How often do you hear from adult children after they move out?

[Hithismyname]

How often did you see or speak to your child once they moved out. I understand that the distance makes a huge difference but even a phone call, did they still bother?

Eldest has lived away for a few years now, about 200 miles. We have some sort of contact most days, either a call or a message conversation, sometimes a few messages throughout the day.

Mine message me every day. See each other frequently too.

I’m not saying this is the case here but I stopped making so much effort with my mum because it felt one sided. It’s always me arranging to see her, get in touch.
if I didn’t make these plans I wouldn’t see her for months on end.
It’s hard and frustrating carrying all the weight of maintaining a relationship.

You say it’s pointless ringing him because he wouldn’t pick up. Maybe not, but worth trying.

Me and all my siblings speak to my parents every day. I have spoken to them every day since I left home at 17/18.

even though some daughters are bad for keeping in contact, my experience is that sons are generally far worse. My husband would never ever call or text his mother if it wasn’t for me forcing him to. My BIL moved to the other side of the world and my sister had to continually tell him to call his mother. He never did. She gave up in the end trying to encourage him to. Some will
disagree, but the majority of men are inherently selfish and if they are having their needs met by life, others, themselves, they don’t seem to care one iota about their mothers.

My late Dh spoke to his parents every day for a long time. It all depends on family culture imo.

My eldest moved an hour away and I see her once or twice a month , ctalk/message a couple times a week. Youngest lives in same village and I see her 2-3 times a week. Talk most days.

i do often suggest meet-ups / check-in with them. I’d say 75% me 25% them

I send cat pictures if I haven't heard from them for a few days

This must hurt. He’s quite happy with her family yet has relegated you to the sidelines.
Hopefully once the novelty of it all has worn off, he might start to contact you more.

Child one I rarely hear from. We do phone calls maybe every 6/8 weeks, and sometimes whatsapp in between
Child two lives abroad -- We video call every week and whatsapp in between
Child three -- lives locally, see him once a week and whatsapp inbetween
Child four -- Whatsapp regularly and meet up every few weeks

Phone call are rare with any of them. But I do know if I need anything they would be there for me.

We have a couple of group chats on different platforms and message on at least one most days, usually a meme or a pic.

Text DD once a week to see how she is, she replies with a day/time she'll ring me. The phone call is about 2/3 minutes (neither of us are great with phone calls), longer if we have "news" to share or she needs advice on anything. We see each other about 3/4 times a year as her work week is Thursday- Monday and mine is Monday-Friday so we need to book A/L.

I’m 33 and I talk to my parents every week either in the family group chat or in the one I have set up with just my parents. Sometimes I will call. I see them at least fortnightly

I’m 33 though and this wasn’t the situation when I was 23. I reached out less, saw them less, enjoyed it less and resented it more. Depending on the age of your DC they’ll probably come around once they have had the chance to spread their wings a little

Dd lives a 45-60 minute drive away. I speak to her at least once a week plus text at least once a week, depending on what is going on, and we try to see each other once a month. She’s having her first dc in a few months so I imagine the contact to increase a lot! The other 3 are still at home 🙄

When mine went to Uni we had weekly calls. A few years down the line it's about every two weeks. They will answer WhatsApp messages within a day or so.

Contact with dd is sporadic rather than scheduled, she lives about 1.5 hours away. There’s usually some kind of message most days, it might be sending a reel or a link, if I haven’t heard from her for a while a photo of the dog initiates a response so I know she’s alive. Some days we’ll have multiple messages on a variety of platforms including family group chats.
If we call we will be on the phone for ages and we usually text to ask if a call is okay, if she phones without warning I presume some kind of emergency.
I see her sporadically too, I’ve seen her twice in the last few weeks but it was at least a couple of months before that, probably Easter.
I hear from her more when she’s got something to tell me, that might be about something at work, a new skirt she bought, the progress of her cold symptoms or some kind of gossip. She doesn’t message much to tell me nothing!

I ring my mum daily. Speak in the family group chat every day. See them at least once a week. I only live over the main road.

All the time unless Boyfriend is there then she will send us photos of where they are going and what they are eating out etc

if I haven’t heard from her for a while a photo of the dog initiates a response so I know she’s alive.

Yes, @Yikes101, my DD even asks for videos of the dog! Unfortunately, he's rather elderly now so getting him to do anything interesting is challenging. Yesterday I tried to lure him him onto the patio for a video - he looked at me from the back door, turned around and walked back inside. 😂

Ah yes, mine is ancient too, can I recommend amusing sleeping positions and snoring for your videos? 😂

@Yikes101 Yep, I've done a few of those. I did eventually lure him out with a treat...although watching him eat a treat isn't that fascinating either ;-) She seems to like them though.

DS had one of his unannounced visits today, he wanted to borrow a DVD (I didn’t think the youngies used them any more!), and to see if we wanted anything brought up to Scotland when he sees his Grandad in a week or so. They took some model trains that DGP bought on his last visit but had no luggage space for.
He brought his girlfriend with him, and she borrowed a book we were talking about (yes, they read books too - who knew?)
It’s nice that they feel welcome, and I really like to see them, but they’re often like a whirlwind shaking up my restful day.

Looking at your updates about messaging every day OP, maybe he feels he doesn’t need to make the effort if you’re constantly messaging him? It sounds a bit much.

Maybe focus on finding other things to occupy your time and give him a bit of space - I’m sure you’ll be the first to know if he’s not ok.

As I said previously myself and dd do tend to WhatsApp a few times a week but it’s not direct “are you ok” it’s more likely to be sending recipes we’ve enjoyed or funny dog videos etc, nothing that requires an answer most of the time. I can see when she’s online so I know she’s still alive basically and I’m just letting her get on with her life (we are much further into it than you are though and it gets easier)

We speak on the phone about once a week for a general catch up but more if something has happened or we're organising something. WhatsApp more often with news, photos etc and we're all on a few shared WhatsApp groups. He's 25 and lives 6 hrs away.

I’m in my early 60s. When I was in my 20s, student life, travelling, boyfriends etc I rung my parents once a week from a call box. I took them for granted but all young people do. I visited them occasionally. Now, with constant messaging we expect our kids to be in touch regularly. Problem is we may have the means to do this but ultimately kids are still selfish, self important etc. but we still love them.