People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

@LuluJakey1 this kitkat...it's for eating, right? Or are you now directly competing with the hedge shaggers...?!

I'm impressed by their commitment to the cause.

Not just some perv half of mumsnet are watching!
(If I knew how to insert a crying with laughter face, I would just not in any bottoms)

DH has been giggling all night at the immortal line "I've never heard a hedgehog ask for a finger up the bum". In fact, I can hear him in the bathroom still chuckling.

what sorta hedge is it? lmfao... sell tickets? get slim shady please stand up voice louder thing.provide commentary..declare a national holiday at the end??

Ewwww. Srikethrough fail!

Could this thread be a contender for Classics?

I think the lady in the bushes has misread her gardening book...

She's supposed to get Herbicide, not Herbie inside.

@PeterPiperPickedSeaShells how would Gaz and Shaz (we are henceforth calling her Shaz) feel about this I wonder

Do these 'lovers' climax when they are doing their deed?

If so, I nominate that you rename the border 'The hedge of glory'

No need to use Babybio of those hedges either - they look like that's had a growth spurt overnight!

Mumsnet classic???

This might even be better than the penis beaker thread

Thank you OP I'm properly real life lol-ing at this thread! You guys

You should rename your house the hedge of heaven!

eurgh It is most definitely for eating, alongside a mug of Yorkshire tea before we toddle off to bed. No shenanigans in the hedge for us thank you.
Foxes make a terrible noise having sex.

Actually, our hedge that separates our garden from next door at the front of the house is beech . It is all pokey bits and can't be very comfortable. You couldn't have sex in it because they are quite dense and interwoven. Sex against it would be very uncomfortable for the person against it- you'd need a thick jacket and trousers.

Can we club together to give them £40 for a travel lodge?

Can you imagine at work “what you doing tonight sweetkitty?” “Nothing much just a bit of hedge shagging!”

Is that all they have to look forward to of an evening shagging and a finger up your rectum in someone’s hedge (quite sad)

I'm sure the perils of garden sex are many and various.

"Did you feel the earth move?" ..."yes, bloody moles"

Aren't we all sadder, sweetkitty? They're DOING it and we're reading about it. Some people are making jokes.

(not to judge any mn-ers with fingers up their bottoms, though)

They aren't moles! they're beauty spots.

All those with fingers up their bottoms, please refrain from typing...

Just responding so @TornFromTheInside doesn't get any ideas about me. Me and notdog are off to bed but I will update with any further sex hedge happenings!

Night eurgh!

Best thread ever !!!

Scene: a MNer contemplating her garden.

Noises off.

MNer muses:

Entertaining tho' this might be,
I'd rather it was just dog and me,
In our little, nocturnal haven
(known as Lover's Lane to the depraven...).

But it seems I should learn to embrace
The arboreal amours that take place
In the thornier parts of my garden,
When light falls and it starts to darken.

Gaz might be an unromantic beau
with his ladylove in my hedgerow.
But it's my calling to be Scheherazade
Recounting the night life in my back yard.

Blatant bookmarking