The rise of single parent families

[speedymama]

BBC website have a story on the increasing numbers of single parent households and it is being discussed on the Have Your Say forum. My mouth fell open when I read some postings and I thought I would share them here. Please note that as usual, there is no mention of the fathers.

"The problem here is that many girls don't have the morals or self-respect to keep their legs shut. This lack of morals and lack of respect then permiates into the world at large - which is what causes the problem.

The stark fact is that in 21st century britain, becoming a single parent is clearly the best career option open to a large number of teenage girls.

"Of course it matters. Social decay courtesy of poor parenting and a weak Government.

If you are not in a committed relationship, don't have children.

If you are intent on being a single parent career sponger, don't have children as an economy enhancer.

I'm fed up with paying for other peoples social mistakes. Come on Britain!!"

Actually it was not a case of not wanting to spend the money on child care, it was a case of being worse off if I had gone back to work and paid childcare, especially before he started nursery. You really think I should have gone to work, th hours where 8-6, spent all day away from my ds, and ending up with only £40 a week after rent and childcare where paid for, rather than bring him up myself??? I'm happy with the decision I made. And I'd be happy with other people making that decision and be supported with the taxes I pay now and will continue to pay. They are not spongers.

FFS it wasn't a break from life!! How is bringing up a child for the first four years of its life a break??? You don't really mean that. It's a job, a hard job, that doesn't get nearly enough recognition in our society anyway, your attitude is wrong. Do you think sahms are taking a break from life too or is that different??

are there women who choose having children as a career option supported by benefits?

yes

But climbingrosie you chose to be a single mum and also chose not to work, so in effect, you chose for the state to support you. I think I agree with expat on this one....

I agree zippitippitoes, but not everyone odes. There are a mixture of people who avoid work at all costs and live on benifits instead, and others who have no option and go on benifits for a short while.

Quit trying to make me out to be some sort of misogynistic harridan, climbing, because it won't work.

This has FA to do w/the SAHM/WOTHM argument.

You are an educated person with advanced degrees who chose not to go to work because you didn't want to spend your 'hard-earned money' on childcare.

Instead, you chose to live on benefits meant for folks who truly have NO other options through no fault of their own.

At least, that's how it was supposed to be. Anything else is abuse of the system.

And there's such a thing as partial benefits. Top ups to low-income which STILL aren't an option for many single parents who will earn minimum wage because, unlike you, they have no educational qualifications.

FWIW, my SIL was on full benefits for ages.

Instead of going to university, she got involved with an abusive drug-dealer and fell pregnant despite being on the Pill at 17.

Then he dumped her with FA and left without a trace.

So she was the mother of two sons at 19 with NO qualifications at all.

BIG difference between that and someone who decided not to work because they didn't want to huck out for childcare.

Hmmm saying I chose to be a single mum might give the wrong impression, I didn't choose to get pregnant without a partner, I was married, he turned into a violent bastard after I had DS, I chose to leave him as it was the only option I had!! It wasn't some kind of easy decision of "oh I know, I'll have a baby, live of benifits, and life will be hunky dory..."

What I left ex DH I believed I could support myself and DS and had every intention of doing that, but it didn't work out that way and I chose to stay at home and look after him until he was four. I don't think I need to go into all the details here, but son't think it was just an easy decision.

my dd2 has worked instead of benefits and she doesn't get more money that way...she doesn't want to be abenefit mum and she doesn't want to get out of the job market (hahah)

basically she thinks she should work

it is irritating that other people don't have the same scruples

I think you missed the point expat, I couldn't afford to work and pay childcare! End of. Even with all the taxes and top ups. I did the maths.

Well I'd rather do the best for my DS then take the moral high ground of not wanting to be a benifits mum. Children benifit from having one primary caregiver for the first three years of their lives. Screw what anyone else thinks.

I work now.

I am slightly amazed that I agree with climbing roses as I am the person who was out of work for 12 months post redundancy and never claimed a penny of the benefits I was entitled to becasue I was too proud to.

I'm completely with climbingrose on this one. Expat- why are you so annoyed that she has claimed benefits for four years when she is now going back to work and will start to repay the money in taxes. You seem to be implying that just becuase she is educated she isn't entilteled to the same help your SIL got.

Thanks suejones and wildwoman...

For what it's worth it was only 2 and a half years of claiming, before that I worked full time and my ex was a SAHD.

Am still shocked at some people's reactions.

I once claimed unemployment pay during the holidays as a student - feel free to beat me with a big stick. In my defence I am currently paying enough to support my own coterie of students.

the maths is interesting as it actually does favour single parents on benefit over two parents living together on minimum wages..

What do you mean zippi? That single parents on benifits have more money that two parents on minimum wage? Because I beg to differ... It would depend on so many other variables like the rent or morgage paid.

But I do think it is sometimes very hard for people to get out of benifits when they wouldn't be any better off by doing so...there is something wrong there.

yes I do mean that

which is why you have the common thing of woman lives "on her own" with children and claims benefit and boyfriend or "ex" lives "elsewhere" with parents quite often

they are financially better off than both living together

suejonez

FWIW I'm now self employed and employ two other people (not university leavers) so am actually providing work for people...so definately making up for years of 'sponging'!!

and she has the added benefit of spending time with her child/children

zippi - yep agree if you're on benifits you would lose some if you then moved in with someone, something seriously wrong with the system though if you end up better-off on benifits than working. Will hardly motivate people to go out and work will it?

but surely those people who fiddle the benifit sytem are in the minority?? ...or do I give people the benifit of the doubt too often?

There are lots of examples of things I don't agree with today with regard to this.

For instance a 19 year old who lives with her parents, never worked only ocasionally in parent shop, has just found out she it pregnant and is over the moon. She isn't stupid and is definitely not in what I would call a stable relationship, the father is a puff smoking child himself, although he works, he still drives around with all of his friends in the car as a hobby. She will be on benefits until this child is 18 as far as she is concerned. She actually made this decision and has been down and put herself on the housing list etc.

I think that this particular example is very unfair on those people that do contribute by paying tax and it has made me very very angry that she can just do this. What sort of life will she & her child have, not much of one really, so I expect she will end up drepressed and will use the NHS more than most etc etc.

What is sad is that she couldn't see anything better for herself, after all, what else is really out there these days.

This is when I despair at 'single mothers benefit'. Certainly not when someone ends up in this trap through no fault of their own.

UCM that's sad, that she probably didn't see anything better for herself.

I honestly think that people who go on about 'single mothers' are talking about people like this girl, not women who are in genuine need.

Do you think it's right CR that she could just choose this way of life?

well it quite often happens that the girls get pregnant and the boys hang out smoking dope and cruising round town

it is sad