Spicy foof

[Sparklfairy]

Not really AIBU but to be honest I don't think MN have a topic for this!

I batch cooked a curry yesterday. I'm a chilli head, and have a little jar of death that I add very sparingly to it to make it the heat that I want (no one else will be eating it!).

Clearly I've dripped some over the side of the jar and got it on my fingers. I didn't really notice, didn't rub my eyes or anything. Then I went for a wee and wiped...

I'm now sitting here, legs crossed, fanny on fire. Help! It'll probably pass shortly hopefully without any lasting damage and I'm not about to go slathering mayonnaise or milk or whatever on the area, but can any kind MNer's please distract me!?

should probably NC after this

bag of potato chips

I thought this was going to be about some weird sexual fantasy of your dh’s!! Hilarious! (Drink loads of water and try to wee it out)

I'm sure you wiped with toilet paper, not just your fingers, so not sure how the "spicyness" got transferred.

Sympathy, OP, and (as a fellow chilli head) I badly need to know what's in the Jar of Death 😈⚡🎇🔥🔥☁️

For god sake, offer your fanny a drink of milk

JayeAshe it's called Psycho Serum (it's on amazon). Basically the stuff that makes chillis hot, all extracted into a jar of Satan's semen itself.

You're supposed to wear gloves and use just the tip of a toothpick's worth in cooking. I did neither.

As for the walk Soubriquet, I suppose if you imagine castrating John Wayne then you'd be close.

Laughing at all these suggestions. It has to be yogurt OP. Although the frozen chips reminded me of an article I read a couple if weeks ago warning people frozen spuds up your arse was not a cure for piles

As a teenager I remember sitting reading in bed one night and suddenly hearing my Dad's pained howls from the bathroom, followed by Mum running from the bedroom and crying on the landing with laughter.
Turns out, he'd kindly rubbed deep heat on Mums bad back, then gone for a wee before washing his hands.
He didn't find it as funny as we did for some reason.

Thanks Sparklfairy , 🧚 I once felt a bit odd after shaking a dozen drops of ghost pepper sauce on my dinner, and very much appreciate the 'tip of a toothpick' approach. Have some🍦.

JayeAshe been there with ghost peppers. I've also been known to chuck 10 Carolina reapers in a curry had to go to bed clutching a hot water bottle

And this is reason I still read Mumsnet. You ladies are all hilarious.

@Sparklfairy I will try not to think about your foof for the rest of the day!!

Just for the record - DO NOT wipe your foof with an Olbas Oil balm tissue because the loos had no toilet paper in. No siree, Bob.

Have you already run out of loo roll due to coronaviris panic buying?!

Strugglingtodomybest noooo this stuff is so potent it penetrated (ahem) the toilet roll right through to my poor foof!

iklboo I actually winced reading that

Update: I've hobbled to the supermarket but clearly the friction has helped as I feel much better. Now avoiding all fluids so I don't have to pee until I've washed my hands 987 more times.

Peel a Cold cucumber and place it lengthways along the affected area. Don't go out with it in your undies mind you, lie on the bed. Just make sure your bedroom door is locked, you don't want to traumatise the OH or the kids.

ThunderPython thankfully I live alone, although I really did think you were going to suggest insertion

Yoghurt all the way, has the added advantage of being quite good for your foof in general!

Anyone else now got the horrifying image of a poor woman with yoghurt all over a foof and a cucumber between there too

Soubriquet Don't forget the oven chips!

Anyone else now got the horrifying image of a poor woman with yoghurt all over a foof and a cucumber between there too grin

Like some kind of weird party dip.

You could probably use any more spills from the spicey jar,instead of antibac,to kill off any corona virus germs, good for your home,but not for your burning bits and pieces

lets hope the window cleaner doesnt call!

Youch.

www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/19/this-poor-guys-review-of-veet-hair-removal-on-amazon-is-epic-brilliantly-written-very-funny/

This bloke would sympathise: same burning end result, but from attempting to Veet his intimates!

(Handy Hint: Do not resort to frozen sprouts)

Anyone else now got the horrifying image of a poor woman with yoghurt all over a foof and a cucumber between there too grin

Tzatziki twinkle

favorite thread for a while.

Hows your foof OP?