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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

Why do people get their children christened when they don't go to church or have any religious beliefs?

91 replies

sparkler1wantsaconservatory · 09/07/2006 09:59

I have always wondered this. My dds have not been christened. I am a godmother to my friend's daughter but see my duties to her more of a way to be there for her as a good friend and someone to confide in if ever she chooses. I am unsure as to my own religious beliefs - bit of an atheist I guess. If my own daughters or goddaughter want to know anything about religion then I am willing to help them understand all sides and feel that they should be able to choose which path they want to take.
I find it very strange that people would go to all the effort to arrange a big do and actually have no beliefs at all. This may sound harsh but I think some people do it more for an excuse to party.

OP posts:

hulababy · 09/07/2006 10:12

I don't go to church and neither does DH. However we are both christened and I am confirmed. We had our wedding blessed in church, after getting married abroad. And DD was christened when she was a baby. It isn't that we don't believe but it is just a very underlying thing for us. It felt right to have her christened rather than a naming ceremony.

It was a big event in some ways too . The christenng was done by the same priest who did our blessing, and it was a dedicated service for just us - not part of a normal Sunday service. We had well over 50 church guests plus others who came to an afternoon party celebration too. It was also partly our way of introducing DD to our family and friends in a formal way.

So, partly for (underlying) religious beliefs and yes, partly for a party celebration to welcome DD as well. happy to admit that.

Suppose it is the same as why do people marry in church if they have no religous beliefs, and many more do than have their baby christened I bet.

alittlebitshy · 09/07/2006 10:13

i often wonder that, esp seing several faniles a year come through our church.... I think it is seen as "what you do".
one thing that flumoxed me recently was a couple who just had their dd christened at church and in a months time are geting married... in a civil ceremony. made me laugh a bit at the irony of it all.
i think people like to maybe have a safeguard.... they think it's a nice thing to do for their child even if it doesn;t mean anything to them or even if they don't think much about it afterwards????!!!

am i making any sense. random things coming out with dd chattering in the background putting me off my train of thougght!

Original poster

sparkler1wantsaconservatory · 09/07/2006 10:15

Have never understood the getting married in church thing either in these situations.

OP posts:

mrsbang · 09/07/2006 10:16

We had a service of thanksgiving for each of our three when they were babies, rather than a baptism.

Although I don't have strong religious beliefs, I did want some sort of religious "welcome" for the boys, but also wanted them to be able to choose their own path when the time was right for them.

We didn't have to have the church service, we could have had a "naming" ceremony anyway, but it felt right for us at the time.

Since then the family has begun attending church and DH got confirmed 3/4 years ago (I'm not confirmed). The boys are now 11, 9 and 7. They chose to get baptised last year, the eldest was confirmed and the younger two took Holy Communion.

alittlebitshy · 09/07/2006 10:17

one thing Iobject to is when people decide they want the service to be THEIR service. I really don't agree with it not being done in the church service, it's like saying it's a private thing with nothing to do with helping their child enter the kingdom of god..... Also in our experience, having it during the Family service serves more purpose in encouraging the baptism family or guests to think about continuing to come along to chuch as a matter of course rather than as a mere interlude...

alittlebitshy · 09/07/2006 10:18

scuse all my typos and ramblings.

Twiglett · 09/07/2006 10:21

we are atheist / agnostic

we didn't christen or naming ceremony our children

think others do it for the event / presents personally

hulababy · 09/07/2006 10:23

alittlebitshy - we had no choice in how our service was done. The priest made that decision. I had previosuly only been to CofE services where it was part of the normal Sunday service, with more than one child being baptised one after the other. DD's was just her, with it being a short baptism service only. Don't know why, but it was just the way he did it. I certainly didn't object to others being there if they so wished.

I don't go to church but do have an underlying belief, I think. I don't need to go to church to feel this.

I think church is good for those who want and/or need it however.

Donbean · 09/07/2006 10:26

I disagree that people do it just for the party as such.
I have 6 God children and i never have gone to church and still dont now, HOWEVER i look at it apart from the religious conitations and see it as a HUGE honour and take it very seriously.
I think that it is a way of marking the importance of that child arriving into the world and how each and every one is so so so precious and a unique gift from whoever is up there.
I was Christened and we have chosen not to Christen ds as we got married in a reg office and hold no religious values ourselves.

In fact we are God parents AGAIN in August and we asked abut the do and was told that 86 people will be there, out of those 86 family and friends they have chosen us to be guardian angels to thier little angel....what an absolute honour that they think so trustfully of us dont you think?
Any way, for me that is what it is all about.

fullmoonfiend · 09/07/2006 10:27

I have just been to a christening (of an 8.5 year old) where the parents are confirmed athiests! I suspect (very cynical me) it was done because secondary school choices are looming in the future and children being christened offers more points at the very over-subscribed C of E secondary near us...

mrsbang · 09/07/2006 10:38

The church my family now attends almost always has baptisms during the family service. We had our boys' services at the same church we got married in and they told us when the baptisms would be.

Have to say with No 3 I am glad that it was just us though because it was a very traumatic time as both DH and myself had just lost our mothers and so the ceremony was bitter-sweet. I would have still had the thanksgiving, but as an "outsider" to the Church, I would have felt differently about the service.

The wonderful vicar had led my mother's and my aunt's funerals just the month before so knew all about our circumstances and she was just magnificent as she would have been in any service I guess, but she made it feel "right" for us.

edam · 09/07/2006 11:10

Cultural reasons? We haven't got ds christened yet because I didn't have the energy for the row with dh when ds was a baby. But I would like to get him christened as it's part of my culture (and I was and have a reasonably good working knowledge of the gospels). I have Jewish friends who never darken the door of a synagogue but still have their children circumcised. Same thing IMO.

moondog · 09/07/2006 11:18

I agree Sparkler.
It is so thick and shallow.

Ladymuck · 09/07/2006 11:22

I think that instinctively lots of us do want some celebration to mark the arrival of a new baby, and if you are of Christian heritage, then a christening is it (and if you have a different cultural heritage then you probably have a different welcoming as the norm).

I suspect that people who are unsure of their beliefs are by far in the majority in this country. I know that there are now more humanist/secular naminig ceremonies, but you still have to do a lot of explaining to family and friends if you go down thiss path, and the bonus with a christening is that you have a readymade cross section of society present in the form of the church ocngreagation.

I know that some Christians will feel that their service is being hijacked, but wonder whether their leader would think?

MrsBadger · 09/07/2006 11:26

bet he'd think that anything that gets people into church and thinking about the Big Questions is a good thing.

fattiemumma · 09/07/2006 11:35

i got my ds baptised. im not a religious person but i do have some leanings towards christianity. that doesnt make sense.

what i mean is that although i have not been bought up as a religous person i would like to think that god/heaven exists and i want my children to have their passport ready for when their final journey takes place.

however my main reason for having ds baptised was probably quite selfish. he has autism and is currently educated in mainstream. i wanted him to go to a church run school where there was more opertunity for him to be accepted. i thought (hoped) that the schoolw ould teach acceptance and offer a more welcoming and understanding environment for him.

i know that is terirble, and i almost feel guilty for "using" the church. but i am sure that my actions are udnerstood by the people that matter.

i do go to church...admitedly it is not as often as maybe i should but that is more becasue of practicalities of going rather than not wanting to.

i do get your point sparkle but always have to defend my deciion to baptise ds and i do feel its unfair t judge. maybe the parents aren't religious but they get soem comfort out of the ceremony. i always considered religion to be a kind of shoudler to lean on, rather than a members only club.

expatinscotland · 09/07/2006 11:36

DD2 hasn't been christened. My dad asked about it, I said it's b/c we don't go to church.

Was married at a registry house.

nearlythree · 09/07/2006 12:33

The baptism is about the baby, not the parents. Who cares what their motives are? Point is the baby receives the sacrament and the baby is surrounded by prayers. Christians who object should tske a long look at their own motives for being in church.

SaintGeorge · 09/07/2006 12:41

Yes, the baptism (or christening) is about the baby but who has the right to make religious choices for a tiny child?

I can understand it to an extent when the parents are religious themselves but for those who are not religious at all it strikes me as very hypocritical.

23balloons · 09/07/2006 12:52

Not sure why everybody does it but db and sil did it soley to get a place at the local church school and have hardly attended mass since. Still it does then give the child a chance to decide for themselves later on whether they want to follow the religion.

As for people who have a huge church wedding and never attend church otherwise I think that is far worse and can't understand why they would choose to marry in church if they are not religious.

emsiewill · 09/07/2006 12:55

Had an argument with a friend about this which went something like this:

Her:But if your dds aren't christened, they won't be able to get married in a church.

Me:If they want to be baptised when they are older, I will support their decision, that will be up to them.

Her:But that's a lot of trouble for them to have to go to.

Me:Well, as I say if they want to get married in a church, they will have to make that decision. If they decide they want God in their lives, then they have made that decision themselves, not me making it for them.

Her:forget all that God nonsense, what about the photos? Churches are so much nicer than registry offices.

Me:!!!

SlightlyFamiliarPeachyClair · 09/07/2006 12:56

Well I have sort of religious beliefs in temrs of morality, as does Dh but mainly because the Church reflected the values that we wanted ds1 and ds2 to gorw up with, we wanted them to be able to take communion (I always hated that I couldn't but nether could I attend the classes required for a baptism as an adult) and we wanted them to be able to get amrried in a church if they should so want.

By DS3 we ahd become so disillusioned with the local Church that we had a naming ceremony instead

hulababy · 09/07/2006 12:57

But does everyone feel that the only way to show/feel any religious beliefs is to go to a church? Why can't people just have a belief and follow their thoughts/beliefs without church attendance. Surely there are more than one way to believe?

IMO religious beliefs do not have to involve going to church.

So, yes I had my marriage blessed in church and yes, I had my daughter baptised but no, I do not go to church.

SlightlyFamiliarPeachyClair · 09/07/2006 12:58

Fiar point Hula, the one I'd have made when DS1 was born I think. It's about how you live, not where you go on a Sunday morning. SOme of the least Christian people I have met ahve been churchgoers.

edam · 09/07/2006 13:00

Agree with nearlythree, baptism is about the baby and anyone who objects to the parents should remember that. The CofE is the established church so it has a legal and moral responsibility to us all, if we call on it, heathens included!

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