Letting baby cry herself to sleep

[KimBots]

I'm a first time mum to a beautiful baby girl 💖

She is 7 weeks old and can usually settle herself to sleep for daytime naps with no problems.

However when it comes to actual bedroom at night, she struggles to sleep. She shows cues of being tired, but can't.

I've tried helping her, but it doesn't work. The routine hasn't changed, but she seems more unsettled.

I change her, feed her, bump her, let her cuddle with me (this works for daytime naps), play soft lullabies in the background, dress her in appropriate clothing (light if it's warm) and have the lamp on so it's not too bright or dark.

She lets me hold her, but it doesn't seem o make any difference.

People have said it's normal for a baby's sleep pattern to change and they can cry for no reason. She's not ill or anything like that.

I've tried everything I can think of. A friend suggested just letting her cry it out. I tried everything and left the bedroom and stayed in the living room. I had her monitor with me so I could see what she was doing. She cried for ages, but she did fall asleep.

I feel guilty because I don't like seeing and hearing her cry. But at the same time I can't think of anything else I can do.

Is this OK?

In hindsight probably yes, I should have done it earlier but as a first time mum I just couldn’t! Second time round I still don’t think I could.

she’s much better at sleeping through the night in her next to me though and will only come into bed in the morning after a feed at 4 months 😀 I’m not a gentle parenting type but I was working 40+ hours too so had to just ‘survive’ along with feeling the need to comfort her.

7 weeks old is very young to cry out, tbh i dont agree with it at any age and ive never done it with my son who was a nightmare getting to sleep, had to be contact napped til 10 months old etc. At 7 weeks my son cried to sleep every night but I just held and rocked him. It's such a hard time of life for new parents but it passes so fast I promise. There'll be regressions and changes all through the early years, routine doesn't always spell consistency with the baby.

However if you find yourself driven to distraction by her crying putting her in a safe place and taking a breather is advised.

Agree here. Some people will tell you to use cry it out method. I was advised to with my first child but turned out she had reflux and needed to be flipped onto her tummy, as it was less painful for her and made it easier to sick up what was needed. Babies don’t cry for ‘no reason’.

Only my opinion. Should be in your bedroom - 7 weeks old and in another room - that’s a no from me. Always bath time before bed so routine established. Yes - I’d feed and hold my baby until they were asleep and put them down. They are 7 weeks old! I’d get up every time they cried - listen for a couple of minutes and if didn’t settle then I’d pick them hold and check all usual suspects to see if anything needed changing. My second had terrible colic so I slept sitting up with him on my chest . But always give them a cuddle.

All of this.

There's no right or wrong. At 6 weeks I began co-sleeping with my DD. She couldn't settle by herself no matter what. I feel it was the best decision I could have made. Both of us slept through the night (except for a couple of dream feeds and a nappy change). A lot of people said I was making a mistake and creating a rod for my own back. They also said things like it's so important for babies to learn to self soothe and settle independently.

At 15 months, when we started to disturb each other at night, I introduced a toddler bed 'her own bed'. It was a very natural transition. From day one, she slept through for 12 hours. Now when I say it's bed time she picks up her teddy and happily takes herself to bed. She falls asleep without me.

There was never any crying. It pained me too much. When she was a baby I just cuddled her, fed her or did whatever was needed to soothe her.

Now she is very independent. 7 weeks is so tiny.

I don't understand the whole sleep training discussion. I believe if you meet your babies needs then it will just happen naturally. I suppose sleep training becomes a thing when you have more than one child.

What's the phrase... "If a need is met it goes away."

Don't do it, I find it heartbreaking to even read about.

Don’t listen to any mum shaming. You are doing your best. Fresh Postpartum with a baby that won’t settle at night… I can imagine how you’re feeling. We sleep trained our son using the ferber method but honestly, he was 9 months old at that point. I probably wouldn’t leave her to cry it out whilst she’s still so tiny. Could there be something bothering her at night? Could she have reflux/silent reflux etc? Our son’s silent reflux was always was worse at night and sparked up when he was laid down.
just know that this phase will pass and she will sleep better soon! And by all means if you need to take a moment to decompress or have a cry when she starts crying a few minutes will do you wonders and she will be fine.

Where did OP say she was sleeping in a different room to her?

In the OP

How does anyone know what a 7 week old baby thinks? Do they have capacity for that level of logic? If so how do you know they aren’t thinking “mummy isn’t coming that must mean it’s time to sleep… right off to sleep I go ?” Personally I Doubt they think anything at that age . I sleep trained all mine at 6 weeks. We were all better for being well rested and knowing the routine. They are all secure and lovely children now.

Complete rubbish. You’re far more likely to get an anxious, insecure adult if you come running at the slightest little thing.

She said she “left the bedroom and stayed in the living room. I had her monitor with me so I could see what she was doing.”

No she said she left the bedroom, and went downstairs while motoring her. That’s not sleeping in a separate bedroom, and totally normal. I mean the baby monitor industry would be completely out of business if once a baby was put down in your bedroom you couldn’t leave the room.

Are you completely nuts?

At 7 weeks they need and deserve to have their carers running at the slightest thing. They can do nothing for themselves, are extremely vulnerable, can only communicate with small signs and crying. Are you accusing a newborn of malicious manipulation? They’re doing what they can to stay fed, warm and comforted.

If you can’t be arsed tending to the basic needs of an infant there’s not much anyone can say.

Do you not have any reading comprehension? The baby went to sleep in a different room, that is sleeping in a DIFFERENT ROOM, otherwise the baby would have been asleep in the SAME ROOM as OP. Baby monitors do great for after the first 6 months. It’s not rocket science.

😂 ok then. Pointless arguing with people like you, I get more sense out of the cat. You are funny with it though, I appreciate that. Have a good evening.

Very cruel. It's well evidenced by research. You didn't know and its hard to know right for wrong with so much parenting advice bounded around but please don't do this.

Every medical professional says it is fine to leave a baby when they are sleeping, in fact, it’s recommended as a perfect time to catch up on things you can’t do when they are awake and do have to be watched. What an embarrassment of a parent you are.

They don’t, and it’s not.

From the NHS - ^For at least the first 6 months your baby should be in the same room as you when they're asleep, both day and night. This can reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). https://www.nhs.uk/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/helping-your-baby-to-sleep/^

We didn’t get a choice as DD didn’t sleep except on another human or in a moving pram, but had it ever actually been possible I’m not saying I would never have nipped to the loo or for a shower whilst she slept, but the recommendation really is that they should be in the same room as you for the first 6 months.

Sorry @KimBots i didn’t answer you.

I agree with those who come down on the ‘not ok’ side - as in I don’t think it would be an ok thing to do regularly. I don’t think you should feel guilty or awful that it happened once though, you were probably at the end of your rope and I remember that feeling well.

I agree Lindsey Hookway is a good one to google for sleep advice/ science.

I was probably too gentle, and DD still doesn’t bloody sleep at 5. There’s definitely a place for some training but there are options before just leaving her to cry it out ‘for ages’.

Importantly though - are you doing this alone or do you have support? It’s bloody hard, it doesn’t stay this hard I promise!

This idea of leaving babies to cry is very much a British/American and perhaps Northern European idea too. In so many cultures mothers sleep with their babies, always have and still do even in this ‘modern’ age. Why? Because babies need their mothers - the age you start to leave them depends again on culture (country AND family norms) but 7 weeks is far too young to leave a baby in another room to cry. It just is. They have no concept of ‘other’ at that age and being close to their mother is a primal need. Anything else is nonsense.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of CIO, no one suggests it this young. I know it’s hard OP but leaving her at this age is not the right thing to do.

This is awful . Where is Dad? Surely he can switch over with you. Please don't leave a seven week old BABY to cry themselves to sleep.

Emily Oster??? She is is the last person on earth anyone should be taking advice from. Everything she says goes against what is natural . She is so cold and how someone who clearly lacks any maternal instincts can write a book about parenting is mind blowing .

Also what kind of studies do you need to know it's not okay to leave a 7 week old baby to cry ? Humans never left their babies to cry and we always bed shared until a couple of sociopathic men in the 19th century told them it was best for them .

You’re completely nuts if you think the living room and the bedroom are in fact one and the same room?!