Letting baby cry herself to sleep

[KimBots]

I'm a first time mum to a beautiful baby girl 💖

She is 7 weeks old and can usually settle herself to sleep for daytime naps with no problems.

However when it comes to actual bedroom at night, she struggles to sleep. She shows cues of being tired, but can't.

I've tried helping her, but it doesn't work. The routine hasn't changed, but she seems more unsettled.

I change her, feed her, bump her, let her cuddle with me (this works for daytime naps), play soft lullabies in the background, dress her in appropriate clothing (light if it's warm) and have the lamp on so it's not too bright or dark.

She lets me hold her, but it doesn't seem o make any difference.

People have said it's normal for a baby's sleep pattern to change and they can cry for no reason. She's not ill or anything like that.

I've tried everything I can think of. A friend suggested just letting her cry it out. I tried everything and left the bedroom and stayed in the living room. I had her monitor with me so I could see what she was doing. She cried for ages, but she did fall asleep.

I feel guilty because I don't like seeing and hearing her cry. But at the same time I can't think of anything else I can do.

Is this OK?

Studies upon studies have shown that this is, in fact, incorrect. Babies who have their emotional needs met by their primary caregiver/s grow up to be securely attached. It’s a beautiful thing 😊

This is really abusive to let a really young baby cry to sleep. My neighbours do this & their baby's room is next to mine & it really upsets me to hear her cry for several hours a night. I've also had several weeks broken sleep and have a permanent dull headache because it.

This awful practice has a negative impact on the baby, the household as well as the neighbours. Please do not do this, it's an awful thing to do to a young baby.

Why on earth are you expecting a 7 week old to have a routine? My baby is now 5 months and is with me all the time per NHS guidance. When he falls asleep I put him in bassinet beside me then have my dinner , watch tv, tidy up etc. if he doesn’t want to be put down I hold him, watch tv, eat my dinner with one hand. If he won’t sleep and is crying myself and DH take it in turns to eat and do laps of the kitchen shushing him. It’s called parenting! See your GP as your cold attitude and expectation that baby won’t inconvenience your life/evening is not normal @KimBots BTW my eldest never slept through until 15 months old and from 6-9 months woke every hour and only slept during the day when being driven round in the car.

They aren’t crying for nothing just sometimes you can’t work out the reason why. they are trying to navigate their way in a big new world and they need you to guide them. Letting them cry it out is just cruel.

My eldest DD is 45 next week, and she was one "difficult" baby - I was totally exhausted and I wasn't even breastfeeding. 7 weeks is far to young to start trying to force a baby into anything at all, so I'm afraid you've got to persevere for a while longer. That said, around 15 weeks old she started to sleep longer at nights (maybe two feeds or even just one) but of course was more active in the day.She still took a while to drop off, though - and at 45, she still does!

Her younger sister was/is totally different. She slept well from the start with only a couple of feeds in the night by about 8 weeks, they are all different. But that is part of their personality. The eldest is pretty neurotic about stuff while the younger one is pretty laid back! She takes after my DH I guess who apparently never had a night feed at all. Seems hard to believe but his DM swore it was true. Now 79 he often gets up in the night, makes a cuppa and has a couple of biscuits!

Just perservere love, a happy baby is the aim, whatever they need in those early weeks. They are all different, but you will be glad in later years that you responded as your baby needs you to.

I’m not sure where you’re getting that advice from. That’s literally the opposite of current medical guidance which is based on SIDS risk. The research behind that guidance shows that 75% of SIDS cases happen when babies are sleeping in a different room from their parents

@HillbillyBackstroke, turns out the aggressive poster is a bloke. Explains a lot!

Neither of my DC had a routine as a newborn or until about 5/6 months. They both eventually went to sleep with a bedtime of 7/7.30. Safe sleep advice is that they are with you at all times (within reason) so we just accepted that we'd have this baby with us every evening and that eventually they do get a bedtime and they do sleep through the night. DH works away a lot so I got very organised for the nights I was on my own making sure I had something easy to eat and got through a lot of TV shows.

I can't really imagine sitting in the living room listening to my tiny baby crying and crying. Are you feeling ok? Do you feel you are coping well with baby? Do you have a partner/support?

What time are you doing bed time? Most babies have a witching hour which is normally worst at around 6-8 weeks where they cry out all the over simulation of the day. You just need to hold them and let them cry so they know you're there. Most of my friend's babies did it around tea time, but ours cried about 8-10 in the evening then went to sleep happily. I can can really recommend a yoga ball for bouncing then on!

Over 100 replies and the OP hasn’t been back since she posted….

Are you absolutely sure she’s not hungry? Have you tried feeding her to sleep?

How do you know they are leaving the baby to cry? If they have a colicky baby they might just be walking around the house for hours trying to settle them. If that’s the case it will be much worse for them than it is for you.

Of course if they are leaving them to cry that is totally wrong.

Baby has to stay in the same room as a parent until 6 months that even means when napping in the day or going down in the evening. You are not meant to leave them in a different room. Keep baby down stairs with you until you go to bed then take baby up with you. Do not leave baby up stairs with a monitor.

We looked into a night nurse to sleep train our baby and they all said not until she reached 14lbs and 4 months of age. I read the book brining up bebe after (would have been useful during the sleep training), which is about raising a child in France, with the cultural differences, and how they get their babies to sleep through the night earlier than we do. It was an interesting read.