How often do you hear from adult children after they move out?

[Hithismyname]

How often did you see or speak to your child once they moved out. I understand that the distance makes a huge difference but even a phone call, did they still bother?

I think a lot of current 20-somethings don't really do phone conversations. Maybe you need to have a chat with him and explain you would like more contact, whether it is messaging, or a weekly phone call or video chat?

@BeKhakiReader I have never rang him. I have messaged him.

Every day almost, it is usually a message or a instagram reel or nonsense but I have contact daily sometimes Dc 2 will ring on the way home from their work , I seem them on average once or twice a month depending on their shifts

DD might WhatsApp once a week - just a pic of her cat or something.
DS - no, he will usually reply to texts in a day or two
DS - he will call very occasionally if he needs something, otherwise nothing.

My mum can't catch a break.

She has me (eldest, 37) who will check in every day and send her random photos of the garden, her granddaughter, any DIY success that she might find cool, and I call her at least once a week to catch up because I feel time slipping through my fingers and never want her to feel lonely or forgotten.

On the other side she has my sister (27) who rarely texts unless it is to ask a question/favour and calls maybe once a month if my mum arranges it.

She's a complete introvert and would probably rather like a middle ground between the two approaches! 🤣

Okay but you know what I mean. If you initiate contact every day, he doesn’t need to. This is new to you, but I think you’ll see on here that most parents and adult children don’t have contact every day. It’s a tough transition period, I can remember.

OP - a lot of people don’t like making or receiving phone calls. WhatsApp is way better!

My uni dd and I message most days, not necessarily saying anything, but sharing funny videos, Facebook memories, or a quick WUU2. Let's see if my ds messages as much when he starts uni!
I tend to message my mum once or twice a week, but see her once a week too.

Child one, every day, child 2 never contacts me first but always happy to chat if I contact them.

I moved out in the mid 1960s and my parents were not on the phone til the mid 1970s. I went to see them every few weeks. After I moved out of the city I rang about once a month and went t see them twice a year. They died before there were smart phones.

It's sad but i think that's quite common for boys. I remember someone once said to me "a son's a son until he takes a wife but a daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life" afraid there's truth in that in a lot of cases

Before I had kids I visited my parents once a week in the evening and same for DHs parents. A few texts a week if we need each other or want to check in. My sister on the other hand calls my dad everyday on her way home from work and my other sister calls my mum at every minor inconvenience or any time she’s bored and probs sees her 3 times a week 😂 I won’t lie though I’ve always been painfully independent and I have to make a real effort to maintain this but i love it when I’m there!

But if you don’t like phone conversations, a forced and scheduled weekly call is not going to be fun. There are other ways.

Does he have a partner? I know it shouldn’t be the case but it normally improves once they have someone to remind them. He feels so comfortable in his relationship with you that he doesn’t feel the need to call you all the time and you did so well raising him he doesn’t need to be dependent on you. This is good but maybe tell him more check ins would be nice! You could offer to have him over for tea once a week or month

Younger adult daughter: every day
Older adult daughter: once or twice a week and almost always initiated by me

@Hithismyname my eldest dd is 34 and when she was 25 I hardly heard from her, i think she liked the independence of her new life and it took her a while to regularly stay in contact.

Just text your son back and forward keep in touch even if he takes days to answer

Have this coming. OP remember a lot can change. I was terrible in 20s, if all changed 30s onwards. He is peak living his own life.

Its good to know im not alone so I'm not going to take it personally. I think its just because im not used to it. I'm sure when things settle in we can start meeting a bit more even once a month.
I suppose its all new and stressful for him, new job, new town etc so dont want to put pressure on him

Speaking as someone who hates phone calls I’d also hate to receive a message every day. If anyone messaged me every single day I’d never feel the need to contact them first.

Some of us are built differently. We love our family and friends but we don’t need to be in constant contact with them.

I was terrible when I moved out - barely spoke to my parents in my twenties. Thirties though - we text daily & call every 7-10 days.

@OhBettyCalmDown the only messages are him sending me are you OK? And thats the only message or me sending him a message are u ok and thats it. I also dont like speaking on the phone but I think once a week or even a month is acceptable for catch up.

At that age my two ds weren't great. One went travelling and sent me the odd messahe letting mw know he was still alive!
But they are nearer 30 now and have got better. One calls me every weekend and comes home once a month, sometimes alone and often with his gf. The other is constantly calling and dropping by now as he lives closer. So they do improve.
But always through college etc l sent family news, funny stuff etc just to keep in touch and never demanded anything except a message when they are abroad.
My dd , on the other hand calls regularly and sends me constant bits of news.
Try not to keep on to him. Keep yourself busy as they like when youre busy as it means they don't have to worry about you

Every couple of weeks, more if work is quiet for them (they pop round unannounced about once a month).
They’re 24 and 22

I have 6 children my youngest is 18 and he is still at home, our 21 year old is in the army and he phones when he can and drives home if he had a few days off, our 30 year old we talk or message every day as he is having a tough time for the past year, our 34 year old messages daily and I'm constantly in contact with his wife as we get on really well, our daughter is awful with her phone but she will send a meme or 2 every day but getting a reply to a message or phone call is awful but she is always there in an emergency, I used to have a half hour call with my eldest every day but things have been very strained and I have taken a step back not that I want too but because I need to protect my own mental health (long story)
We as a family have been through traumas that no family should have to endure and it's made us thankful for each other, and it's given us all a warped humour.

OP you are going to get the extremes from posters but I think it’s all down to personality with my three. One I hear from often ie most days ,I have another living in London and hear from him maybe once every couple of weeks and always replies eventually ! The third lives in Australia and he either replies and calls regularly or it might be a month 😭I tend to put pics and news on family WhatsApp inc the WC and then everyone was engaging. It’s tricky with adult children to get the balance right but generally all good here 🙏