In-laws wont stop being so self centred!

[KMoo22]

Iv posted before about my in-laws and how demanding the have been with me and the baby. He’s 10 weeks this week and 1000% exclusively breastfed and has been since day 1.

Multiple arguments have gone on quite regular, WEEKLY to be precise as they seemed to be in denial and refusing to accept home truths or boundaries we put in place. It goes quite for a few days then next visit it starts all over again and I’m a person who stands my ground firmly!
We had quite a large argument this weekend as the in-laws became pushy with the baby again, demanding to see him at x-time until x-time. I accidentally caught on a phone call between my FIL and my Boyfriend to which the FIL said
“ she needs to stop being so selfish and psychotic with this baby. She is clearly struggling and breastfeeding is not working she needs to stop being so selfish and let us help feed the baby and take care of him. Mums fed up as she feels shes not allowed to be involved with caring for him. She would love to give him bottles when you visit and to be able to feed him. Why cant she just tit feed when she’s at home and then give him a bottle then we can all help and feel more involved with this baby, she could let him sleep over then and everyone else can enjoy him too. We don't see why we need to ask for permission to see or spend time with this baby, he belongs to everybody not just her. Mum feels she is being left out with the caring for this baby”

THE RAGE
The absolute RAGE that filled my body within is indescribable. I feel so pressured into giving up breastfeeding for someone else's selfish, self centred satisfaction. How many times do they have to be told that they are being incredibly SELFISH and CONTROLLING. Why so much pressure to make me change how the baby is fed!!! Why should I stop when the MIL exclusively breast fed all of her children!!!! I feel horrible as my partner is trapped in the middle, he’s tried talking to them, reasoning and it goes back to square one every single time. Grandma this, Grandma that, Grandmas upset, Grandma wants this or that. I hate it. Im so fed up and anxious. I can’t tolerate the outbursts anymore as its just pushed me to feel like I gave birth too a baby that was intended for them and their pleasure and not for me. I feel like I’m just the wet nurse. I waited for so many years to have a baby, I lost one in 2017 to my ex and then promised myself I would wait until the time was right and I met the right man. 2018 I met my current partner. I never realised when I became a parent with my partner; that his parents also automatically decided that they had a right to be the babies parents too. Its gone from excited first time grandparents to overbearing annoying people who dont like the word NO.

I have never known a more RUDE, selfish bunch as them in my life. The say we want to be good Grandparents. BACK OFF THEN, BACK OFF AND ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE GROWN UP AND HAD THEIR OWN, BUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR OWN CHILDREN TO TAKE CHARGE OF SO STOP TRYING TO TAKE OVER. IT IS YOUR SONS BABY NOT YOURS.

(In my dreams id love to scream that at them but I wouldn’t dream of it as I'm too polite).

@oneOff12 shes brilliant, she said last time I saw her that if things were still ropey between us all she would speak to him providing he was here. I think coming from a health care professional it should sink it better

Why are you entertaining this at all? I would never see these people again and not let them within 5ft of my child. It's all about them and they have no respect for you as your child's mother, let alone as a person. Your child is only 10 weeks old and they've already got a massive list of demands and things they want you to compromise on against your better judgment. This will only get worse as your child gets older and hits more milestones that they want to overshadow to feed their egos.

You sound like you're doing a great job and I really hope they haven't put a dampener on your experience of motherhood so far.

And what did your partner respond?

Your Health Visitor sounds great!

So after his dressing down, what is your partner going to do to support you on this?

@Calphurnia88 @iRun2eatCake

My partner was quite taken back. Then said if my mum says anything this weekend I'll tell her, I just said best get letting her know then that I was a weekend to myself!

Bloody hell. And I thought my in-laws were bad. Whatever you do, do not give up breastfeeding your baby because of them. This sort of thing would actually encourage me to continue bf just out of pure pettiness!

I really feel for you but try to focus on you and your baby and if they won't respect your rules and boundaries then cut off contact for now completely.

These weeks are precious and go by so quickly. Don't let them ruin this for you.

TIT FEED???!
They want to “enjoy” your baby?
He “belongs to everyone”?
Nope, that outburst would be the last straw for me. Goodbye in-laws, you could have had a relationship with your grandchild but you blew it.

Hope you got and are enjoying your weekend OP!

@Ihaveamagicwand yeaaa i enjoyed it for the most part.

I actually dropped my partner off at his parents today for football and I restricted them seeing him to 10 minutes only and I sat in the car.
His dad came out to try flag me down and I totally ignored him, I want nothing to do with him until he apologises.

His mum for the better part made a conscious effort to come to the car when I was leaving and said she's apologised and said shes never really said how proud of me for continuing to breastfeed as he's thriving and healthy. And shes proud of how well were doing as parents. Id say I BELIEVE her, but frankly im yet to see further action from them both

Soooo it appears all has gone quiet!
Well for now anyways, we seem to have gotten past all the selfish behaviour thank god.

Next step is to tackle next year, my sisters wedding original plan was for him to sleep over at my partners mum and dads for the night but if he's still breast feeding which he will be he'll need to come back in the evening after he's spent a day with them. Im dreading telling them 😩😩

@KMoo22 I was with you at first OP but the more I read the more I'm seeing them as only part of the problem here.
I get you're anxious - I had PNA as well but I was never this neurotic or possessive and I never stood in the way of my child spending time with her grandparents without me there to 'supervise' them.
It's not about them being alone with your son, it's about them being trusted to care for their Grandson unsupervised. You say you don't trust them but you fail to give any good reason as to why your child would come to any harm in their care?

Yes, they've been a bit OTT but we're only hearing your side of this and your side seems to be all about you with barely any mention of your husband. This might be hard to hear but your child is not just yours, he is just as much your DH's child as he is yours. So if your husband decides to allow your son to be with his parents alone then you have no say in the matter. Same would apply vice versa.
Do you not think that the way things stand between you & them has perhaps made you hyper critical of them? For example, you complained about MIL commenting how your DS looks like your DH when he was a baby - which I'd say is a perfectly normal, non-offensive (& almost expected) thing for a paternal Grandmother to say? It would (& very much did & still does, make me smile when my DD's grandmother says it about my DD as her father has passed away). Yet it seemed to really anger you. So it sounds like it's reached the stage where anything she says, annoys & angers you?

My husband died when our child was very small and it turned me inside out having to travel to see his parents (they're too frail to travel), but I did it because my DD had every right to see her Grandparents, despite their flaws & their overbearing nature.

Re: your DH's conversation with his father which you overheard, if your DH didn't immediately leap to your defence then I'd say it's pretty clear that he agrees, at least in part, with the overall point his DF was trying to make (not how it was rudely said, of course). I would imagine DH probably feels torn but is frightened of going against you as he knows you'll push him out as well.

I guess what I'm saying, is that nobody is going to harm your baby! You & them are on the same page (or at least the same chapter), love the same child and only want what is best for him. They're just not going about it in a respectful way and dare I say it, neither are you?

Anyway, I hope you don't take offence at this as it's just my observation. Either way I hope it sorts itself out one way or another

You wouldn't have any right to stop them seeing them unless your husband also felt the same. The father is 50% parent, Geez.

@KMoo22 I restricted them seeing him to 10 minutes only

WTH??? You have no right to do this. Your child is not an object, he is not your possession! Wow. I gave you the benefit of the doubt before I saw this, now I'm gobsmacked. Your DH must be mortified. That's appalling behaviour. You need to approach some kind of counselling or something because this isn't right. That poor child