People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

I love that you and NDN have bonded over Gaz and Tasha!!!

Giggling wanky this thread truly is comedy gold.

Hedge shaggers plus the Flybirdfly's villagers is making up for the lack of good telly.

OK SO! I had another chat with NDN - she spoke to her OH about the whole thing, he was made redundant a few weeks ago and is v bored and is therefore getting very overexcited about the whole scandal!
He went to secondary school with Tasha apparently and says she seems the type to be in to hedge sex…!

NDN relayed to him the suggestions you all gave me and he has said if they come back I should 'send a signal' and he'll come over and we can stand the other side of the sex hedge and mimic their noises.

I feel like this would be incredibly awkward but is a unique way to bond with one's neighbours I suppose...?!

With regards to the 'signal' I said I could
'Ca-caw, Ca-caw' over the fence - NDN says a text is fine (she seems very sensible)

This is all going to get very awkward if it turn out to be his elderly mum in the hedge and not Gaz.

Loving this thread! Hose em down

Great way to bond with NDNs OP

This is hilarious. I love that you played them "get it on" music whilst they were humping.....

@eurgh cacaw cacaw made me lol x

@Ancientmummyofwooooos is 'giggling wanky' a hedge sex term badgers use to get a finger shoved up their bum? 'Oooo that's good Mrs Badger, now do me a bit of giggling wanky'

Sprinkler system timed to go off at night...

@Thunderpunt a giggling wanky is how i shall refer to a bumfinger (should i ever have need to) forever more 🤣 was meant to say giggling madly - i may lose bladder control over this thread!

giggling wanky 😂😂😂😂😂

@Thunderpunt @Ancientmummyofwooooos I too shall henceforth refer to a bumfinger as a 'giggling wanky' 😂 I'm so glad I decided to start this thread

Get a motion sensor security alarm / water sprinkler and also noise - do the lot at once - they will quickly move on

I wanna see the sex hedge!

Seems you have brilliant NDNs loving this idea

@mumsnetHQ - classics please!

Just switched to Desktop site.
That fence is cryig out for a big sign with a crossed out penis nd a crossed out finger either side of the big words
No Fucking
And
NO Giggling Wanky

@GigglingWanky the fence is inside my garden. I had to fence off a section for the kids and notdog as the rest of the garden isn't secure or safe yet. The hedge sex happens the other side of the bush/trees.

Can you see the front door of the flats to get a good look at gaz & Tasha?

@Wetwashing00 no you can't see anything only hear it all. My bush is too full and lustrous to see through

I think I love your NDN as much as I love you 😂😂😂😂 this is hysterical

@GigglingWanky we are going to need a diagram of the sign- just for clarity! (Love the name)

I was reading through the thread this morning and got as far as when they had started last night......and then my internet went down.., Thank goodness I have now been able to catch up- it's been driving me to distraction! I wonder if Gaz and Tash will find a better spot now?