How often do you hear from adult children after they move out?

[Hithismyname]

How often did you see or speak to your child once they moved out. I understand that the distance makes a huge difference but even a phone call, did they still bother?

My sons are terrible. They have their phones in their hands all of the time but fail to reply to my texts. If I didn’t make the effort I reckon I would receive the occasional “how are you?” Text monthly. However, if the want something or I have some post for them they expect me to be waiting for their call :-)

@IwouldlikeanewTV My son moved out 2 months ago. I have only seen him once and he hasn't rang once. Pointless me ringing him because he wouldn't answer. I get are you OK text every few days and thats it. Kinda sad when it was always just me and him for 25 years. Least I know others have the same problem and not just me.

Either dh or I ring ds every couple of weeks , text occasionally,see him every 6 weeks or so.

Lots of what's apping. They or we can answer when it is convenient ie not at work, putting children to bed, driving or in the bathroom.
We will arrange video calls in advance.
Often daily messaging.

My son is 26 and calls most days. DD is 29 and calls once a week on average.

However, we are all in regular contact on WA. Group chat is going all day long with photos, memes, links and general chit chat.

I have one of each. My daughter calls me daily and messages loads throughout the day. My son is the total opposite. Short messages and calls much less frequent.

Could you offer to meet him for coffee?

I phoned my mum about 3 times a day 🙈 and whatsapp messages inbetween. I miss having her to talk to 💔

I FaceTime dd once or twice a week and she pops in occasionally to see her cats. However when ds moves out I doubt I’ll hear from him.

@Likeiloveyou he lives a two and half hour drive away. He works mon to Fri over there and I also work and often also a saturday so we said we would meet some sundays half way but it just hasn't happened. Even a phone call would make me happy, I mentioned it to him and he said oh I will Tommorrow then. I almost feel like he doesnt exist whuch is sad. Whenever I message he answers back hours later or not at all.

Two of mine will be WhatsApping daily. Sometimes in 2, 3, or 4 different groups.
The other sometimes doesn't reply for a couple of days, but that one is more likely to video call than the other two.
Two are local and one is a couple of hundred miles away.
One of the local ones I see a couple of times a week, the other perhaps once every two weeks.

How close were you before he moved out? I speak to both my mine most days. One of them lives 30 mins away and I see him a couple of times a week, the other is an hour and a half away and I see her roughly every 3 times a month.

@venmor very close. I brought him up as a single mother and he is almost 26. Never had any problems with him and he never been in trouble or anything always good kid. He has moved in with his girlfriends family though so I think he just focused on her.

Can't say for my own kids as they're still under 10 but I message my mum daily and go to see my parents at least 2x a week - mum also does childcare for us so we see her every day during term time. DP works with his dad and brother and sees his mum once a week when he goes over for dinner to pick DD up after her day with nanna. I couldn't imagine not speaking to my parents regularly tbh!

I think boys are built different though - my brother messages mum regularly but he probably only visits her once or twice a month

Make the extra effort to arrange to see him, you could drive close to him, take him for coffee.

Invite him and his GF to visit you.

I’ve got DD’s, one texts most days and one is terrible at texting but will FaceTime about one every two weeks so I do think it’s personality rather than sex.
The way I deal with it when I’m feeling a bit rejected is remembering how much I stayed in contact with my parents in early twenties. It was not a lot! Probably a phone call every fortnight? I don’t ever remember feeling guilty about it either. But we remained close and once I was more settled down/had kids the visits and calls became very frequent.

We don't really do phone calls, but the family message group (me + 2 adult DCs) is active most days, plus one-to-one messaging chats more sporadically. I see them in person on average once every 6-8 weeks ( they are busy with work and travel, I divide my time between three different locations so can be hard to coordinate)

Edited to add: at their ages I wrote to my parents once a week or so and occasionally phoned them.

@concertinacornflake I dont drive. I have offered to meet half way on the train. I message everyday. I planned the last meeting. Its hard to meet up as all our work times clash. I thought he would at least ring once.

One local I see about once a month. Another local one I see once or twice a week. A third child who lives 250 miles away I have a FaceTime with every weekend.

Give it time. He’ll settle into a routine and I’m sure you’ll have more contact in the future. He’s off living an exciting, novel life at the moment, but those good 25 years count for a lot.

Not that frequently, dd2 most weeks even more often if she wants something/advice/upset/news but dd1 not much, I call her eventually usually, she does if she actually wants something otherwise not really. Dsd rarely calls her dad unless she wants something or iS feeling guilty about something… she calls me for advice sometimes because her mum doesn’t have the same world view on many things

It varies hugely by child. DS1 rings me most days and we WhatsApp as well. DS2 usually only if he needs money or for me to sort something and DD is patchy.

Also OP, if you ring him everyday, he doesn’t really get the chance to ring you! Maybe give it a break on the odd day or two.

I have a son in Canada who has been there 12 years. I found that the best way to keep up the contact is to talk/share things with a common interest. So send funny clips or ask about something he is interested in. Sons don’t want to do the general ‘catch up with news type chat’ , but he will interact if you chat about a specific subject. I talked to my son loads during the World Cup- I became a pundit overnight!!! Then once you chat about that you can then easily move into other things more mundane. It works for me ( we both love films too so that’s a common thing too). And don’t take it personally

All four of my adult dc text or ring most days. We all live within ten mins drive of each other so see each other a lot too.