On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

[ThePinkNinja]

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

Very nice to hear some success stories. Right now I'd love to fast-forward a year or four, but keep reminding myself that it will get easier. I'd just like an unbroken night's sleep and some decent weather to get out in comfortably very soon. Still feeling very tired and confined.

A low point for me was when DS2 was about 8 weeks and DS1 just turned two. I hauled us all out of the house, which took hours, to a library for a playtime thingie. I was suffering from awful nipple infections at the time and feeding was agony, so I took along a carton of formula and a bottle. In the first 10 mins some other massive kid stepped on DS2's head (leaving a boot imprint). DS1 tantrummed throughout and then picked up the open carton and accidently sprayed it all over me and DS2. Meaning no milk left and I would have to use my weeping nipple. I hadn't eaten for about 15 hours and I just lost it, shouting 'YOU IDIOT!' at the top of my voice. To my 2 year old child. In a library. Who, unsurprisingly, burst into tears.

Benang, huge commiserations on the pox. Both kids had it when DS2 was about 4 months and my husband caught it. Adult chickenpox is godawful and he really suffered. I really feel for you.

benang you poor thing with chicken pox - stuff of worst nightmares!!

everso I'm with you on just wanting a decent night's sleep.

ds2 had me up 4 times last night. ds1 has a stinking cold and is on his very worst behaviour. having an appalling day and I'm so shattered so am not coping well. I feel permanently like a frazzled shell of my former self, liable to snap at any moment.

both ds currently avoiding sleep - ds2 at 16wks hasn't actually slept since just before 7am. what do you do with a sleep refusing baby when you have to be out and about for your toddler? ds2 is now past it with tiredness and is driving me potty. meanwhile ds1 is trashing anything in his room he can reach from his cot, which from the sound of it is far too much.

give me strength. and chocolate.

dilys I can so sympathise with your library low point, sounds awful today I was lugging ds2 in carseat and kicking screaming ds1 under arm across a busy carpark whilst people looked on like this this or this I had a number of murderous inclinations.

I officially hate evenings. I'm still up with lily. Started putting her up at 8 and I'm still going. It's starting to really piss me off. She refuses to sleep anywhere except on me. Really really tired and fed up

If it's any comfort, debbie, tonight was the FIRST time in 15 weeks that I've been able to put DS2 down for a sleep in the evening. Admittedly I had to feed him again after 45 mins (a looooong feed) and again a bit later, so overall I probably wasted more time than I normally would by having him in the sling.

The longest he's stayed asleep lying down without me is 5 mins though, so that's progress.

Many sympathies to everyone upthread. :)

when is ds2 going to be happy to be put down in the day? he's 17wks tomorrow and still a total Velcro baby. I want to be able to get down on the floor and give ds1 my full attention again. the sling helps but isn't perfect.

I'm just tired of being a crap mum to both of them. can't give either my full, proper attention, I'm bloody tired and I've sort of had enough really. thought it'd be easier by now.

Ah, thank you crazypaving and dilys4trevor. I dreaded the pox but it wasn't as bad as I'd feared--DS was over the newborn period by the time he got it, and his case was very mild, maybe thanks to the antivirals I was on. But I feel very stoopid for not getting vaccinated before I got pregnant.

Current status: one child plugged into CBeebies on iplayer, while eating instant risotto, the other one dangling out of the sling at a precarious angle (which he insists upon, I might add).

I am so tired I can't speak properly, and clearly can't do the bold text thingy.

Sympathies, crazypaving - I find it hard to get down on the floor too, even though DS2 is really happy to be put down when he's awake. That must be really wearing.

Re putting down in the day. If you mean awake, well ds2 is 21 weeks today and as long as he is well fed and winded and not ready for a sleep, he is happy to spend time in his rocking swing. He is even more happy to spend time on his play mat with arches and hanging toys, and even more happy to spend time in his jumperoo - he will happily do 30 mins or more in there. He has a bouncer chair but he doesn't like to be in there for long, as he is at the stage where he tries to sit upright and the bouncer chair is too reclined for his liking!!!!

If you meaning putting down to sleep in the day, ds1 would not sleep in the day unless he was in the car or on me. We later found out that this was because he had really bad reflux and it was hurting him to lie down. Took till he was 9 months before he would sleep in his cot in the day. Ds2 doesn't have reflux, and he will already have at least one of his daytime naps in his crib, although it does involve rocking him for a couple of minutes to get him to settle asleep. That's the bit that frustrates me as he will self settle at night and first thing in the morning but from about 9am onwards he refuses to self settle! Because he is so big now (wearing 9-12 month clothes!) we need to move him out of his crib into his cot, which we won't be able to rock.....so I foresee problems with getting him to settle....

After a Shit few nights, I've stuck a Muslim in Lily's cot with sprayed breast milk all over it. She's gone down from 9.10 no probs. might be worth a try x

what did the Muslim think about the breastmilk spray? sorry that did make me arf

consulting the oracle of babies, the wonder weeks, apparently ds2 is in the middle of a bastard nightmare fussy phase which should get better at 19 weeks. 2 to go then, yippee. and at 19 weeks he'll suddenly lie on his mat and kick and coo happily, right? ds1 was just like this. I ordered an easier baby this time

The Muslim loved it ha ha, fricking phone x

omg, the Muslim. funniest thing I have read in, possibly, forever. thanks for that. much needed after a rough dqy, during which it seemed that at least one but usually both kids were crying.

DS's daytime sleep pretty non-existent right now. DD took a 2hr nap in the afternoon but woke up screaming & crying & wouldn't stop for an hour. I first tried comforting her and distracting her but when neither worked, I just had to let her get it out of her system. refused a bath (2nd day in a row) but was otherwise a darling the rest of the evening. DH finally home & putting her to bed while I try to get DS down. he' asleep in my arms right now, but has lately been waking whenever I put him in his cot. at least he sleeps pretty well still at night.

another day coming to a close w/ me feeling annihilated by these two.

benang I like your style DS2 tends to hang out of the sling at impossible angles too - most of which have been outlined by the manufacturers of the sling as being unsafe/unhealthy - and DS1 has been existing on ready meals since DS2 was born One day I will cook again...

And everso, annihilated is indeed the word. When they're both screaming at the same time I start a chant in my head "it can't get worse than this, it can't get worse than this..." But apparently it can go on and on and on and on and on!

My Threads I'm On doesn't show this one for some reason so I lost you all for a while there.

Came looking for you because I'm having the worst day, can't stop crying and just need to remind myself that I'm not alone and it will get better.
But right now, honestly, I hate this.

EMS sorry you're struggling You ok? how old is your DC2 now? I think my DS2 is going through a really intense period of development and it's buggering everything up. I felt like you last week, and am hoping next week will be better. Today wasn't, but at least I had DH here!

Thanks crazy.. DD2 is 20 weeks now and for the first 3 months it was DD1 (2.2yo) who was the nightmare but she's calmed down now which is great.
DD2 on the other hand is just such hard work. She doesn't sleep. She wakes every hour through the night and I'm exhausted. It's been like this for weeks. Despite a milk intolerance DD1 was sleeping through by this age and I guess I stupidly expected the same.
DD2's also on special milk but it doesn't seem to be helping her the way it did DD1. I had to fight the doctor to get it prescribed and now I'm not even sure it's the right thing for her. I'm doubting myself and wondering if its something else which makes me worry constantly and feel so anxious.

I feel like a shell, all I do is survive each day and I'm lonely because I live far away from my family and friends and I can't cope with the thought of going home for a visit and all the organising that would take to get us all there and the sleep nightmares it would no doubt entail as DD1 doesn't sleep well at my parents house.

My DH is wonderful plus he works from home so I'm not even on my own day to day like most mums are.
But he's very proud and there's no way I could ask anyone for some help (like my mum to do a night shift for us as a one off) as he just wouldn't have it.

I go back to work in 8 weeks and have a 1 hour commute each way (driving) and the idea of that, if DD2 still isn't sleeping by then just terrifies me. I'm not sure how I'll do it.

I know I just need some sleep and I'll feel a million times better but I'm wishing away the next 5 years at the moment and feel like I'm not enjoying the things I should be.

oh ems you poor thing, that does sound hard especially with work looming. it's so easy to doubt yourself. waking in the night a lot at this age isn't uncommon though - have you come across the 4 month sleep regression? sounds like that's what it could be? ds2 atm wakes at midnight for a feed then is up for the day at 3am which is pretty crippling.

it sounds like your dh is being a bit unreasonable though, unless he takes his fair share of night duties? if he doesn't help at night I think you should tell him exactly how you're feeling and get help, stuff his pride. it's a bit silly for you to suffer for the sake of his pride.

a lot can change in a few weeks though so don't despair. don't be embarrassed to go back to GP and ask for help just because you pushed hard for the prescription - everyone makes mistakes, including doctors, and having been through it with dc1 you had every reason to suspect the same with dc2. don't beat yourself up, this isn't easy.

big hug for you.

ds2 is currently asleep on me with boob in mouth. I don't have enough clothes on and am freezing but am too scared to move and risk waking him. pre-dc I would've thought this situation entirely ridiculous and would've sworn I'd never do anything like it. ha.

Ems my friends little girl has a milk intolerance they went through about 5 diff formulas before they found one that suited her, they had to really make a nuscience of themselves to get listened to. It's only because these modified milks are expensive that the doctors are reluctant to prescribe them. Is she under a specialist ?? That got the proscess going for them moving alot quicker. I do feel for for you because I remember the utter frustration my friend felt about not being listened to. X

CRAZY I had a complete meltdown this morning because I was sick of having to be in a state of constant undress in this cold weather to feed my child and he could swan around all warm and cosy wearing whatever he wants lol x

Thx crazy and Debbie.

DH, to be fair, is absolutely great and does his fair share both day and night. Generally I do more of the baby stuff, while he looks after DD1 and DSS. After DD2 was born and DD1's sleep went haywire, that meant he was actually up more in the night than me! Right now, I'm up more but it's swings and roundabouts.
He's just got this weird thing about us not having any help at all. It infuriates me TBH. In the last 2.2years (since DD1 was born) we've been out together twice, and one of those was a wedding and I forced him to leave the kids with my parents. He says we're parents now so no need for us to go anywhere without the kids. I hate this but I won't leave him over it and he won't change so stalemate!
Because I live far from family and friends, it means I'm very isolated. Asking my mum to come is a big deal involving hotel stays etc.. If we lived closer I think I'd find it easier to force the issue.

Anyway, yes, I have read about the 4 month sleep regression so am hoping it is that and at 20 weeks we should be coming to the end of it! Perhaps the milk intolerance is a red herring.

The doctor cited the cost (£50/ can, we need 3 per week) as a reason he was reluctant to prescribe it but after some discussion with the dietitian (who we haven't seen yet), he was advised to prescribe it till they see her. I don't know when that appointment will come through. Soon hopefully but it's not like they'll test her, so I fear I'll never really know.

Sorry, this post is a brain dump. I feel like a shell of a person at the moment and I feel sad for the fluffy blissful parenting experience I thought get. This is my last child so I guess I'll never know what it feels like to enjoy a newborn as I've hated the first year with both my kids now.

ems fwiw I can't imagine how anyone could possibly enjoy a newborn. toddlers are great, but babies? ergh.

Noooo I love babies, admittedly the 1st 12 wks are -afuckingnightmare- a challenge. Lily grasped at a toy today under her baby gym. I was having a downer ( seem to be having lots of them at the wkend ) ( when dp is at home ) it's made my day and its the start of 1sts. I love my little boy but his toddler ness sends me into a panic weekly at how fast he's growing up !

Ems that's so sad for you, I hated the 1st 6-7 months of dc1 I now know I had pnd but I never sought help tbh I knew I felt low but I didn't realise it was that. It has effected my relationship with my son he's very much a daddy's boy and he'l go to him before me anyday. It's Made me over compensate with dd I won't let her out my sight. Try and enjoy it I know it's hard x