3 month old in nursery opinions

[issy2165]

Hi there, first time pregnancy here and I'm looking for peoples advise on putting the baby in nursery at 3 months. I don't want any horrible things said just advise. I only get 6 weeks smp before it drops to £140 a week and me and my partner cannot afford to live on this wage we are high earners and with a mortgage etc it's not possible at all. I don't have any family that I can trust to look after the baby either. I feel like a bad mother already but I want to be able to afford to keep a roof over his/her head! Please help I'm in such a pickle!!

Just re-read my earlier post. I of course meant maternity leave due to sickness

You might not feel ready/fit enough to go back to work full time as it takes time to recover from pregnancy and birth especially if birth isn't as straight forward as you've hoped for ( I do hope you have a straight forward birth).

Bumwad that makes more sense, I was thinking you meant any maternity leave at all before 36 weeks (including women choosing to start maternity leave before then).

I logged in to ask for advice myself (again related to nurseries but for an 18 month old) when I noticed this and thought I'd share my bit of experience.

It's a tough situation to be in. If you really have no choice and have to return to work after 3 months, then you just have to do what you have to do, regardless of what a bunch of strangers say online.

You've probably checked this already, but I'll state the obvious just in case. If you're both high earners, have you checked whether your employers top up the regular maternity/parental leave for the first 6 months to match your usual salary? A lot of companies do that.

I personally wouldn't put my 3 month old in a nursery. At this age a baby needs him mum and lots of cuddles and attention, someone responding to their cries and every need. I'm not convinced a carer in a nursery looking after 2 other children will do that well.

Can you take a couple of months maternity until he/she is at least 6 months old? When they start becoming more mobile and more aware of the world around them, they can at least entertain themselves to a degree while their key worker is looking after the other babies, so there will be less crying. But again, I have no actual experience with the baby room in a nursery, just the experience of looking after one baby at home and that can be a handful! ;)

Also if you can, try to keep your options open, as you might change your mind after the baby arrives. I personally changed my mind twice about when to return to work and leave my DS with someone else.

I'm a big fan of nurseries - my DS started at 10 months and has thrived. But I wouldn't put a 3 month old in. I'm on mat leave with 7 month old now and she feels too young still. I assume this is your first? Trust me at 3 months the last thing you will probably want to do is go back to work. You'll be absolutely knackered. I appreciate you may not have a choice and if that's the case I do sympathise but your comment about being high earners sounds like there should be options. Mortgage break, saving etc.

Have a look round some nurseries - the one we use takes babies from six weeks old and has a lovely cosy baby room with at least four members of staff always there - max. of eight babies. They were keen to follow her/our routine and the babies were constantly being cuddled and held if they wanted it. We particularly looked out for a nursery that employed older men and women as well as younger ones, and for one that retained staff long term.

DD didn't start until 12 months but I'd have been very happy for her to have gone there earlier - they all had a keyworker so built up a great relationship with a particular person.

‘Nursery causes attachment disorder’

Not quite what I said - but being removed from your primary carer at 12 WEEKS OLD and placed with a rotation of strangers who have other babies to tend to as well isn’t ideal for attachment. Obviously. Many people choose nursery for their babies and I think for older children they provide fantastic stimulating environments. The vast majority don’t put newborns in nurseries because they need one primary carer.

I am a nursery nurse and the youngest baby we’ve ever had was 6 weeks old. He was in full time Monday to Friday 8-6, he is now a delightful, chatty, funny 4 year old. He has fantastic relationships with most of the staff members and with the other children. We recently had a 12 week old baby settling in the baby room and she’s done fantastically well too.

It’s all about finding a nursery that you love, go and visit some and spend time talking with the staff in the baby room.

I’d personally prefer to put my child in a nursery as apposed to using a childminder or nanny because there is more than just one or two practitioners around. I think this is even more important when your baby is non verbal and can not communicate for themselves yet. Thats just my opinion though!

People are talking about attachment...
OP when looking for nurseries make sure you ask about their key person system and when baby starts make sure you stress that where possible you would like their key person to be the one feeding, changing, cuddling and interacting with baby. Multiple indiscriminate care can be a problem in nurseries, less so in a small baby room with just 1 or 2 staff members though.

Little boy I mentioned in my PP is an absolute delight with fantastic primary attachments to his mum and dad, and close secondary attachments to his brother, grandparents and key person at nursery.

OP a friend of mine had to put hers in childcare at six weeks as she couldn't afford any longer off work - the baby was absolutely fine (and is now a lovely, well balanced, well attached eight year old), it was more of a problem for her as she'd had a c section and wasn't driving again by that time which made the commute very difficult.

Also, we decided against using a childminder for ours because of no backup if something goes wrong - another friend's CM fainted whilst holding her baby and there was no other adult around. A decent nursery will have a keyworker system so that your child builds up a relationship with one or two people.

At 12 weeks a baby won't even have completed their vaccines, would it not be better to wait until after the 16 week ones if possible. And yes, if you are sure you want to use a nursery make sure the baby room has a small number of babies. I worked in one that was at full capacity (and 1 staff per 3 babies) and it was chaotic and quite stressful at times for both staff and babies.