How often do you typically see adult DCs? Saw a post from a mum whose DD won't commit to spending some time with her once a fortnight and it upset me

[BoringOwl]

I saw a post recently from another mum on MN who said she would like it if her adult DD (20s) could commit to having dinner with her once a fortnight, but her DD prioritizes her friends. I have 2 teenage DCs and I have been worrying that they won't want to spend any time with me as they transition into adulthood. I realise it's completely normal for DCs to spend less time with you as they mature and become adults, but something about the other mum's DD not wanting to commit to spending time with her really hit me hard emotionally.

I'm wondering, how much time do your adult DCs typically spend with you? I find the thought of an adult DC being too busy to even have dinner once a fortnight (or just not wanting to) to be quite upsetting. I would also not want them to see me as a "nuisance" or "hard work" - yet I've seen posts from people describing their own DM as such. I'd be heartbroken if my own DCs perceived me in that way.

One of mine lives a 16 hour flight away - see them every couple of years because its very expensive for either us or them to travel. Speak couple of times a month and send photos or messages as and when. One lives 30 minutes away - see them a couple of times a year. They're busy working and enjoying their life. Speak a couple of times a month, message and send pics as and when. We raised our children to be independent and adventurous so why would they want to hang out with the 'oldies'? If they are happy then I'm happy and if they need me I will move mountains to help.

I have 2 adult sons, one is 30 the other is 26.
We live in opposite directions of each other but within 20 mins.
We speak daily. We see each other most days.
Dh spends time with them usually on Saturday mornings.
We go to gigs together, eat out and go hiking, cycling, climbing and skiing together.
They are good company.

I only see my own parents a few times a year. I wish it were more, but my mother is a…difficult house guest, and with our busy schedules it’s hard to get up to see them much. (It’s 300 miles or so.)

By contrast, MIL lives in the same area and DH sees her at least once a week. She takes our youngest DS home with her after religion class on Wednesday evenings and DH goes and has dinner with them and then brings DS home. DH brings all the kids over there on weekends sometimes, especially if I’m working and want the house quiet so I can sleep (I work overnights).

My oldest DS is away at college; he started at the end of August and has been home twice since and we’re going there in a few weeks.

So I think it really depends on the relationship you have and of course, the distance between you. I know a man in his 50s who leaves work and takes his lunch break with his 77 year old mother every day.

20yo still lives at home, so I "see" him most days (spends some time at his dad's house), but that can vary from saying hi/bye as he comes and goes, playing cards, chatting, Sunday roast with grandparents.

24yo lives about 1.5h drive away, I see him periodically, but probably less than 10 times a year.

It depends how far away from you they live. My youngest ds lives about 1 mile from me and he invited me to dinner almost once every week. He's an excellent cook. My DD lives 165 miles away so I only see her about 4 times a year but we video chat too. My eldest DS lives 150 miles away. I see him about every 2 months but only because we have to drive up 25 miles away from where he lives to visit my elderly mil.

I think it can ebb and flow through life - maybe less often for adult children in their 20s who might be building a career and relationships. But now in 30s with young kids I see my parents loads!

That said they have always made the effort and stayed in touch even when I was maybe wrapped up in other stuff.