Letting baby cry herself to sleep

[KimBots]

I'm a first time mum to a beautiful baby girl 💖

She is 7 weeks old and can usually settle herself to sleep for daytime naps with no problems.

However when it comes to actual bedroom at night, she struggles to sleep. She shows cues of being tired, but can't.

I've tried helping her, but it doesn't work. The routine hasn't changed, but she seems more unsettled.

I change her, feed her, bump her, let her cuddle with me (this works for daytime naps), play soft lullabies in the background, dress her in appropriate clothing (light if it's warm) and have the lamp on so it's not too bright or dark.

She lets me hold her, but it doesn't seem o make any difference.

People have said it's normal for a baby's sleep pattern to change and they can cry for no reason. She's not ill or anything like that.

I've tried everything I can think of. A friend suggested just letting her cry it out. I tried everything and left the bedroom and stayed in the living room. I had her monitor with me so I could see what she was doing. She cried for ages, but she did fall asleep.

I feel guilty because I don't like seeing and hearing her cry. But at the same time I can't think of anything else I can do.

Is this OK?

The advice for cry it out is from 5-6 months, and I wouldn’t do it even then, but 7 weeks is far too early!

At her age, crying is communication. She needs something from you.

I really hope this isn’t real.

My advice would be to follow your instincts and realign your expectations around sleep. Babies this young are still adjusting to the outside world and meant to be close to their mum while they figure this part out. SIDS guidelines also advise they sleep in the same room as you until at least 6 months.

What that meant for us was getting baby to sleep downstairs first, at this age, it was around 6pm first, then 9pm. I had a pillow on my lap and she drifted off on me, sometimes feeding. We worked hard on transferring her to Moses basket, this was hit and miss as you would probably expect. Then it was up to bed with us at 11pm-ish. Then had a formula bottle (otherwise was breast fed) last thing before lights out (sleep sack, white noise), usually waking up at 4-5am, then back to sleep until 8ish.

by 5 months, she was sleeping 7-7 and has been that way ever since with the odd blip.

I know how exhausted you must feel right now and this probably feels like a lot, but it will get better, the stretches get longer, they need you to support them less and you will get some evening time back and refreshing sleep yourself too!

Posted twice

It’s fine. She’s safe and will get used to dropping off more quickly if you stick to the same routine.

Please reconsider your focus on sleep training. Your little one has been out in the world for 49 days, she needs you for comfort, reassurance and connection. You will get sleep again but rushing against a baby's natural need isn't the time to do it.

Crying it out in the way you did it is cruel. She has learnt that you won’t respond. Needing a cuddle and to feel safe is a legitimate thing and part of being such a tiny baby. You sign up to the rubbish sleep when you decide to have a baby/continue with a pregnancy.

“Your baby stopped crying because she realised mummy wasn't coming.
Babies that young left to cry it out will grow up to become anxious, insecure adults with attachment issues” This is simply not true! Please don’t state your opinion as fact and add unnecessary parental guilt in those already tricky early days. The idea of this comes from orphaned babies that were severely neglected, malnourished and abused for MONTHS and is not relevant here.

No I wouldn’t do this at 7 weeks. Both my kids would cry at night, it’s as if they knew it was bedtime. I didn’t leave them to sleep on their own until they were nearing 6 months old.

I used to do the bedtime routine and then settle the baby into the Moses basket in the living room. I would watch tv at normal sound and eat dinner and found that helped them both to fall asleep themselves as they would hear I’m close. Then after the later feed I would pop them into their cot in our room.
Crying is okay for a short while but 7 weeks is too young for them to develop proper sleep patterns. Sadly every sleep regression changes things up.

I know it’s exhausting and full on. Sometimes you just need 30 mins to yourself. Is anyone about to help with bedtime routine and you can get out for a couple of hours?

If your baby is crying regardless of what you do, it is still much, much better for her to be crying in your arms, with you comforting her, than crying by herself. It's ok if she cries while you cuddle and rock her. I know it's hard to know what to do for the best but she is still so tiny, she's used to being inside you and this is all new to her as well. Look up 4th trimester which talks about young babies and their period of adjustment after they're born.

Personally, I would hold her whilst she cries. She might have some painful reflux or gas and just needs that comfort through the discomfort. I know it’s easier said than done because you feel like it’s not ‘working’ - they keep crying and you feel more and hopeless! But you’re comforting them when they’re communicating some negative feeling and that’s a big part of parenting. If it gets too much, tag on with your partner or, if not possible, put your headphones in and listen to music/a podcast. It takes the edge off the cries and makes the time pass faster. My DS got super gassy around that time and just needed comfort. In a few weeks it passed and we moved on! Good luck!

Being left to cry releases stress hormones and causes damage to babies both physically and emotionally. I don’t understand how anyone can listen to their baby in distress and not offer comfort.

Ds always cried before sleep at night, I think it was his way of complaining he was tired and needed to sleep. Right from the word go until he was well over 16 months,it's just what he did. Didn't matter what I did. So my advice would be don't be frightened of your baby crying , stick to the same routine and hopefully they'll get the hang of things. A grizzle and a grumble is very different to full on crying.

Plus, babies who learn that no one comes when they cry don’t cry when they’re ill. People I know who’ve done sleep training have all reported going into their child in the morning to discover them covered in dry sick because they knew not to bother crying.

‘She cried for ages’.

how longs ‘ages‘ op?

Oh god that’s awful

I wouldn't. My 7 week old had a very late bedtime so I went to bed at the same time as them. So mostly they didn't cry because we were together. Before I had a baby I thought newborns went to bed at, say, 7pm but that wasn't my experience at all.

If they cried a lot and I couldn't stop it, DH would take them into the dark kitchen, put them on his shoulder and pace up and down with classical music on. That often worked and gave me a break.

I tried leaving them to cry once and was worried they'd be sick they were so hysterical. Didn't work for me at all.

It’s a good job it’s not true

Yes, quite.

Please don’t let your baby cry herself to sleep.
Its not easy but this phase won’t last forever.

At this age both of mine didn’t really have a bed time. They just stayed with me in the evening, usually lying on my chest while I watched the tv, waking every now and then for a feed and then just came up to bed with me when I was going to sleep. Does she need a strict routine and bedtime right now? I would just keep her with you and get on with whatever you want to do. When it’s time for you to go to sleep just turn the lights out let her lie with you and when she’s asleep pop her in her cot. If it’s taking a while get her comfy on your chest put in some ear phones and listen to an audio book or something or get a night light and read a book, I certainly wouldn’t be spending my evenings sitting in a dark room rocking a baby who doesn’t want to go to sleep. She’ll sleep eventually.

Me or the OP?

No. Your baby is far too young and tiny and certainly isn’t going to get into a sleep routine or be trained at seven weeks!

You are expecting far too much. Babies will change their sleeping patterns for months and months. They also need to be in the same room as you.

Even the cry it out books don’t advocate this at 7 weeks. At this age I kept the baby downstairs often holding them until they went to sleep and then transferring them to a Moses basket that I took upstairs with me when I went to bed. Warming up the Moses basket with a hot water bottle before putting the baby in is a good tip for transferring. Also a salt lamp or even a red bulb lighting the room seems to help them settle, gentle light, similar to what they experienced in the womb.

After 6 months, my kids had a bedtime, and I started to leave them upstairs on their own. I had two great sleepers and one absolutely atrocious one… so don’t think you are making a rod for your own back or anything.

We wouldn’t leave a distressed seven week old puppy alone and crying. Please don’t do it to your baby.

Try co-sleeping, following the safe sleep seven.

Also - babies need to be in the same room as you for all sleeps until they are at least six months old. A monitor is absolutely no substitute. Please do not leave her in a separate room again.