Letting baby cry herself to sleep

[KimBots]

I'm a first time mum to a beautiful baby girl 💖

She is 7 weeks old and can usually settle herself to sleep for daytime naps with no problems.

However when it comes to actual bedroom at night, she struggles to sleep. She shows cues of being tired, but can't.

I've tried helping her, but it doesn't work. The routine hasn't changed, but she seems more unsettled.

I change her, feed her, bump her, let her cuddle with me (this works for daytime naps), play soft lullabies in the background, dress her in appropriate clothing (light if it's warm) and have the lamp on so it's not too bright or dark.

She lets me hold her, but it doesn't seem o make any difference.

People have said it's normal for a baby's sleep pattern to change and they can cry for no reason. She's not ill or anything like that.

I've tried everything I can think of. A friend suggested just letting her cry it out. I tried everything and left the bedroom and stayed in the living room. I had her monitor with me so I could see what she was doing. She cried for ages, but she did fall asleep.

I feel guilty because I don't like seeing and hearing her cry. But at the same time I can't think of anything else I can do.

Is this OK?

It’s down to opinion really, but my opinion is no, it is not ok. She’s way too young for this at 7 weeks old! And she shouldn’t be sleeping in a different room to you anyway. She’s too young for routine or to be left on her own to cry.

I have so much compassion for you OP, I totally understand you are struggling in the thick of things. That said, please do not do the cry it out method. All it teaches babies is that no one comes when they cry so they stop crying but it doesn't actually take away whatever they are feeling.
It could be that she's just going through a wee stage at the moment and she'll get through it.

firstly congratulations, I hope you’re doing ok.
Personally I’d say 7 weeks old is too young to leave them to cry. If you instinctively want to comfort her then go and comfort her, you are the only thing she knows as safety right now. How is her feeding going? Could it be something upsetting her/she’s uncomfortable or in pain?
I follow second star to the right on Instagram and she helped me with my sons sleep when he was 6 months. Cry it out isn’t part of her practice and I found her incredibly helpful and knowledgeable, maybe give her a follow? xx

No I wouldn’t let her cry on her own. Hold her while she cries if she cries, but she’s too young to be left.

Is the lamp too bright? All of mine would settle at that age very easily as long as the room was dark. We would use a very dim night light.

Having said that, I have twins and one of them liked to cry a little before sleep and I couldn’t always hold him as I had another baby to sort. But I’d always be in the room and reassure with touch or my voice. It was no longer than three or four minutes though. His brother now likes to have a good old shout as he falls asleep and I still stroke his leg or foot so he knows I’m there (he hates being cuddled to sleep!).

How long do you think she cried for?

Not at 7 weeks old. She’s still tiny.

Sometimes they do seem to need a good cry, don’t they? As adults maybe we sometimes do too!
In answer to your question, no I wouldn’t leave her alone to cry, but yes I would ‘allow’ her to cry iyswim while I was there. I’d get her all ready for sleep and pop her in her basket/sidecar crib/whatever, then I’d sit right there with her stroking and shushing and patting and smiling gently, so she knew she was safe and well. Our younger one seemed to do best like that - she’d seem slightly affronted if I picked her up 😂 but I definitely wanted to be there with her and in physical contact with her, albeit while she was lying down.

Also she’s too young to be left in a room alone to sleep, you should be in the room with her

No don't leave her to cry. She's tiny.

Hi OP! Lots of people will come on here and tell you that you will damage your baby by doing this - there is no evidence of this! Read Emily Oster on sleep. There is no evidence anecdotally or otherwise that your baby will ‘learn to think that no one is coming’ if you give them some time to settle themselves. Obviously make sure that theyre clean, fed, warm etc.
With our youngest she would cry herself to sleep whether we were holding her or not, it was just her way. We found setting a timer helped - sometimes it would feel like an hour but you'd look and it had been 90seconds. I wouldn’t leave a 7 week old for too long but I wouldn’t feel bad about giving her a chance to do this in safe, happy surroundings. You could go in at increasing intervals and see if that helps.

Letting your baby learn how to fall asleep independently is a great thing for everyone in the long run, in my opinion.

I would put her in the wrap or baby carrier and rock her until she fell asleep. Or I’d get a rocking chair downstairs and rock her whole you chill and watch tv and then transfer her once’s she’s deeply asleep. Add in some white noise and some rhythmic bum patting (no idea why they love this but they all seem too!). I always sing or hum the same lullaby on repeat too. It definitely builds a strong association as they get older.

Don’t let people put the fear of “bad habits” into you. Mine have all been breastfed to sleep and coslept with me since birth. They all fall asleep fine. My eldest has slept through the night for years now. My middle one sometimes sleeps through now at age 3. Youngest waking a couple of times a night at 18 months. All very normal. Basically I did everything “wrong” and they all sleep just fine.

There isn’t always a silver bullet to sleep woes, sometimes it’s a case of doing whatever needs to be done in order for everyone to get maximum sleep even if it’s not perfect. There’s plenty of time to change things gradually as they get older.

I highly recommend the brilliant Lyndsey Hookway on instagram for super kind holistic sleep advice.

7 weeks is tiny, I sleep trained both mine but I don’t think many people would suggest even gentle sleep training for such a tiny baby, never mind leaving her to cry it out.

Are you rocking her or just cuddling? Mine would only be fed or rocked to sleep at that age.

7 weeks is far far too young for self settling, you’re expecting far too much from such a tiny baby. You are also supposed to be in the same room as baby until 6 months for SIDS risk. Leaving a newborn baby alone to cry is honestly madness.

Good god not at 7 weeks old.

@DinaofCloud9 a 7 week old isn’t going to suddenly implode if left for a couple of minutes to cry.

It used to be quite normal to leave babies to it - the time to do otherwise is a modern luxury

Kids aren't happier since times changed imo

No not ok at 7 weeks. I know it’s frustrating but if you have to hold her for sleep then you do. Leaving a 7 week old to cry it out when you’re out of the room with a baby monitor just isn’t ok. They need to sleep in the same room as you at that age as well, way to young to leave to sleep by themselves.

The OP’s baby wasn’t left for a couple of minutes. They were left “for ages”.

For me OP, seven weeks would be way too early to be doing this. Hold her, rock her, feed her. She will fall asleep eventually.

7 weeks is too early they’re still adjusting and spent 9 months being snug and safe in you and now there alone trying to get to sleep.
see if from their perspective!
lots of swaddling, white noise, dummies and comforter.
they should be with you until 6 months due to the lullaby trust.

What is the lamp for? To see her on the camera? Other than glow egg with the temperature I didn’t use lights for bedtime. I think darkness is one of the triggers for sleep ( to do with the circadian rhythm ) but to answer the question no I wouldn’t let her cry it out.

Your baby stopped crying because she realised mummy wasn't coming.
Babies that young left to cry it out will grow up to become anxious, insecure adults with attachment issues.. Don't do it.
I found the early stage hard but could never leave my little one to cry for that long, he was in my arms most of the time.
Sometimes they just need to be held, it gets easier after 3 months. They don't recommend leaving baby to self soothe until after 6 months and even then you are supposed to check on them every 5 min they are crying.

Not ok. Particularly not ok at 7 weeks. For me, not ok ever.

A couple of minutes does feel like ages with a crying baby! She hasn’t said how long, but I didn’t suggest an extended period is appropriate at that age.

‘Ages’ isn’t a couple of minutes. And they didn’t fall asleep because they had successfully self settled, the baby cried itself to sleep because it is tiny and couldn’t stay awake any longer.

No I don’t like the idea of that at all 100% no, babies cry for a reason.