On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

[ThePinkNinja]

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

Hello. Birdies directed me here. Nothing to add at present, too brain-fried from cooking tea for toddler and joggling the boy in the sling. He's head butting me now but at least DS1 has a plate of food in front of him.

I may lurk for a while and post random stuff at 3am...

Oh yes, DS1 is 2.5, DS2 4 weeks.

News from the frontline.... Baby is now 6 weeks old, big brother is 2.2

I expected things to have settled down by now. Instead, it feels worse. Looks like baby has colic, and her brother still hates her, screams every time she makes a noise, started hitting me and baby too when I feed her. He hardly eats anything, and appears to have turned into a small teenager. Everything is a battle of the wills! Health visitor said they'll be " keeping an eye on him" due to his repetitive behaviours and inability to deal with change, trying to come to terms with what this might imply.

Feel so drained, disheartened and low. I have no close friends I can talk to. I feel like a crap mother, like my babies hate me. Just no light at the end of the tunnel at the moment :(

annie, much sympathy. Have you tried changing your diet to see if it helps the colic? I now realise that lots of DS2's early screamy evenings were due to dairy intolerance. He also reacts via my milk to all nuts, seeds and I think to tomatoes, oranges and lentils, plus one other food we're trying to identify at the moment which caused first sick, then nasty poo.

6-8 weeks is when newborn unsettledness usually peaks, so hang in there, it should improve soon.

DS1 has had allergy tests which confirmed several more allergies including one I really hoped we'd been mistaken about. :( More tests in a fortnight. He also is reacting to things through my milk and it's a real guessing game to try to work out what. Food is a complete nightmare, especially as he refuses all veg apart from things he's allergic to and I try not to give too much fruit as he has yeast issues at the moment.

And I would LOVE for my evenings to start before 9pm. DS2 is 16 weeks now - I hoped he'd be settling earlier by now. Even when he does sleep it's on my front in the sling - I can't put him down. A child-free cuddle with DH would be nice but currently impossible.

Thanks, sorry you've had such a tough time! I don't think it's food intolerances- seems the same whatever/ whether I eat! Hope it settles soon... I think the toddler is the more difficult one to deal with at the moment, sweet little boy just turned into Kevin the teenager overnight... But on the other hand I feel I really upset his world by having this baby, feel guilty even though I love them both

Hey guys, when do u start leaving your little ones to cry it out at night. I don't agree with controlled crying, I can't relax in feel anxiety whilst its going on so there's no point me trying. Dd 13 wks has self settled a number of times so I know she's capable. Maybe 2-3 times a week. What I don't do is leave her when she starts whinging after putting her down, I go straight up and cuddle her to sleep. Should I leave her for 5/10 mins to see what transpires or would you say she's to young. Also would it be classed as controlled crying??
I'm getting muddled as to what to do as I know she's got the makings of a good sleeper in her but she also knows she doesn't have to try that hard before mummy comes back in to see her.
Opinions ???

Debbie - for me it depends on what kind of noises they are making - if it is just whinging then I'd leave mine to see what happens (my DD2 is 20 weeks and will now settle sometimes from a whinging start!) but I wouldn't leave a baby this age who is properly crying. That's just what I think though.

DD1 has got much better this last couple of weeks - a combination of her sleeping better again and me being more on the ball and getting out of the house more often. And last night DD2 slept from 10pm til 6am!!! Wow, I could hardly believe my eyes when I looked at the clock when she woke. I did wake up in a puddle of milk though

debbie, for me, never. :) I think controlled crying is basically leaving them for 5/10 mins at a time to see if they settle. It's not recommended before 6 months.

If they were whingeing that'd be different - I think some babies need a whinge before they sleep, depending on whether they increase tension by crying or decrease tension by crying. e.g here: www.askmoxie.org/2011/01/tension-increasers.html

I do love my kids I do love my kids...... This chant is getting me through this evening !

Debbie I mostly chant 'I love my bed' whilst glaring at kids on the crying debate I'm also not in the cc camp, didn't with ds1 and won't with ds2.

so tired. still waiting for things to get easier.

I've given up in trying to force the self settling, currently rocking to sleep. Just going to go with the flow and pray shel turn out like dc1 and get the system by 5-6 months x

My dd1 was rocked to sleep for 8 months or so then one night she whinged a bit and settled herself as if by magic. I tried cc once when I was really struggling and vowed never to do it again, it was awful and didn't work. That day was the worst I've had as a mother. Cc is just not for me. I'd forgotten about that article Angeldog, its good isn't it.

Can I join in please. Bit late as dd2 is 10 weeks and ds 2 is 2.8 but I am on my last legs! Dd is utterly gorgeous but I think (hope) we are coming to the end of her colicky phase. I still can't put her down for long and she doesn't sleep much during the day but at least she isn't screaming. Ds is playing me up immensely. He totally senses my weakness at the moment and is doing his best to push all my buttons all of the time. With this and my older two (7 and 5) I feel stretched to the limit and an utterly crap parent. Please tell me it will get easier soon.....and if not that you share my pain!

Hi Jen welcome to the madhouse :-)

I can finally put my 6 week old DD down in the afternoons! In case it helps anyone else, what's worked for me is:

• i swaddle and feed her
• dark and quiet room
• side to side fisher price swing
• I let her sleep on me for a bit before putting her in

I take her out when she wants feeding and she goes back in afterwards. Am worried I'm speaking too soon but my Velcro baby is not so stuck on me now!

Right, can anyone help me get her to go more than 1-2 hours between feeds at night?!

ds2 at 4 months is still the great un-put-down-able baby. I mean, 30-60secs after being put down he is completely screaming the house down. it makes the day so difficult with ds1 and I'm really really sick of it. play with your goddamn play gym, child!!!

welcome to new people. I shall let you know the very minute anything gets any easier.

I went to a new playgroup today and found myself telling another mum that yes, it's getting easier and I think I actually meant it!

I have bad days, obviously and only a few days ago felt like I was really going to breakdown. But generally, overall, most days, it's getting easier bit by bit.

DD1 played with and around DD2 a lot today. DD2 looks for her siblings now and is genuinely interested and entertained by them, which gives me a few minutes to walk away from them.

Still getting next to no sleep at night but that's a desperate issue.

So, in conclusion, IME, it gets easier at approx 5 months (21 weeks) in!!

I meant sleep is a separate issue, although it is also desperate!!!

Hello all!
I don't know if this is the right topic to ask my Q. But I will try my luck with hope to get some advice.
We have a 3 years old boy. He is lovely, still waking up at nights, wont help to put his toys away, wont eat, just store his food in the mouth.. But he is very loving and funny. But I notice, that he is jealous.
Q is: I would like to have one more child, but my big worry is- how will DB cope???

Hi Berdies and Crazy. Just to cheer you up a bit- my DD was just the same.Could not put her down for a bit. It was a nightmare. But time goes by, and goes fast, and now she is 21... and I don't see her for days before she will pop in for money . So enjoy now, girls, whilst they need you.
It is not easy, but when you are feeling low or down, when you feeling like near hating them, just think about future, think that it wont last long before they will be embarrassed to give you a kiss or hug in front of their friends...
Hope that helps. Best wishes to all of you..

Annie, try try probiotic yogurt ( dannon activia ) 20-30 minutes before feeding, it helped for my son, and for my neighbor worked.
Good luck.

Liu38 - if he's jealous what a great way of helping him learn how to deal with it. I think jealousy is in all of us even the ones who would never admit it. He's 3 so he'l have abit more understanding of what's coming. My ds was 2.4 he never knew really that his world was going to be turned upside down. I was worried to but he actualy coped pretty fair. 14 wks in he now gets quite protective of our dd. Growing up I think it's nice for them to have a sibling to play with, get excited about Xmas with. Not have to hang out with mum an dad all the time. I wouldn't let how he is at 3 let that effect the decision. Plus think of the free time you'll have when they are old enough to entertain each other :-)

Debbie, thank you for advice (well, it's me, Liu, I just changed my nick ). My DD grow up as only child, same as me, and I feel like it wasn't too great. I mean, it's not the end of the world, but something is missing. And to be honest, your advise helped me a lot. Thank you.
But wouldn't it be too big gap? 4 years?
Cos my kids got gap of 18 years and they are not very close. I know, 4 y -not 18, but still...

Buy the way.. About controlled crying. I don't agree with it as well. My DD started to go to sleep on her own when she was about 4. My DS still cuddles up with me before falling asleep. That does not take long, only 10-20 minutes. But without stress and tears and broken hearts.
It all depends on you, really. If it's o'k with you to spend some time in their bedrooms, don't worry. In the end of the day, they won't demand you to sleep with them when they are older.
But it's all up to your own life stile.

Well today I did the 90 min + drive to my parents house today with my 2 then back home. I really had to go out of my comfort zone to do it and thankfully they were angels Both ways. Il sleep happy tonight....#Iftheyletme