Spicy foof

[Sparklfairy]

Not really AIBU but to be honest I don't think MN have a topic for this!

I batch cooked a curry yesterday. I'm a chilli head, and have a little jar of death that I add very sparingly to it to make it the heat that I want (no one else will be eating it!).

Clearly I've dripped some over the side of the jar and got it on my fingers. I didn't really notice, didn't rub my eyes or anything. Then I went for a wee and wiped...

I'm now sitting here, legs crossed, fanny on fire. Help! It'll probably pass shortly hopefully without any lasting damage and I'm not about to go slathering mayonnaise or milk or whatever on the area, but can any kind MNer's please distract me!?

should probably NC after this

^Tzatziki twinkle*

Not sure if this is going to be the name of my next band or the name of the winner of the 3.30 at Kempton.

Laughing so much. OVEN CHIPS and a CUCUMBER.

Mel C Lip Challenge

Oh god i think i have just had a woops moment This the funniest thread in months. Poor you OP If you are not male we would all be singing Geat balls of fire

Thought of another:
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my curry

You can neutralise strong smells by rubbing your hands on a stainless steel sink.

That would be a real Lip Sink Battle

@BuzzShitbagBobbly my pelvic floor is not strong enough for posts like that 😆🤣🤣🤣

OP's playlist

Sex On Fire
Our Lips Are Sealed
Korma Chameleon
Vindaloo (Fat Les)
Anything by The Foof Fighters
Anything by Vulvaldi
Ring Of Fire

Down down down into a burning ring of fire

Us chilli-heads have all done it.

Plain yogurt (not a strawberry Frube, no matter how desperate) & lots of tepid water.

My foof is much better now thank you whiskeylullaby2 although the curry is calling me to have dinner early. I'm a bit scared of it, once the death serum gets out it has a mind of its own and spreads everywhere. Fuck coronavirus, this stuff is the real reason I'm avoiding touching any surfaces and constantly washing my hands!

If anyone wants to see Lucifer's Spunk in action, here's someone trying it who's even more stupid than me (and looks a bit like Boris which somehow makes it more satisfying). Properly starts at about 55 seconds

Oven chips might be quite effective - fat coated and very cold.

Foof Fighters I'm crying I will never be able to say that with a straight face again!

Oh this thread has made me grin

Your curry sounds like it could cure COVID-19, OP.

Have you got a floppy icepack you could stick in your drawers? One of those brick ones for cool boxes probably wouldn't do the trick to be fair.

Yoghurt is definitely a method of cooling down a spicy meal but I'm not sure about anointing your lady garden with it...

Magnolia that’s just what I was thinking. OP may have saved humanity with Death Serum Satan Spunk.

If the paste is that potent I'm assuming you will be calling the firebrigade for your other burning ring of fire later. Is this the real reason why people are stockpiling loo roll?

Ashes to Ashes, foof to dust. Op's bathroom plumbing is bust.

Lip Sink Battle....lol.
You have my sympathies OP. I once inserted a non-applicator tampon after cooking with chilli's. My vagina still involuntarily contracts when I think of the pain.

I have been reading this at my DS martial arts grading and have been getting strange looks as I'm shaking with laughter and tears are streaming down my face. I showed another mum the thread and she was the same.

Mylittlepony374 argh that sounds so painful!

Good points PPs about it killing off COVID-19... Nothing can survive the wrath of the death serum I barely did

Sudocrem or yogurt will definitely help with that 😂😂😂

I thought you'd misspelled the title

The Fanjo of Fire.
The new Harry Potter book

Do not ever use that 4Head stuff, smear it about a bit with your fingers and then go to the loo...

Nice and tingly to start with, then holy mother of God!!!

OMG I’m crying (and crossing my legs tightly!) 😂
Bless you. You need yogurt on there.