People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Lucky buggers.
It’s many years since I wanted to have sex in a hedge

Please contact gardener’s question time on radio 4 for advice. I want to hear their suggestions

Kind of wish i had a sex hedge now :( i'm so boring!

I read the title as 'people keep having sex in my fridge.'

I agree that you should either

a) Hose them down.

b) film them, blatantly - like make sure they are looking.

They will soon stop.

" 'Ello 'Ello 'Ello.?", what we 'ave 'ere then? By the look it...a Beech of peace!. My name is P.C. Berkley of the Special Branch, my colleague is P.D.H. Holly Bush. & her dog Boughser. You're both nicked..

Please contact gardener’s question time on radio 4 for advice. I want to hear their suggestions

Bob Flowerdew would doubtless recommend the liberal application of recycled beer. He might even offer to come round and help with his spigot.

I was returning home a bit tipsy and found two teens hot and heavy on the wall beside my front door. I leaned right up to them and was like 'reeeeeeAAAAlly??' ... they skulked away :)

Change your Wifi name to 'Somebody is shagging in my hedge'.

Thanks to this thread I had a dream last night about trying to have sex with a compete stranger in public. No hedges involved but we did try it on bench and whilst walking

Do hedge shaggers consider their partners to be a thorn in their side?

I've made a Spotify playlist and have doorbell at the ready...we'll see what tonight brings!
Going to look online later for hose/sprinkler.

Does the Spotify list have any songs from the film “ Over the hedge? “

google motion sensor gnomes

@eurgh an accidental dogger. Currently

WTF? Glow in the dark condoms? Is that in case you can't find it to put on?

Thesearepearls I read that as yelling Privet in a Roos/Friends PIVOT way

New plan - get a little Bluetooth speaker and place it near the action. When it starts play Meet Me In The Red Room (a song by a prostitute!).

Laughing at “sex hedge”

This happened to me about four years ago. They were incredibly loud so I went outside and shone my headlights on them. They soon scarpered . Think they were teenagers with nowhere else to screw...

I would make it nice for them with a few lights and scented candles.

Are you 50% of my sex hedge couple @Ohmydayslove? Scented candles indeed

Hilarious thread. They're barking!

I have had to stop reading this surreptitiously at my desk because I was sniggering too much

Hang a car air freshener there if you don't have spare scented candles.

That sounds like a tip of the day straight out of the pages of TaB @UpstartCrow

@eurgh you should sell the story to Take a Break and make some money from it all