At what age did your son start using the men's toilets alone?

[PurpleRain2486]

My son is now 12 and still comes into the women's toilets with me when we're out, not something I've really thought about as it became our usual routine when out. but as he's getting older I'm just wondering if it's still practical. He's autistic (high functioning) and independent with toileting, but can be a little vulnerable and less aware in certain situations.
I'm wondering if at 12 he's now too old to be coming into the women's and should be using the men's while I wait outside.
Interested to hear from mums of boys in general, as well as those with autistic/SEND children — what age did you make the switch, and how did you manage it?

My son is 8 and uses the men’s toilets. I stand outside and wait.
sounds like you’re doing the rights things.

Depends where. My DS were both very clear from about 6 they did not want to go in the ladies. Very occasionally if I felt it was unsafe I’d insist but they would not like it.

As an aside, I think autism needs to be split in to severity categories with different words. There are those who can’t really function, and those who you don’t even realise unless they tell you.

Not at all, some places don't have them and sometimes the key doesn't always work and you can't get in.

My 3 from about 7. At that age they had a clear preference not to be in the ladies toilets.

12 is far too old to be in the toilets of the opposite sex.

Do you have a radar key? Easily available on Amazon.

My 7yo austic son uses the men's bathroom alone x

10

It would depend on where the toilets are etc but around 7 if it's somewhere I would deem safe like a cafe or restaurant or the cinema where I can see the toilets.

My ds is 8 and he is mainly still coming into the toilets with me, although he’s increasingly asking to use the men’s. He turns 9 soon so I’ll be encouraging him to use the men’s toilets from this point on.

I would say around 8. 12 is way too old.

One son wanted to age 6 but I didnt let him til 8. The other preferred coming with me, but reliably goes to the mens just turned 11. I am a single parent though and they have never had cause to go in the mens (like some would with their dad)

Mine was 8. He has SEN but I explained over and over the risks and what he had to do etc sometimes I got him to check if there was anyone in there and if there was wait or I’d say loudly ‘I’m right here” “don’t be long” or even “Dad’s just coming” even if he wasn’t!

I agree that a 12yo male shouldn’t be in the ladies. It’s definitely time to transition!

My ds is autistic and we started at 10 but obviously it’s individual. He was fine going to the toilet independently and had been in the mens many times with his dad. I just wait out side. If I’m not keen we use disabled toilet (both registered disabled)

Given that he is autistic I think I would try to plan ahead where possible.
When leaving the house routine. Coat hat loo.
Then if in a shopping centre or railway station try to find a cafe or coffee shop that has a self contained loo with wash basin.
So no men hanging about in a men only area.
All the best.

Mine was 7 too and also likely has autism.

Transition male to female?

Inappropriately too old by some margin. My son was independent in the toilets out and about by 7-8 or so as long as someone was waiting outside.

About 7 but no SEN

Had a family member child seriously sexually assaulted in a male toilet. It was, is and will always be fucking horrific and he will likely be affected for the rest of his life. He was 8.

So my children only go in accompanied by my husband if he is with them. Never alone.
If they are with me, I stand outside and wait.
From aged around 11 they can go in alone with me outside.
Before that age, they come with me to the women’s. Don’t give a flying fuck who is offended by this, their safety is my priority.

I would not wish what happened to my relative on any family.

My boys are autistic but they’ve refused to use the ladies toilets since they were about 8/9 so since then

Around age 8. I waited directly outside.
I'd be getting your ds to use the disabled toilet at his age.

12 is far too old. I have called out a couple of boys ( very loudly in order to embarrass them) for doing this.

I think you should do what you want. What harm is done by a 12 year old boy accompanied by his DM. Don’t know why everyone gets so upset about it.

Asking a a stranger to go in and check on your child is weird.