The rise of single parent families

[speedymama]

BBC website have a story on the increasing numbers of single parent households and it is being discussed on the Have Your Say forum. My mouth fell open when I read some postings and I thought I would share them here. Please note that as usual, there is no mention of the fathers.

"The problem here is that many girls don't have the morals or self-respect to keep their legs shut. This lack of morals and lack of respect then permiates into the world at large - which is what causes the problem.

The stark fact is that in 21st century britain, becoming a single parent is clearly the best career option open to a large number of teenage girls.

"Of course it matters. Social decay courtesy of poor parenting and a weak Government.

If you are not in a committed relationship, don't have children.

If you are intent on being a single parent career sponger, don't have children as an economy enhancer.

I'm fed up with paying for other peoples social mistakes. Come on Britain!!"

urgh yes girls, keep your legs shut- that way you can guarantee no man will ever leave you with the kids, eh??

bet these same moral majority-ites are also anti-abortion and the provision of contraception to young hussies...

More classic postings:

"Our social services reward single mothers by letting them jump the housing queues and giving them extra benefits.

Is it really such a surprise there is a rise in single parent numbers? People are better off not getting an education or working, they have it all on a plate.

If you take the benefits away, you will see the numbers fall. Until then it is just a gravy train."

"Britain can have as many single parent families as it is prepared to pay for. At the moment the budget is unlimited. Expect more."

mmm yes take benefits away and the immoral young mothers and their ghastly offspring will starve- and that'll sort out the problem, of course.....

Message withdrawn

I've had many a long argument with idiots like these... every now and again you actually manage to educate one of them.
For one thing, a woman with 3 kids by different fathers isn't a slut, she's an optimist - because plenty of blokes promise that they'll be different and it would be so special to have "a baby of our own, darling" - she thinks that this time it will be fine. And then the bloke finds he's not so keen on fatherhood after all and f*ks off...

ALso, actually, there is something to be said for deciding that you'd rather be a mum than stack shelves for the minimum wage. Not a viewpoint I hold, but I can see the sense in it, actually...

Well said madamez.

These things make me so angry! Yes comments like that might apply to a few single mums, but not the majority! Why are the absent fathers never mentioned? Grrrrr

Hmmm being a single mum on benifits isn't fun or easy, and the idea that these mums somehow 'have it all on a plate' is just ridiculous. People who write comments like that should try living the life of one of these immoral non-self-respecting sluts who can't keep their legs shut for just a day...then they might change their tune.

If anyone is to blame, it is sociaty as a whole and the huge divide between the rich and the poor.

Speedymama,

I am so glad you started this thread, I also could NOT believe some of the crap that was on there.

The rise in the stats I was not surprised by, however, the bigotry in the comments certainly did

maybe that's me being naive??

oh no.
Im really disappointed. I know that is the attitude here (rural Bavaria) but I did hope things were better in the UK. These are the sort of comments I heard as a child about single parents.

oh god, how must people feel reading that, who do live in council houses and on benefits, or who accidentally got pg as teenagers and kept their baby?

and as usual, the men escape scot free.

Got so annoyed, I added a comment myself, laying into these people and defending single parents.

somone in work was sounding off about single mothers who get paid to sit around all day watching TV (obviously he doesn't have children), when I defended myself (as I am a single mother) he decided that I wasn't like other single mothers . He did try very hard to dig himself out of the hole his sweeping generalisation had dug for him as I am a director and he is a lowly minion

lol sue.
still cant believe the comments on that website, though I ought to, considering I once belonged to a Conservative party youth group

it really is inconceivable that people think single parent families have an easy life, or that anyone on benefits is well off!

I love being a single parent on benefits in local authority housing.

I was completely faking being hysterical with stress and terror when i was faced with sleeping rough at 5 months pregnant, so I could go to the council and have an easy ride.

It's my ex partner I feel for, it must be really hard living in a £65 a week all inclusive flat, and going to work, and taking whichever child you want to the park, and being congratulated on being a fantastic dad.

Me? I get to go to patronising 'Lone Parent' meetings" - he never gets to go to those, such a loss for him - and account for every penny owed to me, and whether I have it in writing, and the best bit is when she asks me questions about whether the boys have the same father, and whethert I am still sleeeping with him. I love that bit, especially in an open plan office.

Interesting to read the headlines of the last week or so:
the "single parenthood is best career option for a generation of young girls" stat next to
the "one in 4 children is from a single parent family" stat next to
the "one in 5 'young people' now are/expect to continue living long-term on benefits stat (think the headline last week called them the 'lost generation').

Is it sensationalist 'Daily Mail' claptrap, or signs of a legitimate social trend? If legitimate, the problem is there seems to be no way to discuss the impact of these trends on society without it deteriorating into hysterical mud-slinging.

Oh - and I am a single parent, by the way.

Yip all us single mothers who just chose this easy option,i know i should have stayed with my ex who was regularly heavy handed with our severely autistic child and regularly leaving bruising on him,that would have been so much better for my kids to live in than live with me their single parent mother on benefits in our council house eh !!

interestingly - I heard David Camreon interviewed about single parent families and he said that he thought many of the problems of single parent families were down to the fathers behaviour not the mothers. Thought that was a new slant and not one you read much in the Daily Mail.

Colditz - I would just love to have enough money to run your post as an advert in the Daily Mail!

SJ - Why? Most the readers would take it seriously, and I would be pelted with fruit - see, even when being insulted us single mothers get free stuff just thrown at us! It's despicable!

lol colditz

I must say, I am shocked at the extent to which I was living in cloud cuckoo land. I genuinely thought this sort of attitude went out with Alf Garnett

good point Colditz - I was just so shocked that my colleagues vision of being a single mum on benefits was lolling around watching tv and eating chocolates. Not that I don;t think some do, but there are some of every group doing that.

People are so convinced that single mums are all 16 and on benefits with a string of children they have just to get a council house, that I'm ALWAYS getting subjected to people prejudices before they realise I am one of the dreaded ones. And whats worse - I chose to be

Nope, it is still alive and well. My local jobcentre treats people like utter shit if they walk in with a pushchair - even if you are going over to the job counter - yet walk in without the pushchair, and it's all smiles. The treatment is noticabley different, even when it is the same people on the front desk.

Oh, did you know?

council houses are 'free'

YOu don't ever have to pay rent, the rent on them is 'free'. Same goes for Housing Association houses.

The bastards owe me thousands then! cos I've been paying rent for 4 years! they must owe me about 12 grand!

do you do much lolling and eating of choclates?

It's not just the jobcentre round here that treats you like shit if you have a pushchair, I found as a single mum (and I chose to be one too!!) being young(ish) I was treated like shit or just downright ignored a lot of the time, old people especially would give me dirty looks on the bus...guess what they were assuming!

I chose to go onto benifits as a single mum while my DS was little, as I decided it would be better in the long run if he was brought up by me rather than me paying others all of my hard earned money to look after him while I work. So for the first four years of his life he got to be with me all the time. And screw what anyone thinks, I believe that was the best thing for him and has given him a good start in life. And I have a degree and a post graduate degree. Benefits give you just enough to survive, not to live, it wouldn't be a choice I would make for life. The ludicrous notion that I sat around all day watching tv and eating chocolate really makes me , I guess the ignorant wkers who think this probably also think that is all sahms do to, and childrearing is easy.

...I'm just off to eat more chocolate in front of the tv now....