At what age did your son start using the men's toilets alone?

[PurpleRain2486]

My son is now 12 and still comes into the women's toilets with me when we're out, not something I've really thought about as it became our usual routine when out. but as he's getting older I'm just wondering if it's still practical. He's autistic (high functioning) and independent with toileting, but can be a little vulnerable and less aware in certain situations.
I'm wondering if at 12 he's now too old to be coming into the women's and should be using the men's while I wait outside.
Interested to hear from mums of boys in general, as well as those with autistic/SEND children — what age did you make the switch, and how did you manage it?

Very weird!

Its not weird asking a stranger to go in and check? Most men arnt predators i had one check my son was ok without me asking specifically i was standing outside looking concerned he popped his head in came out said he is just washing his hands and went in to tcb he was a father though maybe that made a difference

My autistic DS was going into the mens sometimes from about 5 - he was using the toilet unaided at home and at school at that there were certain places that I would still take him into the ladies until he was 8 but mostly once he could mange alone it was the mens.

About 8. I think 12 is too old, if he can’t use the men’s due to his SEN then the accessible toilets should be used. Unfair to women and girls for him to use the female toilets.

It’s weird

Most men aren't predators.
? Only the ones with a large P branded on their forehead ?
And of course men who are fathers are quite safe.
Aren't they...?

Dont be bloody ridiculous.
Disabled child with his mother vs women. We women can cope perfectly well thanks.

Sending a five year old boy into the mens toilet alone is awful!

She’s literally asking advice so clearly isn’t a cunt. Unlike……

I completely understand your reasoning OP. I'd assume any boy with their mother has such reasons for being in there and wouldn't be concerned. If anyone is assuming he's there as a predator with his mum, they're very much the ones with a problem! I can understand girls nearer his own age being uncomfortable with it though so I think I'd only take him in if it is empty. Anybody coming in after can then choose to wait outside if they prefer, not like you're going to be in there long.

My son is 7. I'm trying to encourage him now in some places but he's reluctant. Like pp I'm a single parent so he hasn't been in any of the gents toilets in the places we usually go (I assume he does with his dad but I don't get the impression they are often anywhere it would come up- usually local cafes with single unisex cubicles and the like). I've been wondering how to push him a bit to do it before it becomes inappropriate.

I love the shopping centre in our closest city for its big "family cubicles"

After the 11 year old got attacked in the fast food toilet, a lot of women round here seemed to change their minds, but up until then, it was about ten.

There are some who use the disabled despite their kids/them not having any disability, leaving those with genuine problems in agony, or having accidents-a lady with bowel disease had to wait while 3 people without used it (not all are visible I know, but these 3 definitely didn't), so that is a real problem. More single stalls would help avoid this issue, but usually places have a gents/ladies and just one accessible toilet.

It’s tough when there’s disability involved, although generally I think, unfortunately, the rights of women to single sex facilities does trump the needs of an individual man or boy.

12 is absolutely too old for women’s changing room. Toilets there’s maybe a bit more room for nuance, if he is discreet, not staring, you tell/ask occupants in advance, and you’re in and out.

The case of the pp with the disabled adult son sounds really difficult but it’s simply not appropriate to take him into women’s toilets unless staff can help you ensure they are and stay empty while they are in.

I agree. He is a child at 12 and vulnerable so if he’s accompanied by his mum I don’t see the harm - it’s not like there are urinals in girls toilets for bits to be seen by all and sundry! My eldest is 10, youngest 7 and I have taught my boys to only use men’s where I am comfortable with the environment. Places like busy motorway service stations etc are a no no. First stop disabled but if that’s not an option then they’ll be coming to the ladies with me for their safety. OP he’s your child, do what you and he are comfortable with!

Mine are 8 and 10, and it depends where we are.

So will caveat this by saying my DS grew up overseas where basically they are expected to use the correct toilet as soon as the can do so independently, and certainly by school age, so about 5/6. On visits to the uk I was a bit more cautious in places like airports and stations. I remember him using the men’s at Heathrow for the first time when he was 8 as he didn’t want to come in the women’s. Kid friendly places like soft plays it would have been earlier.

I always told him that if anyone tries to talk to you just say you’re not allowed to talk to strangers. If they persist just walk out.

I work with sex offenders, I wouldn't be sending a 5 year old into public men's toilets unaccompanied.

12 is too old though

Whatever do you think a 12yo boy with ASD with his MUM is doing to females? Nothing.

Me and my dd used to sandwich ds between us, putting a pink hat on his head so nobody realised he was male in the female toilets. He has mild autism and was not ok alone.

I am really sorry for your situation but no way should your son be using the female toilets. You are making the problem you have everyone else’s.

Again, not the fault of women and girls who do not want to share with a male over the age of 8/9/10.

12 might be a bit old, but letting your 5 year old (with ADHD) go into bathrooms alone and getting random strange men to check on him is really dangerous. Please have a think about this - a disability bathroom is a one obvious solution.

@TheDevilFindsWorkForIdleMums same! X

5...

He can use the toilet himself, so why not? There is usually only one way in and out, so he can't go anywhere.. (where I live) there isn't any obvious dangers, and the chance of something like sexual assault is lower in a random toilet than in a lot of "safer" places that we wouldn't worry about.

but that is without any additional needs.

I think the fear around sexual assult in mens toilets is a bit misleading in general. 90% of sexual assault on Children is done by people they already knew - being assaulted by a stranger is very unlikely. And in terms of location the research is clear that the most common and risky locations are:

Family environments
Schools
Sports clubs
Religious institutions
(+ online environments)

Public toilets don't even really enter the discussion.

About 8 I think. 12 is too old in my opinion.

My son starting using toilets alone around 9 years old. He didn’t want to come into the ladies and was quite happy going in there. I would always wait right outside.