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humping dog

144 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/07/2009 21:22

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

our monster is

starting to hump

eldest had friend over last week for play after school (and yes this blonde cooked a fab homemade meal - but i regress ...)

friend 6 was kneeling on grass,and puppy crouched over him and was about to hump, when i saw, and yelled,and dog ran away - friend was ok - didnt know what had happened

yesterday was worse

more friends over and boy 5 was just standing in garden, when monster puppy went up to him, put his paws on shoulder and literally was trying to shag him

boy fell over, and dog carried on - i was at other end of garden (its a big one) and i yelled and charged to end of garden to try and pull dog off

remember he is 10.5 stone - dog ran off, and i yelled at him, and put him in his cage

mb was at home and asked what dog had done (she heard me screaming at dog) and i said dog had just tried to shag friend

mb was and

luckily friend5 didnt know what had really happened, and we just said dog was naughty for pushing him over

i want to chop his balls off NOW, as does mb but db wants to breed from him,as he is a pedigree and a lovely boy (normally)

he is 13mths - how old does a dog have to be to be a daddy?

so

bella, king and anyone else

what do we do to stop it?

thank you

OP posts:
JonBonJovisSaggyAss · 24/07/2009 13:42

She is right you know, it is soo restrictive in there, even at nightime he puts me in one of those arse bras to stop the sagging getting any worse.

bella21 · 24/07/2009 13:42

Jon, love, you gotta stop this. It's not good for you. I told you - it's over. It's my fault really - I shouldn't have expected you to understand that no-strings sex was just that. I should have seen that you'd get emotionally attached.

But we had fun, didn't we? Your foreplay needs a little fine tuning but you will get there. With someone else, okay? I need to get on with my life, with Mr Bella, the dcs, the dogs, the cats... You need to get on with being a rock star. I know it's boring after being with me but you made a hell of a mess of my kitchen that day you tried to help with the pavlova, so I don't think we were meant to be.

No hard feelings, okay? I'll still listen to you on my iPod and the dc's are really getting into your music now.

Have a good one, Jon. And please - take your pets to the vet, okay?

Bella xxx (but don't read anything into the kisses, okay?)

bella21 · 24/07/2009 13:43

x post with your saggy ass, babe

JonBonJovisSaggyAss · 24/07/2009 13:44

Ahh, yes it is Bella... she is familiar with talking asses I am sure

bella21 · 24/07/2009 13:48

..and fyi, dh is same age as Jon and his is most definitely not saggy!

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 13:53

Lol, perhaps your dh started wearing his ass bra earlier then? Before the damage was done?

bella21 · 24/07/2009 13:55

You clearly did not get my earlier jibe about time on naughty step? 1 minute per year of your life....

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 13:57

No, I got it, I was flattered that I was managing to come across that young - have I managed to disguise my hairy hands too?

JonBonJovi · 24/07/2009 13:59

Bella, babe...

Listen, I get it. I understand it's over. You'll never be the one I wake up with every morning. I won't strum my guitar while you munch on your Jordans Natural Muesli. I won't wash up your latex gloves after you've done the dogs' anal glands.

I know.

But here's the deal, babe.

Could we just do it one last time? I won't kiss you, I won't tell you I love you. Just pure animal sex the way you like it. Then I'll go, I promise.

Please?

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:02

Oh, all right, Jon.

This had better be the end of it, okay?

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 14:18

Jon, you may want to talk to 10stonedog, I am fairly sure he knows an awful lot about animal sex

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:30

He's sleeping it off now, thank god.

At least I can get on with worming the cats.

KC - when he wakes up, could you tell him I've popped to the shops or something?

Really can't be doing with it today.

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 14:31

I would love to Bella but I am afraid I will be busy sneaking Mr Depp away fom his stalker, you are on your own with this one, sorry!

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:36

'Sneaking him away'?

In a pushchair?

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 14:43

pushchair?

Ehh???

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:46

'cos he's so young!!!!!!!

oh, ffs, woman, get with the programme

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/07/2009 14:48

just how old are you bella

johnny is 10years my senior !!!

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 14:49

Err... well, he is older than me!

He was born in 1963, I don't think that makes him a baby - looks like all that exfoliating is paying off

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:53

Not chronologically young, sweetie. Looks young. Baby faced. Pre-pubescent. Whatever you wanna call it.

Anyway, am not going to get into a huge cat fight with you over your appalling taste in men. Too scared Blondie will come back and whack us over the head with her XXXXXL Rampant Pabbit to separate us.

  • friends?

Gotta go - RL calls.

Laters

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:54

pmsFl at Rampant Pabbit - she'll be googling that

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 14:55

Lol, I could never be friends with someone who disses my man...

Well, actually, that is not a problem as I don't actually have a man [pout]

Ok, promise that, should I actually get together with JD (as per my 10 year plan) you will stop dissing him and we can be buds

bella21 · 24/07/2009 14:57

If you take back the JBJ saggy bum bra thingy...

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/07/2009 15:00

i wouldnt waste break my rabbit on hitting you two

and as JD is 46 he looks young like my dh does

if i remember when you saw our wedding pics you thought he was much younger than me - dh ages well

must be the love of a good blondes woman

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 15:01

That wasn't me... I lurve Mr Jovis saggy butt...

Oh, ok, I take it back

KingCanuteIAm · 24/07/2009 15:02

Twas very funy though