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3 month old in nursery opinions
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issy2165 · 11/10/2017 18:50

Hi there, first time pregnancy here and I'm looking for peoples advise on putting the baby in nursery at 3 months. I don't want any horrible things said just advise. I only get 6 weeks smp before it drops to £140 a week and me and my partner cannot afford to live on this wage we are high earners and with a mortgage etc it's not possible at all. I don't have any family that I can trust to look after the baby either. I feel like a bad mother already but I want to be able to afford to keep a roof over his/her head! Please help I'm in such a pickle!!

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BertramTheWalrus · 11/10/2017 18:52

Have you thought about a childminder or a nanny?

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issy2165 · 11/10/2017 18:54

This is my problem I don't know what the best option is!

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2014newme · 11/10/2017 18:55

If you are high earners can you manage on one salary for a while or can you save up before baby comes?

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windowSong · 11/10/2017 18:55

Nursery is absolutely fine for a 3 month old. Have you visited to get a feel for it? You may need to book a place very soon!

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Fluteytootey · 11/10/2017 18:56

I'd be looking at a nanny in your shoes. Can you afford one?

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Katescurios · 11/10/2017 18:56

My Lg started nursery at 9 months, if I had to return to work earlier I would have been happy for the nursery we chose to care for her.

It is important to find somewhere that you are happy with. I liked that I didn't need to make an appt to wiew, I just showed up and they were happy to walk me round. The kids all looked happy, they were loud, messy but most importantly smiling. They had a couple of little babies and one was being carried around fast asleep in a sling by a carer because she only slept while held. Seeing those things and how child led they were convinced me.

If you feel uncomfortable with a nursery, then consider child minder or nanny care as well.

Definitely take some time now to view nurseries and childminders, the 3 months post birth will fly by.

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welshweasel · 11/10/2017 18:57

My DS went to full time nursery when he was 4 months old (but was 5 weeks prem so 3 months adjusted). I won't lie, it was hard for me for the first few weeks but when they are that little they settle with no problem. Make sure you pick a nursery with a small baby room (under ones only ideally) with a well established key worker system. He was basically cuddled all day and looked after brilliantly. He's now almost 2 and still loves going there. He adores his first key worker from when he was a baby, talks about her all the time at home and she pops into his current room to see him every day. I felt far more comfortable with a tiny non verbal baby being in a nursery setting than with a single caregiver but I appreciate others will have different opinions.

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Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 11/10/2017 18:57

A child minder or nanny would be better. I'm speaking as an ex Nursery Practioner. I wouldn't have put my 3 month old in a Nursery.

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NerrSnerr · 11/10/2017 18:58

For a 3 month old I would consider a child minded or nanny. I would also try and save a buffer just in case you need to start your maternity leave early, I didn’t make it past 33 weeks with either of mine due to SPD and HG. If you’re high earners could you save like mad so you have more time?

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AliPfefferman · 11/10/2017 18:59

I'm American and this is the complete norm there, at pretty much all types of jobs. It's not easy, especially if your baby isn't a great sleeper, but it's not the end of the world either. You won't get supportive responses on here because people aren't used to it but really it is fine. In some ways it's easier to leave them when they're tiny because they won't have separation anxiety. Obviously you will make sure your baby is in a caring and safe environment. Doing what you need to do to support your family does NOT make you a bad mother.

If you feel shitty about the responses you get on here, go to an American message board and ask the same thing. You will feel much better.

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SunFinished · 11/10/2017 18:59

I think a childminder might work when young and then maybe nursery when older and wanting to interact more ?
I've found that my baby didnt sleep too well at nursery as too much stimulus and etc.
You have to do what you feel is right. Maybe visit some nurseries and child minders to get some idea of what you feel about them

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issy2165 · 11/10/2017 19:03

Thank you everyone. I'm going to have a look at a few nurseries and see what they are like and go from there. I just think of the things that you want to be there for i.e. Them starting to walk or talk or anything I don't want to miss out on those special times! Ah the poor baby isn't born yet and I'm already worrying 😩

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ExCoffeeAddict · 11/10/2017 19:03

Have a look at all the options- if your working long days then a nanny would probably be best as they can be more flexible and stay later- dd nursery only opens till 6 which can be an issue when I'm in a meeting that overruns or something comes up I need to 'deal' with but it's worked for us. My dd didn't start until she was 10m BUT the nursery does have very small babies and the baby room was for under 1 only and felt lovely cosy and homely. Get a feel for some in your location and see what you think

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AliPfefferman · 11/10/2017 19:07

I also agree that unless your childcare practitioner is a family member, I would prefer to leave a young baby in a nursery setting than a nanny or indicidual CM. A tiny baby can't give you any indication of what happens all day. I know there are lovely nannies out there and I'm not even talking about being abusive or anything, but I can tell you firsthand that caring for a newborn can be really boring, and you have to kind of force yourself to talk to the baby and entertain it. I've seen SO many nannies (or women who appear to be nannies) with tiny babies either on the phone or with their faces glued to the phone and not chatting with the child at all. You'd never know when you came home at the end of the day if your baby was ignored or engaged. With a nursery there are supervisors and other staff and parents to help keep an eye on things.

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BackforGood · 11/10/2017 19:11

If you have to go back to work, then you have to go back to work, so it doesn't matter if some random on the internet thinks it is bad.
However, do remember that Nursery isn't the only option. Nanny is always suggested on here, but would be out of the reach, financially of the vast majority of the population. Childminders however, are more comparable (or can be cheaper in many cases) than Nurseries, and they certainly provide a more 'homely' environment. I chose a CMer as I felt if I couldn't be at home, I still wanted my dc to have 'as close to that' experience as I cold give them.

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Spanneroo · 11/10/2017 19:16

We used a childminder while DD was little because she had reflux and needed to be carried all the time. The childminder was able to better accommodate for her so we went with that. We really clicked with our childminder and my daughter had a lovely home from home experience with her.

Definitely research your options now while you're not working around a baby. I think you'll find one of the options 'feels' right. That's the one to go with.

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Adviceplease360 · 11/10/2017 19:21

It's incredibly tough leaving a small child anywhere. I feel the same about wanting to be present for the first words/crawl/anything. Is there any chance you could move to allow a smaller mortgage and maybe work part time? Or take a longer maternity if its affordable on one salary? Before anyone jumps on me, we bought smaller home/cheaper area and this allowed longer mat leaves and part time work for me while oh worked full time. Something to consider.

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pitterpatterrain · 11/10/2017 19:25

My DD1 went to nursery at 5.5 months. We looked carefully as PP mentioned although many say they take from 3 months many don't have experience.

We found a great nursery with a really caring team and a separate baby room but they got to interact with older children in a structured way.

With hindsight, it was easier with DD2 staying that bit longer off and getting over the weaning hurdle.

Could you do shared parental leave? We did this time and my DH had I think 4 weeks paid - so that could be one way of stretching out their time with parents if you want a little longer for them at home.

Also makes it so much easier to go back to work when you don't have to manage kid logistics as well as getting back into work whilst experiencing sleepless nights.

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museumum · 11/10/2017 19:30

In the U.K. there aren’t a lot of 3mo old babies in Nursery. My son went at 6mo and only just sitting up and only just eating food. He was great there but he was the youngest and they weren’t really set up for babies any younger.
If I were you I’d think about visiting Child minders to see. Obviously you’d have to find one you really clicked with and trusted.

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LittleBirdBlues · 11/10/2017 19:30

It's a very personal decision and impossible to tell how you will feel about it when your baby arrives.

I second the opinion to tighten your belts now and save a good amount eveey month.
I'd ry to save enough to get out through 6 months (when your baby can sit up)

I spent very little money during maternity leave, you don't go out much etc and babies cost very little.

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Ttbb · 11/10/2017 19:32

Can you afford a nanny? I wouldn't put a baby in a nursery.

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WhatsThisNow · 11/10/2017 19:32

Did you not consider any of this before becoming pregnant?

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WhatsThisNow · 11/10/2017 19:35

Of course you shouldn't put a 3 month old in a nursery. If you're high earners, spend less, save more and stay at home. Isn't it obvious? Even the most career-minded of my friends managed 6 months at home after giving birth.

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user1499169579 · 11/10/2017 19:49

Get a nanny.
So your child is in their own home with consistent care giver.
Your child's immunity is not fully made by three months, so if possible shouldn't be lots of strangers.
As he develops you want him to have one to one attention

In my option. If a nanny (live in or live out) isn't possible then child minder is second best option, with nursery the least good option

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Mum2jenny · 11/10/2017 19:51

I think it depends on the nursery in the uk, the one I used took babies from 6 weeks and many young babies were there.

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