The rise of single parent families

[speedymama]

BBC website have a story on the increasing numbers of single parent households and it is being discussed on the Have Your Say forum. My mouth fell open when I read some postings and I thought I would share them here. Please note that as usual, there is no mention of the fathers.

"The problem here is that many girls don't have the morals or self-respect to keep their legs shut. This lack of morals and lack of respect then permiates into the world at large - which is what causes the problem.

The stark fact is that in 21st century britain, becoming a single parent is clearly the best career option open to a large number of teenage girls.

"Of course it matters. Social decay courtesy of poor parenting and a weak Government.

If you are not in a committed relationship, don't have children.

If you are intent on being a single parent career sponger, don't have children as an economy enhancer.

I'm fed up with paying for other peoples social mistakes. Come on Britain!!"

a single older friend of mine made the decision to go on benefit when she was made redundant and got pregnant at the same time too. She has a DS the same age as mine and although she is hard up she made a conscious decision to stay at home with her DS. She is considering becoming a childminder to earn some money when he is a little older. She owns her own house but has a very small mortgage.

It makes me laugh how everyone is very judgemental if you choose to return to work as a mother UNLESS you are a young single mother in which case you are a sponger off the state if you don't go back to work. So inconsistent.

'I chose to go onto benifits as a single mum while my DS was little, as I decided it would be better in the long run if he was brought up by me rather than me paying others all of my hard earned money to look after him while I work. So for the first four years of his life he got to be with me all the time. And screw what anyone thinks, I believe that was the best thing for him and has given him a good start in life. And I have a degree and a post graduate degree.'

but it's okay for plebs like me to work at crap, low paid jobs and swap shifts with my husband.

no-o-o, not a great deal, but I do a fair bit of 'exhausted collapsing into bed the second the kids have gone to sleep and I have finished scrubbing the house', though. Does that mitigate in my favour?

No, I shouldn't think it does for one bloody minute.

there isn't much mention of fathers because they don't have residency as often

what is a definition of single parent anyway?

there are single parents of all ages surely it is the resulkt of a relationship breaking down so can happen at any age

What pisses me off is how women come in for all the grief, but no one thinks to go after these low life men who fathered children and then swanned off w/o so much as a second glance.

expat - thats why I thought Camerons comments were interesting - first time I'd heard the focus being on the fahers not the mothers.

I mean, where the hell ARE these men? Why isn't anything being done about them??

It takes two to tango.

but sometimes women want to split up too, it's not always a case of men walking off somewhere?

'but it's okay for plebs like me to work at crap, low paid jobs and swap shifts with my husband.'

What's that got to do with anything expat? Sorry but I don't get what point you where making?

It's interesting how men get a sympathetic ear to "I never see my kids, the bitch won't let me see then, sure I was a twat for the first 7 years, but now I want a relationship wiv them!"

yes, 7 years down the line, when they are self toileting, self feeding, sleep through the night, don't grow out of their clothes after 2 washes, have stopped vomitting for no apparent reason, and can play on a playstation and shut up when you tell them to - of course you want a relationship now.

Grr

Well, climbing, you made a choice to stay home, despite your advanced degrees. Someone had to pay for that. Someone like me and my husband. We pay to supplement your 'choice', yet somehow, we are a bunch of wankers to think that someone with your ability to support yourself and your child, given your advanced degrees, should make an effort to do so?

zippi - I don;t really count families where parents are split but both parents truly play an important role in the kids lives as "single parent" families becuase they're not really. My friends split up and he had the kids every weekend so 2.5 days a week and more often if she wanted, took them on holiday with him had them more over the holdiays becuase he was self employed and it was easier for him to work around school hols than her and continued paying for pretty much what he had before. It wasn't exactly an amicable split up but was an effectvie one as far as the kids were concerned. I wouldn't ever describe them as coming from a single parent family.

I'd have loved to stay at home.

And I have no problem with people claiming benefits because they really need them. In other words, they literally can't go back to work because they'd earn so little, they wouldn't be able to afford childcare even w/tax credits, or they have special needs children, or disabled partner/spouse/etc.

But because they didn't want to fork out their 'hard-earned' money?

Well, shit, why's it okay for other people to do it and not you because you can't be bothered?

WTF?! You've got advanced degrees! My husband can barely read, his dyslexia is so bad. He goes out to work, however, because as he puts it, 'I'm lucky! There are a lot of really poor people who can't.'

expat - should I decide to go on benefits at any point in the future I will have paid for it many times over as well as for my (underused) use of the health service, in fact I probably paid for climingroses "sabatical" and am quite happy to do so, as long as she is not watching tv and eating choclates whilst I am slaving over a hot computer.

and having an advanced degree is no guarantee of high earning - most scientists earn a pittance and if they lived in London would doubtless be uunable to afford to work and pay childcare and property costs.

The woman who lives in the flat across from me is a single mother on benefits and the flat is council (mine is ex-council, now private rented).

The flats are more or less identical, she is a lovely person and I don't begrudge her anything. It does make me though, when she complains about the small size of her flat and how she has been on the waiting list for years for something better.

DH and I both work and pay through the nose for our flat. We could not afford any better!

That kind of thing winds people up because they feel that their work is unrewarded. I think it is harder for men as they feel that they have no role as a provider for their children. The state can often do a better job no matter how hard the fathers try

"most scientists earn a pittance"

that is not true

Well what if we all felt like that, sue? What if we all thought, 'I'm entitled to take a break from life, because I paid taxes.'

What kind of argument is that??

Seriously, maybe it's because I'm foreign, but I just don't and never will get that.

Why should we continue to fund peoples' 'sabaticals' from life? Bollocks!

There are plenty of parents on the Special Needs board who could do with a few extra bob to help their children, who really need all the help they can get, along.

I'm in the DLA process myself w/DD1. Nightmare.

Makes you wonder how much money there might be to help my SN child if all able-bodied, healthy people went to work.

But instead the money goes to subsidise healthy, able-bodied people with advanced degrees because they don't want to spend money on childcare?

Ok- most scientists I know earn a pittance

Actually I supported it by working before becoming a parent and paying taxes, and by going back to work now and continuing to pay taxes. And as I don't plan on going back onto benifits now my DS is in school I will be working for the rest of my life and paying taxes too, so it is a bit arrogant of you to think it is you and your husband who are paying for it. Part of paying taxes means we should be able to use them if we have to.

There are some people who sponge off the state their entire lives, I don't agree with that any more than you do, and it makes me cross, but don't lump everyone on benifits together.

it is a big question though who has the right to choose to stay home and who works in a minimum wage job...

And it's not arrogant to not want to spend your 'hard-earned' money on childcare for the child you brought into this world?

The mind boggles!

Truly it does.

we'll have to agree to disagree Expat - I personally don't have a problem with people (men or women) with pre-school children staying at home to look after them.

And I'm not talking about people whose only prospect of work is Tesco's. I know what bastards they are for bosses, b/c DH worked for them, wanting you to be available for any shift 24/7 for £5.85/hour and being a single parent doesn't mix.

Not a lot of choice when you had such bad learning disabilities you have no qualifications, etc.

But someone with postgrad degree who just doesn't want to spend their hard-earned money on childcare?

Spare me!

there are some people who avoid benefits because they don't want to accept them when they can work

and there are some people who won't work if they can avoid it