The rise of single parent families

[speedymama]

BBC website have a story on the increasing numbers of single parent households and it is being discussed on the Have Your Say forum. My mouth fell open when I read some postings and I thought I would share them here. Please note that as usual, there is no mention of the fathers.

"The problem here is that many girls don't have the morals or self-respect to keep their legs shut. This lack of morals and lack of respect then permiates into the world at large - which is what causes the problem.

The stark fact is that in 21st century britain, becoming a single parent is clearly the best career option open to a large number of teenage girls.

"Of course it matters. Social decay courtesy of poor parenting and a weak Government.

If you are not in a committed relationship, don't have children.

If you are intent on being a single parent career sponger, don't have children as an economy enhancer.

I'm fed up with paying for other peoples social mistakes. Come on Britain!!"

It's not right but I can see why it happens. If your parents have never had any aspirations for themselves, don't have any for you why would you think that there is anything better out there for you?

This thread has been remarkably restrained so far, I'm amazed after how MN has been recently. Colditz - I've learned a lot from what you wrote, thank you. I'm not a single parent but have always felt 'what about the dads'? in
discussions about single mums. It must be very tough to be raising the children and also taking the flak for there not being a father around.

Expat: for many single parents they have to spend tiem on benefits because they can't keep a job that will keep them and the DCs fed, housed etc while paying for childcare too. SIngle parents either don't get offered the jobs or are the first to be let go - you're "unreliable" or "not committed" no matter that the job is low paid shitwork...

Not an unreasonable decision in those circumstances to wait till your DCs are older and in school before trying to get paid work again.

Als, as I've said before and will no doubt be olbiged to say again and again, why is looking after small children only regarded as work worth an income when they're not your own small children? It is work...

Thats just it, this particular girl has fairly well off parents who have their own business blah blah blah. Her mother isn't too impressed with this decision either.

I think the fact that this is ACTUALLY an option for a 19 year old is the worst bit of this.

That said, there is also the selfishness of what she is doing. She isn't having a baby because she is an earth mother, she is already thinking of the expensive new 'quinny zapp', she will buy etc. I could almost see her choosing curtains for her new council flat........WTF.

I think she is in la la land to be honest, but by the time she comes back to earth, she will be another statistic. So it's too late then isn't it.

Tis' restrained cos most of us are drinking tea I reckon

sorry ucm I was skimming she is being incredibly naive (sp?)

Of course I don't think it right, I think it is sad that these girls (and boys) have no aspirations and think that that option is the best one in their life. But it's not just them to blame, it's their parents, breakdown of the family and community etc. etc. And we never know all the circumstances involved.
And yes, it makes me cross too sometimes.

She'll most likely end up regretting her decision later...it really is sad, but as I said, you don't know what else is involved or what goes on behind closed doors.

That it is an easy option for a 19 year old is not good.

I think the benefit system is demeaning to men, making their families financially better off without them. Then we are surprised that they lack self respect [hmmm]

I know that DH and I would be much better off if he pretended to live with his Mum. I could afford to be a SAHM and would enjoy a much better standard of living. We are much too honest to do that, and so we pay the price.

But everyone would be better off if they lied - doesn't mean there is a problem with the benefits system, it just means that some people lie.

By "pretending to live with his mum", these couples who are better off are committing benefit fraud. It's not allowed!

And I am pretty sure, Upwind, that you would enjoy probing questions, carried out in a crowded open plan office, into your sex life and sleeping arrangements as much as I do.

i think a lot of girls grow up knowing they are going to have a baby straight away and go "on the social"

I knew some girls at school who had it all planned out

Leave at 16, get pregnant at 17, have a baby at 18, live with your mum so you are officially overcrowded and will be housed, and then do as you please until kids go to school. Then look into college.

I think they found out that it's not quite as easy as that. Life leaves you behind.

And of course, there are always quite a few pill - babies whose mothers don't believe in abortion for that reason (and for me personally, neither do I) and those poor girls end up in the same position.

There's the women who find themselves pregnant and homeless due to having hysterically mad parents - and not officially entitled to any help at all, as they have a "full time job" which pulls in a grand total of 118 per week after tax.

There are some girls who have a baby as a career, as a way of guaranteeing an income in an otherwise joyless existance, but they are by no means the majority.

Colditz, maybe it's not and I have never been in that situation, but I sure as hell would if it meant that we were not living on the breadline because my husband worked his arse off.

I have never done a dishonest thing in my life (save nicking an eyeshadow when about 10, which my Mum found out and marched me back to the shop), but I can honestly see why the hell people do this particular one.

Why on earth punish people for being in a relationship.

Sorry, forgot the wives and girlfriends of wife and girlfriend beaters

the widows

the women who have been SAHM for 20 years, never worked in their lives - it'seasy to say "Get a job" but it can be hard to actually get one!

You are better off on your own than you are with your husband if he has a low paid job. Go to entitledto.com and check, if you like, i am sure I am correct on that one.

In fact, I have to check myself now.

Ok have checked. I was a bit wrong, but here are the figures I came up with.

Couple, Husband earning £200pw, 2 kids
total income £333.15 pw

Couple, Husband earning £200pw, Wife earning £110pw
toal income £392pw

Single parent, earning £110 pw
Total income £308pw

Single parent not working
Total income £257.69

These figures INCLUDE benefits but DISCLUDE free school dinners, milk tokens, and other concessionary allowances made for pweople on low incomes.

LOL looks like I am talking to myself!

I am back!

Getting back on my hobby horse but I think the other benefits probably amount to more than the actual benefit.

As an example we pay £550 a month for our flat, my neigbour has her rent covered with housing benefit... the high cost of accomodation makes the poverty trap worse.

but her rent won't be £550 a month in a council flat, more like £250. It's not really her fault the housing prices have been hiked.

Also, she must have been in pretty shitty circumstances to have been given a council flat in the first place - would you swap?

Colditz, not you are not talking to yourself. I don't have to claim benefits right now, thank goodness, (the idea of my sex life being discussed anywhere other than Mumsnet is appalling), but if you take the single parent one and add to it a father working but pretending to live at his mothers for instance, then, you could live reasonably well.

The other problems with benefits is that they don't take into consideration mortgages, which I understand, but cannot understand that if a working parent becomes unemployed for 6 months, they have to sell their houses and move into rented accomodation for which the govt. will then pay their rent. That particular one sucks.

yes, that does suck, it sucks righteously, but if they did pay mortgages, they would effectively buying someone a house, yes?

Upwind you're right, the high cost of accomodation does make the poverty trap worse, it is a nightmare in fact! (...Am very envious of your comparatively cheap rent, I won't even tell you the ridiculousness of rent for two bedroom flats where I live!! It is a major problem.)

Colditz you weren't talking to yourself. Very interesting figures.

Thats why I said I can understand it, but I do think that there could be a bit of a concession for say 4 months. Most homeowners, well most of the ones I know, haven't got any savings and I have known people whose houses were worth the same as their mortgage, have to sell, just to rent a house similar and the rent be paid forever, IYKWIM.