At what age did your son start using the men's toilets alone?

[PurpleRain2486]

My son is now 12 and still comes into the women's toilets with me when we're out, not something I've really thought about as it became our usual routine when out. but as he's getting older I'm just wondering if it's still practical. He's autistic (high functioning) and independent with toileting, but can be a little vulnerable and less aware in certain situations.
I'm wondering if at 12 he's now too old to be coming into the women's and should be using the men's while I wait outside.
Interested to hear from mums of boys in general, as well as those with autistic/SEND children — what age did you make the switch, and how did you manage it?

Mine was younger than that but doesn't have SEND/Autism. If you feel he's vulnerable, I'd just get him to use the disabled toilet if one is available.

About 10, which I think is slightly older than normal but he was very small at 10 and quite timid. No SEN

Around 9 with no SEN

Honestly I bought a radar key he is too vulnerable unless its a self contained toilet like on the train

When I use the toilet I pick toilets he can stand near like the train or morrisons there is a quiet area outside the toilet block (outside the doors not in the actual toilets area) give him his phone he fixates on it for long enough for me to pee and run out

I actually prefer our heritage railway set up they have a waiting room before the toilets i can put him there

Wtf?
12 is too old.
My 9 year old daughter would be extremely upset to come across your son in the toilets.
Use the disabled toilet.
My 5 yr old ADHD son uses the men's and refuses to come into the ladies.
I wait outside and if he hasnt come out in three mins I shout in or get a man coming out to go back in and check on him. Occasionally I will just walk into the men's to check on him. This is young for Mumsnet standards but I'm happy with the decision. I would be surprised to see a boy over 8 in the ladies.
He must be a secondary school now? Is it mainstream? How does he cope?

Forgot his age! 10 was when I started with the radar key he is 13 now and just going to train toilets and Starbucks/costa kinda independently (im outside) as they are single cubicle ones

Your 12 year old son should not be in the women’s toilets. You can get a radar key or use the disabled toilet for him

My son is only 6 now but i’d say 8/9/10 would be my cut off. My 9 year old daughter would be awkward if there was a boy in the ladies her age or older. How does your son feel?

8 is the standard age I would say.

you have your reasons for him not using the men’s, but this is a disability so he should be using the disabled. It is not right for 12 year old girls that they could bump in to their class mate in a toilet.

At 12 you take him into the ladies toilet? It has never crossed your mind to have your disabled child use the disabled toilet?

A 12 year old boy should not be in the women’s toilets, it’s really not appropriate and will be making girls uncomfortable. If he needs support using the toilet he should be using the disabled toilet instead.

Thank you for all your replies. Sorry forgot just to add if a disabled toilet is available that us definitely my go to ( have a radar key) . My concern is really just his vulnerability and his safety in the men's toilets, he wouldn't speak out if something was to happen. I recently purchased a small wrist alarm as want to transition him over. I do get that an older boy in the female toilets can make some women/ children uncomfortable etc and everyone had different views. But yeah my main concern is his safely and if anything was to happen

5 is way too young and bloody dangerous. ADHD isn’t the same as autism surely you know that, and he probably needs more help. I’m still
surprised you’re happy with a 5 year old going in men’s toilets. You shouldn’t be walking in them. Op should use a disabled toilet though.

Well my son is an adult with autism and learning difficulties........I sometimes have to bring him into the ladies with me when I need the toilet. I put him into a neighbouring cubicle and tell him to lock the door.

This is because despite the fact it's 2026 disabled toilets do not cater for the fact that adults with disabilities usually have carers in tow who may also need the toilet. No privacy is provided for this, not even a curtain so the only option is he has to come in with me whilst I go and I refuse to do this. It's humiliating, uncomfortable and undignified.

And no. He can't stand outside any toilet, he'd be off over the hills and far away !

You just do what feels right and safe for your son. It doesn't really matter what anyone else does.

As soon as he could toilet independently and not mess about, so six.

9 but I would wait outside reading to run in and scream bloody murder😅 If he took longer than some of the men going in I used to stand outside freaking out. I’d agree with using disabled toilets x

Absolutely agree

At our swimming lessons 8 and above have to use their designated changing rooms

Honestly id simply never thought of this much to my now embarrassment. I thought the curtain in the disabled toilet was to give greater privacy for the user as the DT. can be straight of the corridor . Not that it maybe for two people in the cubicle. what was I thinking.

Also re 2026 the simple lack of public toilets in general is disgraceful.

Are there not always disabled toilets wherever there are toilets?

If your 12 year old daughter would be upset to see a boy how do you think grown men using a urinal feel to see and hear you just popping in?

Both of my sons started using the mens from about 8 or 9. About the same time they started changing in the boys room when we went to swimming lessons. Still used the family changing cubicles if we went to the local pool together at that stage.

This is not ok.

He should be using the appropriate toilets at 12.

If he still needs support at this age due to his disability, then he should be using the appropriate toilets which are the disabled toilets.

You are deeply selfish and not considering the privacy and dignity of other users.

Stop it.

Another case of only women’s privacy mattering.

That's ridiculous.
I absolutely do not want 12 year old males in womens' toilets.

Use the family facilities instead of making women consider their behaviour in womens' spaces.