Spicy foof

[Sparklfairy]

Not really AIBU but to be honest I don't think MN have a topic for this!

I batch cooked a curry yesterday. I'm a chilli head, and have a little jar of death that I add very sparingly to it to make it the heat that I want (no one else will be eating it!).

Clearly I've dripped some over the side of the jar and got it on my fingers. I didn't really notice, didn't rub my eyes or anything. Then I went for a wee and wiped...

I'm now sitting here, legs crossed, fanny on fire. Help! It'll probably pass shortly hopefully without any lasting damage and I'm not about to go slathering mayonnaise or milk or whatever on the area, but can any kind MNer's please distract me!?

should probably NC after this

Although close the blinds first, you don't want to look like a dog with worms, scooting over your worktops.

This is not what I was expecting to read at 7.15 on a tuesday morning.

This thread has had me in stitches and its why I love MN .
@Sparklfairy , i hope your floof is feeling a little cooler by now , I have heard of getting hot under the collar but this is a whole new world !

Although close the blinds first, you don't want to look like a dog with worms, scooting over your worktops.

I just love this image I imagine the stainless steel would be cooling at the very least, although I'm not sure I could ever wash up anything in the sink afterwards!

just mind where you put the plug !

For all those that dont know what @TeaAndDarkToast is talking about and for them like me that cant get the song out of there head since reading @Teas post

Classics please

I second this for classics

Yoghurt!!!!

I confess to a buttock-clenchingly awful incident which involved an ex-partner and some accidental application of 'Deep Heat' muscle rub. It did not end well for either of us...but it was pretty memorable!

Imagine the head tilty looks of disbelief from The British Army and The World Health Organisation when you outline your business case reason for needing the hazmat suit.

'No, honestly it's NOT for Coronavirus, really. It's for my spicy foof. You see what happened was this....''

Massive eye roll from officials. 'The public will say anything to stockpile haznat suits, masks, sanitisers, avocados and minimilks..'

@AlCalavicci - I knew it! That's made my night! . Sorry OP, I do sincerely hope your sex is no longer on fire

TeaAndDarkToast Yeah I won't be telling anyone in RL about this. They have no sympathy anyway. Too many times texting them after overdoing it with the death serum in food and ending up curled up in the foetal position whimpering. I think my mouth is made of asbestos but my stomach lining isn't. And now I know my foof definitely isn't.

Definitely a thread for classics

First time I've proper belly laughed in days. Thanks OP 🤣

Gently elbows MNHQ to get this put in classics .
I know it's much shorter than most classic threads but it's so funny

Bribes with

@MNHQ
Come on... The people have spoken.
What happened to democracy eh?

@MNHQ @MNHQ @MNHQ @MNHQ @MNHQ
@LilyMumsnet @SoniaMumsnet

While I was pregnant DH rubbed some deep heat into my back.... He then at some point soon after touched his willy.

I laughed so fucking hard I thought I would go into labour hahahahahaha

@Sparklfairy
Report your own post , I know this isn't the done thing but whi cares this is a classic

@AlCalavicci haha nooo, I shall let MNHQ decide if this is worthy of classics in their infinite wisdom although my poor foof would be eternally grateful

@Sparklfairy , well if you wont report it I will

I already did!

I did too

I once tried veet depilatory cream on my foof despite the warnings on the tube - honestly thought I had seared my clitoris off - don’t ever do this.

Well, the Spicy Foof has spoken. We'll move this over to Classics now.

How's your lower portion this morning, OP?

I'm so glad this has been moved to classics now.