The rise of single parent families

[speedymama]

BBC website have a story on the increasing numbers of single parent households and it is being discussed on the Have Your Say forum. My mouth fell open when I read some postings and I thought I would share them here. Please note that as usual, there is no mention of the fathers.

"The problem here is that many girls don't have the morals or self-respect to keep their legs shut. This lack of morals and lack of respect then permiates into the world at large - which is what causes the problem.

The stark fact is that in 21st century britain, becoming a single parent is clearly the best career option open to a large number of teenage girls.

"Of course it matters. Social decay courtesy of poor parenting and a weak Government.

If you are not in a committed relationship, don't have children.

If you are intent on being a single parent career sponger, don't have children as an economy enhancer.

I'm fed up with paying for other peoples social mistakes. Come on Britain!!"

ebenezer, no - those of us bringing up children on our own are not absent - we're the only ones there - the opposite of absent! maybe 'present parent' families would be more appropriate!

Yes, Pesha, it includes housing benefit and council tax benefit, as people who don't get this benefit pay for these out of their income, so it is included in you 'whole' income. the figures are from 'entitledto.com' and are generally pretty accurate.

thank you Sakura

I do agree with Ebeneezer, that maybe it is time to look at the language attached to one-parent families, to remind Joe 'We pay our taxes' Public that most of the women their taxes are supporting have been put in their situation by someone else's choices, not their own.

I understand what she means by 'absent-parent families' - it would serve as a reminder, maybe, that there is another parent, somewhere.

Pesha - forgot to add - I used my house as a base for the housing and CT benefits, but I do know they will pay more than that if your rent is higher, up to a certain amount.

coldotz worked out some figures ...sorry i was too lazy to look

I have been through all these figures so many times in the last few years

if there aren't council or ha homes availablr (which let's face it there aren't)

then housing benefit pays for private rental so in this are 550-750 monthly

people have to think very carefully about jobs and partnerships when it comes to covering that

dps niece is sahm on housing benefit with her partner as long as he doesn't earn above a certain amount (not sure what 150 or thereabouts i think)

of course this means that they are never going to be eleigible for council property aka low rents so makes it difficult to get off this rung

eg, if I put in that my renty is £110 a week, and council tax is £300 pa higher, it still pays the lot, with an income of £273.23 per year.

Each council has their own cut off point to what they will pay, but you can see how, in high rent areas, people can be caught in a situation where they cannot afford to stop claiming benefits.

Thanks colditz. Persephone - I think you misunderstood my post. The reason 'single parent' is a misnomer is thay actually very very few children only have one living parent. The reason I think the language is important is as colditz says, to use 'single parent' distances the absent parent from their responsibilities. It implies that one parent can just leave the other parent plus society through taxes) to shoulder the emotional, social and economic burden of raising chldren. I'm not trying to judge anyone here of suggest there are simple answers. But I do believe that a starting point is recognising that every mother and father has a responsibility to any children they bring into the world.

It occurred to me this morning that there is something very simple I can do. I am lucky enough to have three sons, perhaps if us mothers of sons make an extra effort (although I am sure most on here try like I do) to bring them up realising that a child is a 50 - 50 commitment it might help. I mean, OK you don't want them in a bad relationship but you can be a good parent even if not resident and be a parent that way, if needs be.

I quite often get comments like '3 boys? ooh, lucky you, you won't have to worry about them getting pg when they're teenagers'

Eh? the baby would be my grandchild too, I'd worry and want to care about it. And as part of the best way of caring for a baby is to care for the Mum, she would be partly my concern too.

Or as dh puts it

' If you do the deed, you answer for the seed'

elegant no, true yes.

Someone posted on the BBC website "if you can't feed it, don't breed it".

If only life could be as reductive as that.

imagine being trapped in a relationship with one of these characters as presumably they would never become estrasnged from a partner in this life

I just so hate how they tar every single mum witht he same brush. I have no doubt that there are lots of single mums who do take the system for every penny and have no intention of ever working and just keep having more kids, but why assume that every single mum is like that.

I would absolutly love to be able to pay my rent myself, or even at least contribute to it. I hate being so dependent on the state for everthing, but it's just not as easy as people think to get off benefits and into work.

The other day I spent about 2 hours going through loads of different job sites, local paper, jobcentre site, hospital sites and I even went through every school that has a website to see if they had any vacancies and I didn't find one single job that I could apply for because I have little experiance and no qualifications.

I did however find 3 trainee apprenticeship jobs available but at 28 I am too old .
Training on the job would be perfect for me, but someone has seen fit to assume that once you get to 24 your past it in terms of learning and being hardworking.

Your damned if you do and damned if you don't, simple as that.

Nutty is there and FE college in your area? Sounds like something like access would suit you

peachy re: your sons - yes you are much right.

the parents of today dictate the parents of tomorrow - not just sons but daughters too.

get your daughters with a 5 year implant from aged 14

its more difficult with boys.

i used to buy condoms for my son - until he got the balls to get them free from family planning.

even then i still got them so i knew he has them.

so with oys until the MALE PILL is on the market - as parents we are limited regarding contraception for our boys.

i think also many girls, boys and parents dont give a shit about statuatory rape.

this terrified me - my son could be on the child protection register for being 16 ( at the time) and having sex with his 15 ( at the time) year old girlfriend.

as parents we have to have an open p[olicy - create an environment where words like "period" are not said in hushed tones, where contraception can be talked about openly.

and i think the big one is - if you have an expectation of your child, and they have an ambition for the future - they are less likley to want to (INTHIS ORDER!)

a) dissapoint you

b) fuck up the future.

condoms still important though custy because of diseases.

i cant be there while they put a condom on.

i can take to doctors to have implant / male pill if it came out.

Yep am investigating doing access to teaching at the mo Peachy, just waiting unitl monday when the right staff are back at the college and will then ring them up.

Yes I think I'd do the condoms thing too Custy (when they're old enough), DS1 and ds2 have asked about babies and we (have always done the in a lovingr elationship bit

Mind you, I belive that the fact DH is very involved is a huge part of the puzzle role model wise, and how do you give that to famillies who are already single aprent with an absent father? Its only natural the boys will see that as more normal

Mayube should mention absent mothers here too- MIL had one

Hey Nutty i did that, graduated from it 2 years ago

My email is peachesandcream04 at btinternet dot com if you want a chat / support / help at any time (2 years into my degree atm)

Good luck!

Oh yes I am not disagreeing with you on that - think an implant and condoms would be the sensible option. (Apart from in my case where the implant caused excessive bleeding, that is...)

Ahh thanks Peachy

What degree are you doing now ??? Think I may have already asked you that before but my memory is crap

Did you do the access course part time or full time ?

Ah there's a story Nutty LOL!

I'm doing world religions, t do RE at PGCE

I enrolled part time but embarassingly accrued enough points to grad after a year.

WOW thats brilliant, will definatly be contacting you if I end up doing it then

I want to do the course full time, but ti seems i'd need to do my maths gcse too and the access course only offers access maths so i'd have to do gcse maths along side it. Maths is my very worst subject so I think i might have to do the course part time over 2 years instead, so that I have enough time to get to grips with and do gcse maths too.

I want to go on to do a BEd in Early Years Education if poss.

You don't need maths GCSE to do the B- ed early years- I was offered that at U/ wales cardiff and I only ahd the access maths (which btw is GCSE equivalent anyway if you get it at level 3, which we all did). The access is very widely valued, I was offered Theology at bristol, frined is doing english at Exeter and another doing English at bristol, which involved going into an anonymous showdown with over a thousand other students and submitting an essay- and getting a place! Wow!

Ok, first part of your last post sounds fab and the second part sounds very scary LOL.

I have been told recently though that a few people have applied to uni and then been told that their access maths isn't enough and they've ended up having to do gcse maths too. I wish they would make it clear and decide one way or another.

Perhaps it depends on the uni.

God i need to go get dressed, else it will be tea time and i'll still be in my pj's.

do you know which uni you want to go to? because you can e-mail the admissions team and ask.

A few people combined Aces with a GCSe in whatever which they did distance / open learning. Does your Fe have an open learning dept? I would also ask if, as long as you achieve at level 3, you can just enter the GCSE- Maths is maths after all.