Spicy foof

[Sparklfairy]

Not really AIBU but to be honest I don't think MN have a topic for this!

I batch cooked a curry yesterday. I'm a chilli head, and have a little jar of death that I add very sparingly to it to make it the heat that I want (no one else will be eating it!).

Clearly I've dripped some over the side of the jar and got it on my fingers. I didn't really notice, didn't rub my eyes or anything. Then I went for a wee and wiped...

I'm now sitting here, legs crossed, fanny on fire. Help! It'll probably pass shortly hopefully without any lasting damage and I'm not about to go slathering mayonnaise or milk or whatever on the area, but can any kind MNer's please distract me!?

should probably NC after this

Pjsandbaileys no not sudocreme!
I once are a spicy chicken kebab, then wiped before washing... Ouch.
So I put sudocreme on... The heat just melted it. It did fuck all for my poor foof, and I doubt it was anywhere near as bad as OPs burn

HerRoyalCarbyLess melted it?!

Yep, went all runny and slid off. Not what I expected at all

HerRoyalCarbyLess your fanjo must have been radiating some serious heat!

Oh it was. It burnt like hell!
And that was regular chilli sauce, so I dread to think how yours felt/feels

Well at least I'm not alone! I'm starting to think actually this stuff might be good for pranks/revenge. I'm single but if I had a boyfriend who cheated on me for instance I could lace his shower gel with the stuff, spike his coffee... the possibilities are endless.

I should get out more.

May I be the first to recommend this for classics?

This is the funniest thread I've read in ages.

I've been in a similar situation twice. Once was after cutting chillies then getting my knob out to go for a piss, the other one was when I was 7, living in India, and got a chilli seed stuck under my eyelid.

Neither were much fun...

“Lip sink battle” has gave me the 6 pack (from laughing) I always wanted

I came on expecting it to be a typo. Thrilled that no in fact this is about a spicy foof.
I am however concerned you’re not using enough toilet roll if it penetrates through. Have you been caught short in the panic buying? #saveourfoofs

You could name change to spicyfairy

gisogiso I might have to! or spicyfanny

I thought this was going to read as I had a hot curry nice my foof smells spicy.
Pmsl 😂😂😂

Now my foof even 😂

This has made my day so much , i was really upset a min ago ! I hope you are ok jokes aside tho 😂 I thought was meant to say spicy food and was a typo x

gisogiso happy to help although my fanjo says otherwise

Milk might help cool it in the same way as yoghurt. Cows milk not almond ... you don't want anything with nuts near a fiery fanjo!

My dh had chicken pox a few years ago
Went to the bathroom cabinet in the night as his bits were very itchy and painful. Stupid idiot didn't put the light on. I heard a scream went running in to find he had picked up tcp instead of calamine. Literally wet myself laughing.

Poor dh...but I would have wet myself laughing too tbh

Ha, I too thought this title had a typo - and as I read the first two paragraphs I settled down for the blooming good laughs about one incorrect letter!

Then I quickly realised I was wrong! Hope you’re feeling much better now OP - and we should all make sure we have a stock of toothpicks for adventurous cooking.

I had heard in dim and distant past re natural yoghurt (for sunburn though), but didn’t check the pack properly when trying to help my mum our when we were on holiday, so she ended up with yoghurt with real fruit bits smeared over her back 😂

A Muller Foof Corner?

This thread genuinely laugh out loud hilarious right from the thread title!

Poor op, pps are right high fat things preferably dairy are what’s needed. If you’ve no yogurt in what about milk? Or cream cheese?

Omg the stuff mn gets us writing!

“Just for the record - DO NOT wipe your foof with an Olbas Oil balm tissue because the loos had no toilet paper in. No siree, Bob.” Not quite that bad but I’ve a stinker of a sinus infection at the moment and made the stupid mistake the other day of accidentally wiping a watery eye with a tissue I’d doused in olbas oil! D’oh! Soaked some kitchen roll in milk and placed it as a cold compress on my eye

Could that work op? Kitchen roll or a pad with milk?

“Anyone else now got the horrifying image of a poor woman with yoghurt all over a foof and a cucumber between there too” 😂 just needs a Mint garnish!

NOT sudocrem dear god! That’ll be like putting butter on a burn!! No Vaseline either

Hope you're feeling better soon op

Insert a Walls Mini Milk? (although they may not be high fat enough)

or half an avocado if you are Vegan

Wait - isn't that the part lyrics from a Victoria Wood song?

'smear an avocado on me lower portion,
I can't do it, I can;t do it toniggghht'

TeaAndDarkToast waste of a good mini milk! although I've remembered too late that I have some coffee ice cream at the back of the freezer which could have been interesting!

I'm thinking of ordering a hazmat suit before I cook with that stuff again.