually at around 11pm and 3am (but sometimes as early as 9.30) but my other DCs were just having the 11pm feed at this age, so I am sure he could manage without it. Not brave enough to try just settling him at 3am yet though.
belgian- i am sure some of DS2s screaming is due to his temperament/personality. But there were 3 other (youngers) babies there, who seemed quite settled and I just wished that S would be for once, or that people could see how lovely he is at home.