A question for those with adult children

[MyHeartyTealBear]

If your dc were in hospital (an accident rather than an illness type situation?l) what specifically would you do to help out or offer assistance? If they told you they’d need quite a lengthy recovery period? As in, what as a parent would come naturally to you to do?

How old are you? Sorry how old is the hypothetical child?!

posted in the adult children board, so an adult child

Mine are in the same city so if there was a prolonged recovery time and it was easier at home, I would ask if they wanted to come back. If they didn’t, I would make some food and take it round, offer to do some cleaning/washing if they couldn’t etc etc

Whatever I could. If they needed to come home to recover, they could- partners and family too. We’d make it work.

I love how you say ‘come home’ here and including their family and partners, I wish you were my mum!

If practical, I'd suggest they move back home for a bit for some parental support and TLC.

Impossible to answer in the abstract. If they have a spouse/partner they live with who can be the primary support, less than if they live alone. Also depends how far apart we live. But generally, if possible based on location, visit them daily, bring food, snacks, books, clean PJs and underwear, etc. If that wasn’t possible due to distance or necessary because a spouse was already doing that, at least telephone/faectime daily if they were up to it, and try to arrange a visit.

Okay thank you those who have answered thus far, it seems I’m not expecting too much of my parent. Would anyone like to adopt a 27 year old child? 😃

My sons are 32 and 36 now, if they needed me there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them.

They are so lucky to have you.

Depends what they need/ want. If they asked to come home thats fine but realistically I have a job a younger children and poor health myself so would only be so much help. If they needed 24/7 I wouldn't be much use

If DS I would fuss over him but he lives with his fabulous DP, ninety minutes away from me.

If DD, who is single, I would ask if she wanted to recuperate at my house.

My ds is 29 and recently had a short hospital stay - taken by ambulance. We drove immediately to the hospital (we were on the way to his place when things became a crisis and he called an ambulance). Stayed with him until discharge - going back and forth. Helped him make decisions and then brought him home to us for a few days to recover. I drove him home with dinners/food/heating pad/medication etc.

If he had a serious girlfriend or a live in partner I'd have adjusted my reaction - wouldn't want to encroach but I think he knows he can come here any time or rely on us for support in any medical situation.

I'm sorry you weren't well OP. Hope everything is ok now.

Thank you, ironically your post included more care for me than either of my parents have expressed 😂 xx

If an adult child on their own I would scoop them up and bring them home. If they had a partner and/or children then I’d offer to go and stay for a bit whilst they recover so as not to disrupt the normal routine as much as possible.

And I hope your lovely DS made a swift recovery x

I would ask them if there was anything I could do. All my adult children have partners (wives and husbands) and I would presume that they would be the first recourse for help and assistance and, at most, I might be called upon to cook some meals or feed or walk a pet if their partner was visiting them frequently.

But as they are all in couples I don't feel it's my place to rush in offering for them to come home because they would much rather be with their other halves than with their mother!

Ive been in hostipal a few times, my mums jumped on a train done the 4 hour journey and helped but I was on the bink of dying at the time.

My children will always have a home wherever I am, for as long as I am able.

Anything. Anything to help

Mine would be welcome to return to our home to recover and I would love looking after them 😂

I hope you do find some support but remember to ask for what you need as it’s easy to think it’s obvious. If people can’t or won’t help then at least you know where you stand.
If your parents won’t help then make yourself as comfortable as possible; pay for food delivery and work out what’s needed for each stage of recovery. This is a time to hunker down - keep warm and well fed. Listen to your body and do appropriate exercise even if it’s walking around your home.

Oh dear OP I’m guessing you have a mother like mine. My mum would probably turn any conversation about me being unwell and needing help into a lecture as to why this is all my fault. The astonishing thing is my mum was a nurse 🤣. I’m sorry you’ve not been well. It’s a hard lesson to learn that you don’t have the parents you want or need. I’d do anything for my adult children which is my way of breaking the cycle of generations of shit parenting. This doesn’t help you though and I hope you have friends who can fill that void.

I’m always really worried about this (although DD lives like a 15min drive away at most) and I would 100% feel more comfortable with her staying home. She hasn’t even had her first big bout of flu yet since moving out, at which point I’ll expect she stays over while recovering.

I remember what it was like being ill with no help and it’s awful.

That is what I would do too.

OP it sounds like you don’t have a close, supportive family? 😕