- Pikey
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Unfortunately pikeys are the majority of today's youth, and everyone else has to suffer. Pikeys are the people who are eternally rude, make a mockery of the english language (I'm sure the person who invented the english language is having a fit). They are the people who make you feel uncomfortable for walking along the same street as then, and generally destroying today.
To get the right image in your mind:
Male pikey:
Dress - addidas or similar sports tracksuit bottoms, above the ankle of course, occasionally with the white socks pulled up over the top. astonishingly white trainers, as if they've just been stolen, popular sports make obviously. A nicholson or england polo shirt,or a polo shirt (and matching cap) with graffiti writing saying "love sex rock n' roll" or similar over and over again,
or general football shirt, a FCUK shirt and if you're lucky a cheapo "designer silk shir" (fresh from the local market) and usually an addidas or similar training jacket, or if not a hoodie pulled up over the cap. Large cheap gold chains hanging aroung their neck, fake of course but about 5 inches thick, and one gold earring. Fake burberry headwear of course, a nice fake burberry cap planted on their greasy heads under a hood, or a white cap covered in basketball team logos perched on top of their heads, not even in an attempt to stay on. Hair is usually very short, often shaved, if not completely gone, extremely greasy.
Traits: Young pikeys in cheap cars with spoilers, alloys and neon lights underneath of course. And just so you know you can hear a pikey coming from about 10 miles off, you can hear the "UMTA UMTA UMTA UMTA" of the drum and bass blasting out of their cars with their 3000 watt speakers. Council houses are their home, older pikeys usually don't work because "the country owes them a living and the government works for them" and young pikeys often don't go to school, intelligence is not their strong point. You will also see pikeys hurling abuse at innocent bystandersand often beating them up. Pikeys always hang around in groups of at least 10 at bus stops, parks, actually anywhere where there is something. You will also see pikeys standing on street corners smoking (no matter what age) and possibly with a bottle of white lightning or similar cheap alcohol. Shoplifting and fighting are good hobbies.
Female Pikey:
Dress- female pikeys often change their style of dress but of course are instantly recognisable. The first type of female pikey dress is not unlike the male pikey's, addidas tracksuit bottoms (of course about 3 inches above the ankle), sometimes not addidas, but usually, the sporty trainers or if not the "loafers" hard to describe because in a pikey sense they are slightly different but i'm sure you get the picture. Again a nicholson or england polo shirt or usually again FCUK with an addidas or Kappa training jacket or with a white parka, white puffer jacket with the grey furry hood (unfortunately they seem to have dropped the "hoodie and the denim jacket with the hood hanging on the outside of the denim jacket on"), this is of course complimented by the fake burberry scarf. The jewellery is really something, again the large gold chains, with gold crosses usually, and their ears are usually pierced about 10 times, with the largest gold hoops you have ever seen in your life, now these hoops can either be so large you could make animals jump through them, or so thick that the pikey must have industrial strength ears to keep them on their head. The other type of female pikey has the same sort o tops and the same jewellery, but usually has tight jeans, three quarter length, and a pair of beige or black quite flat fabric boots, usually suede effect, or if not an extremely short miniskirt that a normal person would usually describe as a belt. Of course all female pikeys have the same hair and make-up, usually dyed blonde with quite evident black roots (unless they're a true blonde, then they're just very lucky sarcasm), all pikey females will have their hair scraped back up into a very tight pony tail towards the top of their head, usually with gel and about 20 hair clips and of course a fake burberry hair tie, in fact the pony tail usually pulls their skin up so they find it quite hard to move their face or make any expression (also known as the pikey face lift). The make-up is a pikey art, foundation, as much foundation as possible in a pikey's opinion, i personally think that they must spread it on with either rollers or paintbrushes, but either way at the end of the day their faces are so alarmingly orange that if you look at them for too long not only will you be beaten up but you may be blinded. In general as much make-up as possible.
Traits: Usually found in groups of at least 10 alongside the male pikeys, usually following the male pikeys in what they do. Usually chewing gum and staring at every person that walks past and giving them "evils" and if you so much as glance at them you get the reply "wot you starin' at?", "you lookin' at me?", "wos your problem?" and if you dare going within 10 feet of one "wot you doin'" or "you breavin on me?". Poular pastimes include smoking, drinking, skiving off school, shoplifting and getting pregnant, most pikeys are mothers by at least 17.
There is so much more i could say about pikeys, but I'd be here all night and it makes me very angry. I hope this helps you in your everyday lives, good luck, the streets are dangerous out there.
also known as:
chavs, townies, rudies, kevs, neds (non educated delinquents), wiggers(those who think they are black), tracky bashers the list goes on
Vicky Pollard from little britain
(though really with the pikey spelling it should be Vikki)