Son being told he smells

[TennisBallx]

My son comes home from school most days telling me children tell him he smells, he showers every single morning, clean uniform every morning, sprays deodorant/anti persistent, aftershave, body sprays, brushes teeth etc but he still tells me they say he smells, what is going on?? It’s making him super paranoid and he’s spending ages in the shower in the morning (making all my hot water run out) making himself late for school, spraying deodorant on himself for ages including his hair?! His bag?? Hes now being late for school as it’s taking so much time. Are they just being mean I don’t know what’s going? He doesn’t smell to me

Are these kids just saying that he "smells" or that he "smells of..." something? The vagueness of the first option makes me think he's being bullied. I would speak to the school.

I've had a similar thing recently with my DD, one classmate said she had nits and then the rest of them sat in class with their hoods up to protect themselves and then questioned her on her hygiene. She's only in primary. The class only got away with it in the moment because it was a supply teacher that day who did fuck all to help. Kids were read the riot act the following day.

I think they are just being mean, how can he smell if he's this super clean and you can't smell anything, they can see a reaction so probably don't have a clue as to how upset this makes him, he's doing really well in being so good about showering and clean clothes, can he go to something else and make new friends, my son went to karate and made new friends, and how to respect himself, something else to focus on,

It is exactly this.

Has your child just moved to year 8? (or year 7 and one of the oldest?) High school is a nightmare to many kids. For many it is about surviving. Once your child starts to be bullied it can be a nightmare, never be afraid to move them. My son moved twice in high school, until we found the right one for him. A happy child is one that can learn.

It sounds less likely that he has a body odour at the start of the day problem, but he may have a cleaning after the toilet issue. Sometimes urine, or even stool remnants, gets into underwear if people don't properly ensure they are fully dry, and by lunch time he may be a bit whiffy. There's also something called Trimethylaminuria which cannot be helped by washing... It's sort of a fishy smell and is something to do with enzymes in the body. I know an adult mother and son who are lovely but the smell can be overpowering.

OP it’s unlikely he smells bad given all the things kids said, it’s most likely just arsehole kids being mean. Give him lots of reassurance and that going overboard the other way with sprays etc isn’t the answer.

OP, I feel for your little boy. This is, without doubt, bullying. From what you’ve said, there’s no way that your son smells. They are unkind children and I would be contacting the school. The long term effect these words could have on your child don’t bear thinking about. I’m a mum of three (twin boys) and a teacher. I’d be taking steps to protect my child from this kind of bullying before it takes a more serious toll on his mental health.

It's bullying, whether he actually smells or not. But it's a good idea to find out if somebody outside your home can smell anything so you can either rule it out for his peace of mind, or figure out a solution.

My son is 12 and started to stink of BO virtually overnight! He can shower and smell soon after. We now make sure that he uses an antiperspirant, rather than deodorant and that he waits until his underarms are dry before putting it on. He was getting out of the shower and spraying himself while he was still damp. Now he uses a roll on but waits a while before applying. It's made a big difference.

Another thought is that my older dd, who is very good with hygiene, can sometimes smell bad because she sprays her clothes with perfume or body spray and the clothes smell stale soon after. It's the fabric that smells, even though it's clean. It actually makes me gag. Could it be something like this? That was my thought when I read that he uses various sprays.

Aww the poor thing, and that must break your heart. Two sides to it. There was a lad i went to primary school with and the same thing happened. Unfortunately for him he did smell a bit but it came out as the day went on, he got really upset about it and I always felt sorry for him when people would say thigs (I never did obv but remember him saying something similar like he got a shower all the time and there wasn't any reason why he'd smell, a kid shouldn't have to say that bless them). I guess we'll never know but I think it must have been a strange sweat smell that he did grow out of. However, some kids are awful and they might just be saying it to your son as an 'in joke'. If he reacted to a daft insult once, they might have picked up on that and think its funny to just keep saying it to wind him up even if theres no truth in it. Agree with asking someone else, what about a nice parent or if there's a nice kid you/he trusts trust in the class, speaking to them somehow after school (as long as they can promise total confidence and it wouldn't get back to other classmates) and see if they know if the bullies are just joking to wind him up or if they have genuinely noticed it too, especially as the day goes on if the main thing.
Also if it is sweat, I find the powder sticks (Sure sell them) are SO much more effective than deodorant sprays or those wet roll ons, obv fresh boxers and socks each day goes without saying, maybe even changing throughout day if it is a problem, and totally normal!

Apologies if this has been said, scanned your responses and didn’t see anything.

How’s your diet? Do you eat a garlic or spice rich diet? Could it be that?

Contact school and ask to speak to his head of year/pastoral lead/form tutor (whoever you’re supposed to liaise with). Tell them what’s happening. Ask them to be honest - they will know if he smells or not and they will be honest with you, so then you’ll know if these are legitimate concerns or other kids bullying him. If it’s the latter, then the school need to tackle it so that’s the next conversation.

one of my very good friends smells of damp and mustyness very strongly but I don’t dare tell her. She lives in an old house it must be damp?
is your house old?

Teenagers need to use a face cloth to wash under their armpits. Just using body wash on the hands doesn’t work. Also a decent deodorant. Mine use the green spray can’t think what it is called but it is the best. Lynx is rubbish. Does his blazer need a wash?

Deodorant applied after a shower just before bed is most effective.

Common, but not necessarily obvious, reasons for smelliness:

• lingering cooking smells clinging to clothes
• smelly unwashed winter coat
• not scrubbing the upper back in the shower
• greasy unwashed hair
• dribbling pee in pants
• wearing polyester against the skin and/or sweaty PU shoes

thanks all as said his blazer is washed just not every single day, its washed at the weekends, i’d consider that normal, like you don’t wash a coat every day? his jumper shirt and trousers are fresh every day he wears a clean set, he spends an hour in the shower in the morning scrubbing himself like i said he is very paranoid now so it’s not a case of him not washing, he says they still say it no matter what he does. he doesn’t have many friends at school he is autistic and doesn’t talk to a lot of children but has a couple of friends.

Your son in all likelihood smells perfectly fine. He is being bullied. You should speak to someone at his school, perhaps the SEN lead or his form teacher about it. If, indeed, he actually does smell, she can let you know. But if it's something that's just being made up by other children (including the turning his name into a slur), the school should address that.

This. I’d be willing to bet money your poor DS does not smell. You’re both looking for solutions in the wrong places. He is not the problem - these other kids are, because they are bullies.

It sounds like bullying - I remember at school some kids would be called "dirty" or that they "stank" because of things totally unrelated to hygiene (being scruffy; having bad acne or dandruff). It wasn't a comment on someone's literal body odour, just kids being thoughtless and unkind. Schoolyard bullying can also nurture a pack mentality too - one person might say something, then their friends follow suit, and then it sticks even if it's totally baseless.

If you are concerned there is something there, might it be hormonal rather than hygiene related? Teen/pre-teen hormones are a wild thing and it could be that despite a diligent hygiene routine at home, sweating throughout the day leaves an odour. There are deodorants that can help with excessive or strong smelling perspiration, and ensuring he has shirts that are e.g. cotton rather than polyester blend would help too.

It sounds like you are very caring and supportive. I hope he is okay.

OP this will only get worse if he's autistic. Talk to the school and find him a safe place to go at break time and lunch time. At least then he doesn't have to hang around nasty kids.

They sense he's different and they will target him. Especially also if he's autistic he'll be prone to OCD and spending an hour in the shower is suggesting that his cleaning is getting out of hand, auts can become obsessive when they've been traumatised. I would change school if this goes on. Tell him repeatedly that he smells wonderful, the boys are shits and none of this is his fault.

Between the ages of 11-16, kids turn into the cruelest nastiest shittiest humans you can imagine. I'd get him out, rather than having him turn on himself, which is what they are making him do, he's turning their hatred of themselves and their insecurities on him. It's heart breaking. Don't let them break him. Please.

Also, if he is logical, ask him to do an experiement. Wear completely clean clothes one day and see if they say anything. The next day, wear them again and see if they say anything. If they continue saying the same thing, he will know, it's them, not him. He could also ask a pharmacist in boots or a member of public to sniff him and tell him honestly if he smells. That way you'd get a neutral person to reassure him. It's important he learns it's them, not him who is at fault. I would also ask the teachers to do a sniff test. It's so important that he gets validation that it's not him, it's them. Or he will turn this inwards and hate himself. And that's so awful for a kid of 12. You must nip it in the bud. He need reassurance from trusted adults. Even a GP appointment. Anyone with authority who can reassure him who he know would speak the truth and it's their job to do so.

My uncle used to smell he bathed every day. Got him somthing called clinisept body wash. Made a massive difference somthing to do the bacteria build up on the skin normal body wash didn’t get rid of. I have to say I have heightened sense of smell it used to make me gag. Might be also worth speaking to GP. Good luck

Check his footwear and socks aren’t holding smells.

I used to go to school with a guy who’s parents used a tonne of garlic in every meal and he never smelt of BO or stinky feet but you could smell garlic a mile off and it wasn’t nice! However we weren’t unkind to him.

I suspect it is the cat peeing on the laundry...with the candlestick in the utility room!!😎

Your poor lad.

The likelihood is that he doesn't and the kids are being twats. If he's using so much spray, it might be because he's using too much. Like nicknaming the giant friend tiny. In any case, it's worth having a word with the school. It's not nice having to go to a place every day where you're teased mercilessly.

On the off-chance that he does, and it's hormones, then get him some panoxyl bar soap. Get him to really lather it up and give his body a proper scrub. The benzoyl peroxide in it will kill any smell-causing bacteria. Then get him a real antiperspirant, not body spray, and get him to put it on at night. The antiperspirant coats the pores and means that the sweat can't get out (it's not actually the sweat that smells, the smell is the byproduct of the bacteria that metabolise the sweat). His body should be all set.

It also, again assuming there is a smell, could be clothes. Cooler washes alone are not enough to get rid of some smells. In this case, I recommend spray the underarm areas with a little vodka.

Same with the blazer. Give the underarms a spray with vodka. Particularly great for clothes that aren't easily cleaned. I promise you won't leave him smelling like vodka!

He’s being bullied. He won’t be smelling