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Parenting

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Original poster

what can you say to a new age man who loses his temper, marches upstairs and slaps his 7 year old

131 replies

nonymous · 09/06/2007 14:56

hard enough that i could hear it downstairs. he is a loving father and is non-violent. neither of us object to smacking but it is a very rare thing.

what bothers me is that this was after the argument. ds was in the wrong. but dp suddenly flipped and stormed upstairs shouted at him and punctuatied it with 3 slaps.

i spoke to them both. dp still raving
got them both to say sorry
but need to make dp understand that we all lose our tempers but he wa sin the wrong to lose it to that extent because it was after the argument so ds wouldn't have understood why he suddenlty got so cross.

and before the anti-smacking comes on and starts going ott, please think before you type, i am looking for advice of the kind of points i can make not your contempt

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Peachy · 09/06/2007 15:00

I think I would say I am sorry, I love you but all you are teaching our child is how to behave like a yob when you behave like that. This time I will forgive, but if it happens again I will have to ask you to leave the house, at least until I feel you are assafe with my child and will not attempt to govern with fear.

And stick to it as well.

singingmum · 09/06/2007 15:01

Wait until everything calms down and speak to your dp.Tell him that although you know he didn't mean to lose his temper in that circumstance after already having argument and that you know he would never do anything to hurt your child.Make some kind of agreement that if either of you come close to this again that the person most calm will deal with any behaviour issues be it you or him.
I thnk almost everyone loses it at some point while under stress and that it's just a case of taking time out when stressed .
Hope all goes ok when you talk

fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:03

i think i would be asking what on EARTH that was about. if it was my dp (who is a "new man", not so much a "new age" man, being a sciency sort and all ), I woudl be utterly, utterly . It sounds like you are too.

I think I'd send him out for a few hours and have a talk when the kids were in bed.

Its hard, I am very anti-smacking, as is dp, so for that reason I would be rather shaken. But it would also be about as far outside dp's character as it would be possible to go

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fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:06

what would disturb me is that is wasn't in the context of an argument

I can understand "losing it" and smacking in the context of a row. I never have but I've done a lot of work to make sure I don't, and I can understand how it could happen.

What would worry me is that, from the OP's post, it SEEMS to be a bit cold blooded. Maybe its not, maybe its just how it came across to me, but thats what I'd need to talk to dp about, as I WOULDN'T be confident that he'd never do it again, tbh.

soapbox · 09/06/2007 15:06

I'd give him a taste of his own medicine. Wait until he's forgotton about it and is sitting watching tv, then go and get a frying pan and whack him over the head with it.

Then apologise and expect it to be immediately accepted.

madmarchhare · 09/06/2007 15:11

I agree with peachy

WideWebWitch · 09/06/2007 15:16

Agree with soapbox. How horrible. You could also remind him that smacking is illegal.

fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:17

is it?

really?

missed that

WideWebWitch · 09/06/2007 15:18

yep

singingmum · 09/06/2007 15:19

Not illegal.
Only not allowed to leave mark.
Am not posting on this thread again as this subject should be banned on here as leads to nastiness.

soapbox · 09/06/2007 15:20

I think we can reliably assume that if it was capable of being heard on a different floor of the house, that it left a mark.

So yes, it was illegal.

noddyholder · 09/06/2007 15:22

I think you need to tell him it is unacceptible and he needs to think about what pushed him and find other ways to channel those feelings.He can't be non violent if he smacked so hard you could hear it.He needs help though to sort it before he does it again

fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:23

fkn hell missed that about being heard on another floor of the house

jesus

that is another kettle of fish, its not really "smacking" then, is it?

(oh i am so anti-smacking its not true . I have said it before and I know I WILL say it again. but i know the OP doesn't want a tirade)

noddyholder · 09/06/2007 15:26

I am v anti smacking too so prob shouldn't even entertain these threads

lilymolly · 09/06/2007 15:27

speak to him after all has calmed down, and explain your reasons why you where upset.

There may be more to you dp loosing his temper than meets the eye?

I have a wicked temper, and can loose it completly,so can sort of see where your dp is coming from, but dont condone it iyswim?

BarbieLovesKen · 09/06/2007 15:27

What can you say? if im completely honest - "pack your bags".................. sorry

Speccy · 09/06/2007 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 09/06/2007 15:30

I would be scared, for me and my children

this isn't contempt but my honest reaction

someone who can march upstairs after a fight is over, and attack the person

I wouldn't feel safe with them

noddyholder · 09/06/2007 15:32

I have read op again.The fact that he did it after is a worry.It was obviouslt brewing but would have been a shock for ds Make him apologise at least

BarbieLovesKen · 09/06/2007 15:38

hmmm, i would be quite concerned to be honest. I cant think of one thing that a 7 year old would be capable of doing to deserve a smack..... nevermind that it was after the fight.....nevermind it was so hard you could hear it downstairs and nevermind a grown man did this over 3 times!
like franny, I would be scared for myself and my children - how do you feel? you know him best?

fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:42

wouldn't be scared really, not at this stage. He sounds rational and this sounds out of character.

I would find it very very hard not to throw him out, I think, at least for a few days. It woudl definately be parenting class time

FrannyandZooey · 09/06/2007 15:44

I would be scared

unpredictability like this, especially sudden unpredictable violence, is one of the hardest things for me to handle

fillyjonk · 09/06/2007 15:46

I think my rxn is based partly on the fact that I am built like a bulldozer and dp is build like a beanpole.

I could certainly effectively defend myself and my kids against him

Original poster

nonymous · 09/06/2007 15:48

he has been an intensely annoying 7 year old - never listens, never reacts, argumentative

dp hadn't calmed down, possibly because i intervened so when he went upstairs it was still his argument

it is important but not serious

get a grip of the 'leave him' comments, that's patently ridiculous .. it was a slap (well 3) that can be intensely loud and no they haven't left a mark

i am shocked at his reaction and am tryign to talk to him but nobody likes to be puleld up on the way they react to their kids esepcially if they're annoyued so we're off out

they have apologised to each other, he is going to try harder (dp)

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Original poster

nonymous · 09/06/2007 15:49

they are all acting liek normal again - my family seems to be a flare up / calm down in 10 minutes type

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